Ultimate Tag is the perfect kind of show to keep your mind off being stuck at home.

Ultimate Tag never achieves Ninja Warrior’s beguiling momentum. The game is too easy and over too quickly; contestants and taggers alike are too often thwarted by walls, by the limited constraints of the show. ... The show is so strenuous in its titans-clash, tough-guy American branding that it lumbers past stupid fun and into irksome and awkward, a lot of flash and rumble over something that’s just not all that exciting to watch.

It has none of the coded piety of “American Ninja Warrior,” and not much time or inclination to tell contestant’s sob stories, if they have any. Mostly it’s just overproduced, hard-to-follow rounds of tag.