Polarthief

Put simply, they ruined a great Gamecube multiplayer gem. Multiplayer is in absolute shambles; this is an utter disgrace. If you want to play single player or with randoms (but why the hell would you do either of those things???) then sure, the game's fine, but they just really had to milk those mobile bucks and ruin the entire experience for everyone. Do yourself a favor and go buy the original, 4 cheap GBAs (recommend SPs), and find 4 link cables. You'll have a much better time than you would with this modern day butchered remaster.

False advertising, 100%. I got it for free and I feel ripped off. Beta was bad, launch is even worse. Riddled with bugs, a lack of those "upgraded cutscenes" from the pre-release trailer, and new lawyerspeak for "we own all your custom mapmaking". What a **** joke of one of my favorite teenage pastimes.

[SPOILER ALERT: This review contains spoilers.]

Here's just a list of reasons why this game is very, very, subpar. - It's a very linear, story-driven, game, with practically no gameplay. It's pretty much the definition of a "hiking simulator". - It's about 3-4 hours long and launched with a $20 price tag. - It started with plenty of potential and ended with a disastrous "that's it?" feeling at the end. - It gives you the illusion of choice that changes how your character and the "companion" character that you never meet communicate to one another. There is no actual choice though. - There is virtually no difference between watching and playing this game. Go watch any of the LPs for it and save your $20. - It's not even appealing to look at. At the very least it could have given us that. I honestly don't know what drugs the positive reviewers were on when they posted their reviews. Maybe they're only reviewing the demo (which was solid), but the full game is just trash.

Pocket Mortys takes a great show filled with amazing references/catch-phrases for the young adult generation, puts it on a very popular platform for that generation, picks great nostalgia of RPG/Pokemon troupes for that genre, mixes them all together, and **** out a game that falls incredibly short of expectations. The basic game itself is a very dumbed-down version of Pokemon, which in itself isn't that bad for an idea. Instead of Water, Fire, Electric, etc types of Mortys, you have Rock, Paper, and Scissors Mortys, which I find to be hilarious to how blunt they're being with it. But, that's pretty much all the charm of the game. There's very little of that amazing Rick & Morty humor that's found in the show. There's some references, sure, but nothing that really makes you go "Oh wow that's awesome!". You collect Mortys and can combine two of the same one into a better Morty, which is pretty much all the draw of the game. You go to random portal fields and collect "badges" (just like Pokemon, haha) from the field's Rick to challenge the Council of Ricks to get your Portal Gun back, but that's essentially the entire game. I've already been playing for more than enough time to know where this is going. It's incredibly repetitive and boring to the point where I'm already skipping fights. Oh yeah, battles! That's probably the worst aspect of the game! Attacks come in 3 forms: Attacking, Buffing, and Debuffing. Except, literally every buff/debuff except for Accuracy ones do absolutely nothing! I'll "raise my attack" 3 times and do literally the same amount of damage I did on turn 1 before I buffed myself. Same goes for debuffs. Accuracy I've noticed actually does it's job but Attack and Defense buffs/debuffs do literally nothing. Most attacks will be a "normal"-style attack while some with have an "element" of Rock, Paper, or Scissors behind it, which do "sensational!" damage to an element that it's strong against (PM's version of "It's super effective!"), while doing "pathetic" damage to an element that it's weak against ("Not very effective..."). Overall, Pocket Mortys took a great concept and a perfect show that would get behind what's practically collecting child slaves, but delivers almost none of the charm of the show with a horribly flawed battle system, design options that drove my OCD to insane levels (cannot re-arrange moves, which we've had since Pokemon in the NINETIES), and even put micro-transactions into it (but of course, what else would you expect from the worst platform for gaming?)! Not that you have to pay for it, as I definitely wouldn't, but it's there. The game's good for a few laughs but honestly, you'd be better off getting an emulator on your phone or pulling out a good ol' Gameboy/DS and playing the actual Pokemon games. The originals are coming soon to 3DS! PS: Will gladly increase my rating if they at least fix buffs/debuffs to work and if we can re-arrange moves. The game is still really, really bad, but honestly, the mobile market is terrible to begin with.

It's like someone made a Star Wars DLC themepack for Call of Duty and just released it as a $60 standalone title instead of a $20 DLC pack. I mean, at least I think that.

