Glitter

Hawke swoops in to drag Gomez's career to new depths. The starved Disney sex kitten purrs her way through scatological expletives, as the plot races by as a fast-paced testosterone orgasm of car-crashes, by the dozens. Because literally that sentence is perhaps the entirety of this film. Gomez failure to maintain her aggressive nature, let alone capture it and portray a mature carjacker only supports Hawke's failure in playing the pigeon to Voight's waning career.

Cars 2 meets Planes with a recycled plot and characters so one-dimensional, even the sub-Pixar animation style is enough to fill this abysmal cesspit to the brim of its 90 minute runtime. Even more obvious of a cashgrab than Cars 2, the upcoming sequel to this will likely continue Disney's tread in the money over quality production line.

Banal and overlong, not even Perry's most diehard fans would find the necessity to sit through this vanity project fluff. Simply a lure of fecal bait in a sea of Perry's tears. Put not your pennies in this well.

The Mississippi River runs red with the blood, as that's the menstrual blood **** **** to the tune of beloved misogyny How lovely to be **** by Alexander Skarsgård, and have it glorified in a scene where the act or what should have been vile perversion, was portrayed as Mackenzie Phillips style "consensual ****". The only redeeming quality of the film is to watch James Woods' ..."deranged" descent into madness due to daddy's little girl being the cliched and misogynist-type casting as the high school slut.

Perhaps best presented under the title, "Law & Order: Exorcism Victims Unit", would the film have attracted praise for being nothing more than what was to have been expected (utter boredom in a festering court melodrama of drivel.) Devoid of interesting characters, and featuring the most lacking of cinematography, The Exorcism of Emily Rose is actually The Exorcism of Your Time.

Two hours of a Vatican infomercial, as presented by Colin O'Donoghue's sideburns and Anthony Hopkins lack of interest. Featuring cats, frogs, demons, and blaspheming soon-to-be priests, The Rite works best at dedicating itself as a paid sponsorship for your own future exorcism. Perhaps you should also invest in a lawyer, suing for fraud in false advertising as a Horror film.

Combining every memorable element of Horror from a previous film before it, The Conjuring masters at scaring by not allowing you to realize you've been conned into 100 minutes of cheap tricks and bumps in the night. Forcing the religious angle for relative ease in accepting that possession exists, and then use the "Salem witch" as a scapegoat of Baphomet to ride through the black hole plot. Perhaps they should sacrifice this witch to let the film end? Of course, after thuds, shadows, and CGI low budget snores that don't do as much as even muster a chuckle out you for their pathetic sideshow buffoonery.

While the slow pacing may be off-putting to gorehounds expecting a train through the tunnel blood orgy, it does pick up in the final act, with blood for all, and baths of blood to spare! Featuring actresses who previously never showed any commercial or widespread acclaim, they boast their finest acting chops under direction in a flick that rattles your spine and twists your vertebrae one by one, as the minutes tick on. As you slowly watch each character be ripped limb to limb in the faintest lights by darkness, your mind begins to feel emotion as you realize you spent the first near hour actually growing fond of these women and their character development (how shocking for the Horror genre!) While The Descent may not be a classic to be praised for generations to come, it works best at delivering an hour of building tension, before 30 minutes of an relentlessness terror that leaves a bad thought of regret (if viewing the flaw-free director's cut ending.)

If Halloween II, IV, V, VI, and VII did not already destroy any amount of quality the original possessed in creating an unforgettable fear for The Shape, as the master of Horror film villainy, I can assure you that Halloween VIII takes the largest bowel movement, and proceeds to complete with a 80 minute urination sequence. Of course that aforementioned bowel takes place in the literal lunacy of Curtis' Laurie Strode playing throughout the first ten minutes. Following the happy ending you've waited nearly 25 years for, you're given another eighty minutes to question your life, existence, and being in wasting time on such insignificant Horror filming since Friday the 13th mothered a plethora of sequels. Not even possessing the comical and unforgettable camp of Halloween V, or the hamstrung, jarring, and butchered plot of Halloween VI, Halloween VIII ends the series with a death you've waited decades to not see.

The true sequel to Halloween II, it tries with great effort to utterly defecate on any quality that the preceding sequels hadn't already deprecated Curtis reprises her role, as does Nancy Stephen's. However the former obliterates any memorable qualities her character possessed, while the latter exasperates the trivial featuring of her character's existence. While failing to falter into the cesspit that the previous entries dug, it fails to deliver scares or quality that the first two films established (more-so the first.) Halloween VII is best viewed in trilogy format with the first-two, if you understand you're going from an "A" film to a "C" film to a "D" film. Please with all love ignore the final film in the franchise, unless you're open to experiencing rest to the franchise (literally).

The Return of The Shape! Long awaited by fans, and long scorned by critics as squandering any praiseworthy qualities of the first two films, Halloween IV manages to revive the series by revealing a new character that was later abandoned in the true successors to the originals (Halloween VII, Halloween VIII). While it does at least attempt to provoke some fear, it is through great time wasted that those few seconds of fear are brought. A race through across the rooftop is literally the only memorable scene in this abysmal film. While not as weak and boring as the sixth installment, it does lack the enthralling camp of the fifth film, or the second to continue this direct plot.

Relying more on blood-let than the debut, it builds fear but loosens it into a pit of mayhem that abounds through Dr. Loomis' foreshadowing madness, and Laurie Strode's ever-growing lust for innocence and freedom. Not as beloved as its predecessor, not scorned and forgotten as its sequels. Halloween II works best as an optional viewing. Just above the threshold of average, for the fact that The Shape still maintained that quality of fear-invoking evil (before becoming a clown in the sequels.)

Revolutionary in fathering the slasher genre and catering to the masses without the blood and gore viewers are so sensitized by today. Moving briskly at a pace in which the brooding fear of The Shape's attacks build you're left shivering in your seat as the excellent score carries the mood. Carpenter crafted an immaculate piece of Horror, without perverting art in the name of profit.

Portraying itself as an apocalyptic epic to the Pokémon franchise, The Movie 2000 (The Power of One) is in reality a juxtaposition of mayhem and fraudulent spectacle. With an antihero lacking clear motives, this picture is governed by a superfluous plot, thinly held together, and dragging through its excessive runtime The vibrantly imaginative animation and beautifully surreal soundtrack (score) are both squandered by a devoid script. A farce to the franchise, Pokémon The Movie 2000 boasts potential that is executed beyond the poorest imagination.

Despite the childish source, the material is rather bleak, and centric on the meaning of one's life with the questioning of being. Perhaps best viewed as expanded episode of the earlier Pokemon anime, Mewtwo Strikes Back works as an abecedarian to Pokemon, and an amateur pedagony in philosophy.