januarysixteen

The best thing about this movie: This movie goes all in on "show don't tell". No exposition. All visual storytelling. That said, too much slow-mo and thin story. But Alan Ritchson’s best action movie. Some parts are great. Some parts drag. A cool experiment of a silent movie in 2026. Worth a watch if you like these kinds of movies.

This feels like The Martian for the TikTok generation. Part great. Part annoying. I buy Matt Damon as a man in space trying to overcome the odds. But Gosling and the Rocky puppet feel too silly to sell the gravity of the situation. But they almost do.

Two good laughs. Other than that, this is not a good movie. A lot of wasted talent: Walberg, Houser, Sacha Baron Cohen, Dumb & Dumber director, and Deadpool writers. You've been warned.

If you like dumb movies with good laughs… and you’re a fan of Theo and Spade… then this movie might be for you.

Fun movie. Very underrated. Feels like everyone from cast to crew is having a blast.

Decent watch. Pretty average “direct to DVD” movie. Better movies from the same actors and director: The Grey, The Town, Game Night, Ford v Ferrari, A-Team. Script needed another draft. Budget needed $20M more so Carnahan could shoot the hell out of it.

I want to like this movie.Every few years I try to watch it. But it’s boring. The story is plodding and lacks adventure, a clear goal, and a threat.

This is a fun time. Extremely watchable. Underrated. Jason Bateman does what he does best: act as the uptight straight man surrounded by silly characters.

This is the kind of movie critics look down on but is a hell **** time. I’ve watched this so many times. Love it.

A bad buffet of woke fantasy. They could cut the first 50 minutes and the last 20 minutes and it would’ve been a better movie. In other words, keep the Chris Nolan style manhunt.

Most characters are a cardboard cartoon version of Christian conservatives. Rian’s disdain is apparent. Maybe it gets better after the first act but I shut it off.

Paint by numbers script. Characters feel like paper cut outs. But racing cinematography is good. Still Ford v. Ferrari was way better.

[SPOILER ALERT: This review contains spoilers.]

A hallow experience following a nerd fantasy: an abused outsider creation has ultimate strength and immortality and the primary woman falls for him with 5 minutes of interaction and sacrifices her life and relationship with the rich preppy fiancé. Overall this feels like when Peter Jackson remade King Kong. You can sense the deep love for the material but the final result doesn’t resonate. Nightmare Alley was far superior.

This is the worst Jurassic World script. I feel sorry for the director and actors that had to make this movie.

So boring. 50 minutes in and nothing has happened except people talking and very mild melodrama. Why is Jordan playing twins? No reason. No difference between the brothers. Probably one becomes a vampire. Maybe it gets better after 50 minutes. I tried to like this but couldn’t finish it.

The hardest thing to find in the movie isn’t the fountain, but good writing. Beautiful sets, good actors, but horrible writing, poor character motivations, no chemistry, a lazy villain. If I wasn’t watching this with family, I would’ve turned it off. (Example of bad writing: Portman’s character doesn’t want to go on the trip but agrees to go so the trip’s rich sponsor will use his lawyers to help her fight for custody from her ex. Before the trip begins, her ex-husband calls and forces her to take the kid for a year. So she no longer needs to go on the trip but she goes anyways. Compare this to Indiana Jones where he doesn’t want to go look for the Ark but he has to go to save an old mentor from the ****.)

The good: the submarine & plane sequences. The bad: it’s like a hallow Michael Bay parody of the series. Conclusion: MI3, Ghost Protocol, Rogue Nation, and Fallout was the perfect unbroken run. The Reckoning films have good moments but Rebecca Ferguson choosing Dune & Silo over coming back for more Impossible makes Ethan Hunt a character with no purpose, nothing to fight for.

Hollow, dumb movie. But not as bad as everyone says. It’s got some cool ideas that affect society right now (Ai, robots, giving up our mind to screens and computers) but it glosses over them. It tries to have deep meaning with family relationships but it comes off as fake. It tries to make you feel for robots but that’s hallow too. The Russo’s have squandered all their MCU capital. That said I’d watch a whole movie with Chris Pratt and Anthony Mackie’s Herman robot.

A few funny moments but overall a dud. Go watch Schumer’s “I Feel Pretty”. Or this director’s “The Wrong Missy” which is way funnier.

Fun movie. Fox & Diaz have enough charm & humor to carry things along. Good for a family movie night. Same director as Identity Thief & Horrible Bosses. I’d watch a sequel.

Starts as a kiddie movie. But somewhere along the way the animators just go full throttle.

It’s funny. Not a perfect movie. Not a deep movie. But it’s funny. And it’s at its best when 1) it allows DEI grifters to get caught in their own puritanical hypocrisy and 2) when it talks to real people about how to overcome racism (spoiler alert: just treat people as people). Recommend.

This movie is a party. A truly self aware movie that isn’t afraid to poke fun at everything in the Disney & Fox Marvel movies, the actors themselves, the world, and more. The story is very thin, but it’s pure joy watching Ryan & Hugh kill it in roles they wear like a glove.

The two leads chemistry is off the charts but they deserve a better script. The movie wants to be a romantic comedy, a dark humor take, a comedy, a thriller, and credit for being based on a true story. However it doesn’t go far enough in any direction to accomplish any one thing. So it becomes an empty cartoon. And just when you think the movie will develop some teeth, it undercuts everything with a no consequences, undeserved happy ending. For a better movie go watch Shallow Grave with Ewan McGregor.

Beautifully filmed Gary Stu version of Lawrence of Arabia. Main character wins easily at everything, has no failures (apart from emo angst), makes no sacrifices (unless they are selfish), and has bad motives for helping his adopted people. If imperialism and corrupt religion are so bad, then why does Paul and his mother go all in with that strategy? A good history lesson, but it makes the main character unlikable. If "The Force Awakens" is a Mary Sue rehash of "A New Hope". Then "Dune" is a Gary Stu rehash of "Lawrence of Arabia".

Bottomline: Imagine a coastal elite fantasy. You're a NPR-style liberal writer. And John Mayer is your best friend. And you guys have one-night stands. And one of those one-night stands is obsessed with you. But she meant nothing to you. And you find out she dies. And the family begs you to go to the funeral. And you must solve the murder because the hick-town locals are stupid. Like Pauly Shore movie stupid. And they need your detached, elite, above-it-all intelligence to help. And you monetize your hick tourism to make yourself famous with a podcast. And you get your elitist chance to rant at them about Covid. Fittingly, imagine Ryan from the office had a podcast about the futility of America and solving a murder and his own self-importance. That's this movie.

Amazing 3D ride. Yes, a similar story to the first one. Yes, cliche utopian view of native cultures versus civilization. Yes, bland characters (except for the villain). But no one does 3D and action like Cameron.

This movie is too sad. I don't cry at movies. But this daisy chains all the tragic events in life into one story. Plus multiple self-deletion attempts. Well done movie. But way too sad.