MoP may have made me quit at the end of the expansion (when Siege went on forever), but WoD made me quit before 6.1 was even released, and 6.2 isn't adding much of anything. By far the worst expansion at end-game, but at least there was a lot of good questing and leveling content (for the first time). - Leveling/Quest Content to 100: 9/10. The best it's ever been, actually! It was really good and there was maybe one zone I disliked, as opposed to 90% of them in previous expansions. - Dungeon Content: 1/10. Disappointing as all hell. The dungeons are mostly forgettable, there's a meager 8 (7 new, 1 revamp) at launch (none coming in 6.2, probably none for the expansion), and they've pretty much chosen to abandon keeping Dungeon relevancy through the expansion. It's very sad. - Low-level Dungeon Content: 9/10. Despite the 90-100 dungeon experience blowing terribly, low-level dungeon experiences have been vastly improved! annoying dungeons like Razorfen and Blackfathom Deeps have been greatly enhanced to be a bit less "where the hell do I go?" and having bosses listed on the side. Optional bosses also grant gold and experience, while doing all the main bosses listed awards a massive experience (and money) boost! You can even power-level your friends from 1-80 in a matter of hours with this! However, WoD is all about 90-100 content, so this wasn't included. - Garrisons: 2/10. Extremely exciting (due to being new) when you first see them, but incredibly disappointing when you realize it boils down to a Facebook minigame. Menus, menus, menus. How dull. - Raid Content: 6/10. It's really good, believe it or not, but extremely repetitive (more than ever before due to the 4 difficulties). Highmaul was fun the first time, but got incredibly stale for most players (myself included) because it only has 6 bosses. Blackrock Foundry is also really good, but it too got old at having 10 (and devaluing Highmaul to irrelevancy). Most of the encounters are good though! - "Stuff to do" at max level: 0/10. WoW right now is "Raid, PvP, or die!", as there's nothing to do outside of PvP or raiding. You will be incredibly bored at max level, though this should be sliiiightly compensated for in 6.2 (for people who don't raid). - Overall score: 3/10. Very disappointing for an expansion that was waaaaaaaay overhyped. It costs $10 more than previous expansions, has significantly less content than them (including no new race or class, the first time an expansion has done this), and didn't add anything particularly amazing like other expansions have, unless you count "omg pretty models and graphics!" as something "amazing", but I don't. I'm not the kind of player to give a crap about graphics over gameplay.

This game is purely being sold, based on its controversy, which carried it to tons of free publicity by our idiotic games media of 2015. If you like games where you just go around mindlessly killing tons of people, there are tons of better games to play than this. Take your pick of any FPS, Grand Theft Auto series, shoot-em-up, or anything else involving killing massive amounts of enemies. The $20 price tag may be slightly welcoming, but trust me, it's not worth it. This game is frustratingly hard (and unfair) at times, has no clever or witty dialogue (they assume it's clever), and next to no gameplay outside of shoot, shoot, shoot. It gets boring after awhile, trust me. Only reason it doesn't get a 0 is because the physics engine is actually kind of neat. You can blow up parts of buildings with explosives, and the lighting on fire and police sirens are quite nice, but outside of that, everything else is pretty blah. Again, this game sold purely based on its controversy (what they were hoping) and the gameplay was very botched because they probably expected it to sell well based on its extensive hype and media coverage (that they didn't even need to pay for!). For a first game from a brand new company, it's okay, but after hearing non-stop outcry over boycotting this game, I expected a lot better.

5N@F (as I like to abbreviate it) is a unique horror game in which you play a security guard working the graveyard shift from 12M-6A for $4 an hour for 5 nights. You keep watch over a group of 4 animatronic animals (bear, rabbit, chicken, and fox) in a Chuck E. Cheese-esque kid-friendly pizzeria as they wander at night. While the game itself LOOKS like "another typical indie horror game", it's really not. The mechanics are very simple and unique in that you don't even move, and you only have 3 controls: Check the monitors, close the left and/or right door, and use the left and/or right door lights The 4 animatronics all have their own unique AI and will come after you in different ways. While the gameplay is very light, the true strength of the game and why it's rapidly growing in popularity is the hidden story and horror elements thrown in. These animatronics are incredibly creepy and will disturb and unnerve you to no end, even if you're just watching someone else play it. The cheap jumpscare visuals/screamers aside, 5N@F PERFECTLY plays off of the player's anxieties, OCD, and paranoia. If you don't have any of those mental conditions or aren't even slightly creeped out by animatronics, then you will not be scared nor enjoy this game. The game also has an interesting hidden story that barely any of which is told through playing the game; you actually have to look into it (in-game, or just by cheating and going to the wiki). I'd give it a perfect 10/10 if it didn't have jumpscares/the scream could be toned down just a tiny bit, because those really are the cheap shots of the horror genre (just like a fart noise is the cheap shot of comedy), but it's still an INCREDIBLY well-made game that will scare the **** out of you and keep you paranoid, panicking, and OCD the whole time.

