Cats

The movie, like the play, is a series of delightful songs strung together by a thin, loose thread of a plot, which lends a little credence to all the criticism and mockery online. But once you know this and have been warned by the trailer, what you’re in for is a remarkably fun time at the movies.

In spite of its shoddy sound design (Hooper, as he did with Les Mis, has his cast sing live, but their vocals are poorly blended with the instrumentation), Cats' actors are perfectly matched to their respective roles.

It’s literally incredible. I hope I never see it again.

Generally, Hooper pulls away from loony-tunes excess, tries for sexy rather than freaky, and plucks at heartstrings, a reflex that pulls the story into mawkishness, particularly when he cuts to Victoria.

As an adaptation, Cats is declawed, never delving fully into the possibilities offered by its proportion-manipulating trick photography and its animated cast. As a big-budget spectacle, it’s a triumphant disaster, if one at least born from a unique idea.

Mostly, Cats is a confusing litter box of intentions, from its crushed-velour aesthetic to its strip-bar sensuality to its musical cluelessness.

Is it the worst film of 2019, or simply the most recent misfire of 2019? Reader, I swear on a stack of pancakes: “Cats” cannot be beat for sheer folly and misjudgment and audience-reaction-to-“Springtime for Hitler”-in-“The Producers” stupefaction.

I thought this movie was great. I don’t know why there is so many negative reviews here. If you expect it to be like the original Broadway show, you will be disappointed. This is an adaptation of the original musical! I love the cast! They all did wonderful! I think anyone who likes musicals will enjoy this film!

This movie is far from a purrfect adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's hit musical. But at the same time it was watchable. Soundtrack was a mixed bag. Some hit songs like Magical Mr Mistoffelees, The Old Gumbie Cat and The Rum Tum Tugger were butchered. Others like Skimbleshanks and Jellicle Songs were certified bops that surpassed the original musical. The cast was good for the most part, albeit with some miscasts. Rebel Wilson was horrible, Jason Derulo was vocally weak and Taylor Swift only got five minutes of screen time as Bombularina which is a shame because she was a major part of the musical. Yet at the same time, Judi Dench was spot-on as Old Deuteronomy, Ian McKellen was great as Gus, Francesca Hayward was good as Victoria and Robert Fairchild was the best portrayal of Munkustrap. Even James Corden's portrayal of Bustopher Jones was good and I freaking hate that guy. The set design is an absolute spectacle to behold, but is sadly the only good part about the movie's CGI. Characters look like humanoid cats with faces imposed on them in an uncanny-valley kind of way. This leads to the worst part of the film... The Old Gumbie Cat, where the movie straight-up introduces you to CGI anthropomorphic mice/human and cockroach/human hybrids. It's like crap straight out of a horror movie. Overall, Cats could have been so much better, but it also could have been so much worse. This is one of those rare "so bad it's good" films, that you need to be sufficiently drunk or stoned to experience.

ALWebber's Cats was a hugely popular stage show on the West End, Broadway, and around the world. The core of this movie is based on that musical performance, and it's songs. This leaves a film with a lot of signing and dancing, a lacklustre plot and limited dialogue, as the movie crams a longish stage show into a film length, but forced to retain all of the songs some of which feel a little dated now. A few performers here were a little monotone, like Dench and Hudson, and McKellen was perhaps to croaky for a singing part, but mostly the music respected the original. Many people found the sexy CGI to be a off-putting but I was quite impressed by the effort, I just found the 5-fingers to be out of place on a cat's paw. Moreso, the costumes seemed ridiculous for a feline to be wearing, and thick fur overcoats and scarves, really distasteful for these Jellicle cats - why?? Dench looked more like Oz's Cowardly Lion than a cat, that was a real failure, but most of the cast looked terrific. Overall it was enjoyable and a fresh update on the old stage version, for a new audience.

Ok. Come posso trattare questo film? In poche parole, sarebbe dovuto rimanere un musical. Ogni canzone (tranne qualche eccezione) è il nulla musicato, non serve a nulla, se non a presentare i ****. Ma questo è l'unico uso che viene fatto delle suddette, niente di più, i **** sono severamente sottosviluppati. E adesso parliamo dell'elefante della stanza: i design dei **** sono la perfetta rappresentazione di un incubo febbrile. Sono orrendi, quasi inguardabili. Le scenografie sono tremendamente inconsistenti nel contesto in cui il film è ambientato e dopo un po', dato che cantano di continuo, diventa stancante. Ah, le blatte me le sognerò la notte. Consigliato? No, ma sì, potete vederlo come un "so bad it's good", ma dipende da voi.

So let's just get this out of the way. Cats is just as good as the Broadway musical. Which is to say it is and always has been hot garbage. The only reason that the musical ever worked was simply that "The 80's" I literally know not a single person who is a fan of cats, I know people who have seen it and enjoyed it, but mostly because it's just that bad... And that bizarre. And it knows that and just runs with it. This movie, a title that It pains me to use for this aborted tragedy of a cinematic outing. The original show's audience was basically children, stay at home mom's and perverts. And the movie most likely has the same group of people going to bat for it. The movie was ugly, like the musical. It sounded alright but had no emotional gravitas, like the musical. The acting was bad, like the musical. It was far too close to being porn, like the Musical. It had a paper-thin plot, like the musical. If there is anything nice I can say about this movie it's that it is a good adaptation of the musical. Which was also hot garbage. The one thing I will say, however, is both times I saw this in theaters, the people watching it were enjoying it, but in the same way people enjoyed the Room, or a bad movie on Mystery Science theater. It was fun to experience just how bad this was... and.... Everyone got quiet when Hudson sand Memories, it really is a terrific song and a great performance of it.