One of the very few games I can ever give a 10, Shovel Knight is a shining example of how to put love into a game and make it amazing. Amazing music, fluid controls, great gameplay, unlockables, humor, references, a plethora of cheat codes; you can really feel the love that comes from Shovel Knight. Just play the first level of the game or even the demo and you'll see what I mean. In an era of mostly AAA publisher **** where corporations think we're too stupid to see through their crappy games, Shovel Knight rises among the indie genre and is well worth your $15. The only downside to SK is that it's very short, but only at the moment. The Yacht Club is adding updates every so often once they create the additional content of Kickstarter Goals that were all met, such as playing as Shield Knight instead of Shovel Knight, 3 playable boss characters, a VS mode, a Challenge Mode (similar to the New SMB U version or something akin to NES Remix) and a whole lot of other stuff! Well worth the wait and the money, and deserves all the praise it can get.

This looked like an awesome game, and I bet it is an awesome game full of fun and wonder, but sadly, two things absolutely ruined the entire experience for me to the point where I had to turn off the game. 1. Enemies relative to your surroundings - Look how long I played this game. At the time of me typing this, it was 26m. In 26m, I felt so incredibly disoriented whenever I had an enemy near me in side of a wall or a cave in a fairly dark place, and yes, WITH THE FLASHLIGHT ON, and I could never see where they are due to foreground objects of them looking just like the scenery. It's not fair to have tiny enemies with giant foreground aesthetic bullcrap covering them! There are also plenty of ranged enemies that get an unfair shot at you before you even know they're there and give you no time to react to a shot coming from seemingly nowhere. It's ridiculous! 2. The controls - The enemies were one thing, but the controls is the sole reason I cannot recommend this game to anyone, and the main reason being that you have 3 "Up" or "Ascend" commands. You have "Jump", "Up", and "Jetpack". One thing to keep in mind for game design is that "Jump" and "Up" are NOT the same command, yet unfortunately for me, Alientrap Games disagrees. So, when I'm trying to, say, go up in a manner that doesn't involve jumping, I obviously hold up (the original jump control, which I mapped to spacebar, along with the Jetpack), only to realize, oh right, jump and up are the same button. The jetpack is another thing that's an absolute mess because typically in games, jetpack is a form of "secondary jump" or activates from a "double jump". Having it be its own button is very awkward, so I set it to jump. Alright, no biggie. Every time I want to jump or use the jetpack, it's just the same button now. But no! The fact that Up and Jump are the same button not only makes me use jetpack fuel every time I want to go up or jump, but also does the reverse when I just want to jetpack lightly, I'll go rocketing upward because it makes me jump when I'm too close to the ground, and if jump isn't mapped to the jetpack, the entire control scheme feels incredibly awkward. A dishonorable mention I'd like to finish my negative review on is the jetpack itself. Level 1, you're given a jetpack that has unlimited fuel, but can only be used in short bursts then needs to recharge. Completely understandable and a good mechanic, but, oh wait, now I start level 2 and I have no jetpack? Oh, I find jetpack fuel and... ... it doesn't replenish...? WHY would you introduce a "recharging" jetpack mechanic in level 1 if in the VERY next level (that didn't pull a Metroid Prime of "you lost your jetpack") would you make me need to continuously collect fuel?! That's so stupid! I don't know if you get an unlimited jetpack later, and frankly, I don't care. If you do, it cancels out this last paragraph, but it's downright insane to introduce "recharging" to immediately say "lol jk now collect fuel". Now onto the positives: The atmosphere and visuals are absolutely beautiful and stylized. Similar to Metroid, you really get the feel that you're alone on this alien planet looking for your crew (at least that's what I got from playing 4 levels). Honestly, when I wasn't getting screwed by the aesthetics with enemies blending into it, I was stunned by how gorgeous it looked. On top of that, the soundtrack is a joy to listen to and further emphasizes that you're on some uncharted alien planet, full of vegetation and whatnot. Overall score, I'd have to give it a 4, which is for the gameplay, music, and visuals, while the controls and blending-into-the-scenary-enemies cuts down a lot of points. If the controls weren't half-broken, I'd probably give it around an 8, give or take the 7-9 range depending on what's to come. Sadly, because the controls feel so crippled, I'll never know what's coming up.

Not great, but not bad. More or less the subscription pay model is what makes me a bit more critical of the game (should this ever go free2play, I'd instantly bump it up to a 9, if not 10). The game does some really, and I mean, REALLY stupid things, such as disabling any social menus and all whispers while inside a dungeon/raid, doesn't let you queue up for a role (and instead you only get to queue as a class), the game feels "slow", mostly due to the global cooldown of 2.5s and things that aren't on the GCD require spamming the keys very hard to get them to work, but overall, the game feels fluid and very fun. The graphics are great and the sound, like any FF game, is in a league of its own at the top of the video game music genre. If you ever get bored for a month or two and have a lot of free time, I recommend picking it up for the reasonable price (that comes with a free month). You will get a LOT done in that free month (I got two classes to max and even managed to do endgame). Until a few more patches roll out, the score will remain as is. It's not the best, but by no means is it bad, especially if you're bored of WoW.

Definitely a great game. Not perfect like everyone makes it out to be, but still an outstanding handheld title. Despite using most of the Link to the Past elements, it truly does feel like an enhanced version of the game without rehashing too much. The difficulty is fairly light (actually harder early on then gets easier), but that doesn't make it a bad game by any means. If you enjoy the action-adventure known as LoZ, I highly recommend picking this one up. One of the very few good games that exist on the 3DS.

Critics give it way too much praise. Most (good) decks are composed of about 90-95% of the same cards (excluding class cards, which are the same among the decks of those classes), so every match comes down to "who drew what first". I know most card games use luck as a factor, but skill can usually overcome that. In this game, no such level of complexity exists. Decks are too small, no way to counterattack unless you're one of the few classes with Secrets (trap cards), it's a total crapshoot! If you enjoy games of little to no skill in a fun, casual, Warcraft theme, then this is definitely for you. Aside from giving the gameplay an absolute 0, the sound effects, music, graphics, and overall theme, however, are very delightful. For the few months that I played, it was definitely fun, until I realized how luck was everything. Still, outside of the gameplay, it's pleasant, but sadly, games without good gameplay get scores such as these, if not worse. If it ever comes to smartphones (and not just the iPad), I'd vote it a 6 or 7 as a Mobile game, but for a PC game, it doesn't deserve the ridiculous praise people are giving it.

Stanley Parable is simply a masterpiece in the sense **** Narrative experience. It's wacky, hilarious, and just an overall good play. The only reason I gave it an 8 instead of a perfect 10 is simply for how expensive it is for its ridiculously short duration for its $20 price tag! I love the game and will definitely go back to it, but the very small amount of things in the game cause it to be completed in an afternoon and leaves you upset at how much you spent for a fraction of a "video version of a chapter of a book" (thankfully, Steam frequently put it on sale in how quickly it already came out, so you can nab it for cheaper). Overall, good experience, but damn is it short!

This is the kind of game that was made for people with OCD, such as myself, though people without the explainable compulsion disorder will appreciate and like it to, but I will definitely agree, this game is NOT for everyone. It pulls at your heart when a woman who is not permitted to go through with her husband, and YOU'RE the one who must choose between letting her pass or not. A lot can be said about this game, but I'd say to just try it for yourself.

Man is this game fun! I got it for $4.99 during this week's (Week of 1/6/13) Steam Sale, but its usual price is $9.99. After playing it for a couple hours, I would gladly pay up to $20 for it. For a lightweight game, there is a lot to it and plenty of customization. The only thing so far that I dislike is the whole randomness (Luck) to the game. If you don't find cheap weapons or weapons from battles, you'll end up losing entirely. However, sometimes you can have it so easy and barely try! (At least until the last sector because, well, it's pretty hard). Without giving away too much, you pilot a ship, upgrade it, repair it, blow up other ships, save people (or not if you don't care), get a bigger crew, and unlock more ships on your travels. LOADS of customization with every playthrough, and every single choice you make will affect you later (such as buying X or using Y or saving Z). A last point I want to say is that running out of fuel, while bad, isn't a "game over" like most other games would be. You can send out a distress beacon in hopes of some nice passerbys will give/sell you fuel, or it may just be evil people instead coming to kill you (and killing/letting them go may give you fuel!). Really great game for the price, especially during this week's sale. The only reason I didn't give it a 10 is because of the absolute RNG. It's a little TOO brutal, but hey, that just means more game time overall til I beat it completely.

Ever since I became an adult, I've seen games for what they are, but primarily focus on the gameplay. 2012 was a really **** year as a gamer. I mean, REALLY ****. I thought I became cynical like Stan on that one episode of South Park. Then I see Dishonored comes out, and very quickly picked it up for 50% off on a Steam sale. Holy **** **** do I love this game. There's so many different ways you can approach this game: killing people, sneaking around, knocking them unconscious; so many side-quests/optional stuff to do, so many collectables, customization, oh god is there a lot to do. It does have a few small flaws though, like Blinking all over the place (Blink really shouldn't have been in the game, or at least made way less powerful), and the story is just so... bleh. Having the rat plague was just dumb to me, and essentially, the Story and overpowered Blink is what keeps this game from getting a 10 from me, but don't let those two minor things stop you from playing what is most definitely the best game of 2012. With all the other garbage that's come out this year, this game TOTALLY deserves the GOTY 2012 award.

Change is bad. 'nuff said. I honestly don't know what to say about it besides how awful this one is compared to the originals. This shouldn't be classified as an RPG in any way because there's no incentive to fight and all attacks can only be used once before having to get more.

Diablo III doesn't even deserve a review, it just doesn't. It's quite bad after your first playthrough. Not only is the lead designer (Jay Wilson) a total **** who should get his nutsack torn off by chainsaw-wielding killer sharks, but his "masterpiece" (as he calls it) single handedly destroyed the Diablo series (and this is coming from a fan of D1. I'm not even a hardcore fan either). All I can really say is that it was created as a cash cow because of the Real Money Auction House. Why do I claim this? There's no other reason they would completely obliterate a specialization of playstyle every single patch, expecting players to buy a whole new set of gear. The Increased Attack Speed nerf as well as multiple nerfs to special Wizard builds are a testament of this. Rather than making the speccs still playable, they nerfed them to the ground completely. Why? MONEY MONEY MONEY! I could go on an on about how the game itself actually ****, but I think the 4.7k+ negative reviews would tell you this. While I'll admit at least 2k or so are from nerd-raging, hardcore, D2 fans, many of them are new players of Diablo, and they too will admit this game is garbage. I feel ripped off and I got this game for FREE.

I'd like to start off by saying that I've been playing since near launch with one break in late Vanilla. This is also coming from someone who generally disliked Cataclysm. Mists of Pandaria (or "MoP" as I will be referring to it as such from now on) is very manipulative. Once you make it to max level, you are given a plethora of new options, but very few actually give you anything. With the exception of a single Scenario (the Arena one), the other Scenarios give you little to no rewards for your character (if you get really lucky, a crappy item). Dungeons (or rather Heroics) will get you gear and (very useless) Justice Points which will get you gear that's... under the Dungeon quality... Okay... You'll also get Valor Points... but you can't spend them until you do two+ weeks of daily quests with multiple factions. Basically, your progression goes like this: Every day, you're intended to do all of the daily hubs (That is, about 5 of them, each taking anywhere from 10 to 40 minutes each) for 45 days (or 45 times). This is so you can spend your hard-earned Valor Points on higher gear as well as get some other rewards. In addition, you're intended to do Heroic Dungeons to gear alongside your time with dailies. When you're finally done with all of that (such as myself), you're just intended to raid and... not do much else. Similar to Cataclysm, but Cataclysm at least just went: Dungeons (or crafted) and JP Gear to Raiding, whereas MoP is: Dungeons, Crafted, JP, and Dailies (all alongside each other) to LFR to Raiding. To any retro gamer out there reading this, Cataclysm is to Castlevania as MoP is to Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest (except that Cataclysm was also terrible, unlike Castlevania, but in the gear progression sense, this analogy holds true). In addition, Blizzard claims you have "choices" and "options". I've experienced both sides as I now have two level 90s, one of which (my main), I did all the dailies and did everything possible, and my alt, who is not doing the dailies. While both sides are terribly slow, the dailies character was much faster, but 10x more boring. Aside from all of that, the ONLY reason I'm giving my review a 5 instead of a 1 or even a 0 is because of the raiding content and challenge dungeons. I won't lie, I've disliked and even hated raiding since Tier 9 (that is, Trial of the Crusader, the patch after Ulduar), but Tier 14 is actually quite superb for a very awful expansion. Even moreso, Challenge Dungeons are a fun rush that only offers vanity and aesthetically beautiful gear for overcoming difficult challenges with a group of friends/guildies/whatever. While I still think MoP is doing very poor in its current state, it is by no means the worst expansion, as Cataclysm easily deserves that award (less choices, less stuff to do, awful raiding, awful EVERYTHING). I have hopes for the future, but they're very slim because if the fun raiding content stops, this will instantly turn into a 1 and a subscription cancellation, permanently.