Bairdo

[SPOILER ALERT: This review contains spoilers.]

Great cinematography and special effects, but those things don't save movies from bad scripts and bobble-heads named Bob. Nor do they save them from bobble-heads named Cruise - Even if he does play a better future man, that he does a Hollywood actor. By the way, in my future, **** won't get to call themselves Cruise, or Edge, or Sting.

There were a lot of things about this movie that I liked. The things that I didn't like, bothered me.... 1) There are an uncomfortable amount of far-fetched moments, in which characters seem to act against their nature in order to serve the plot better. 2) Tarantino's cameo is extremely awkward he may as we'll have been on screen wearing a beret and sitting in a director's chair. 3) I'll never agree with the use of modern music in period movies. Are electric guitars and hip-hop necessary in a cowboy movie? I think Quentin Tarantino is (maybe was) a great director. I just wish he'd stop making semi-serious, semi-goofball REVENGE flicks a la Kill Bill, Kill Bill Vol. II, Inglorious Basterds, and Django Unchained. That's four, and I believe he's threatened to make another Kill Bill! It's now a great number of years since Tarantino has shown any real range as a filmmaker. He obviously has the talent and imagination to make a serious movie for a change, and he really should.

Amazing to look at, and one of the most (if not the most) suspenseful films I've ever seen. It's truly "edge-of-your-seat" entertainment. Unfortunately, lines like "No one's going to pray for my soul....I've never prayed. No one ever taught me how. No one ever taught me how" (and there are a few) take away from the experience. You can't tell me that a film with basically one actor doesn't need strong dialogue.

Yeah, this was not very good at all, and a borderline Turd. I payed $5.99 to watch it, and I'm still not able to look in the mirror. Too many cheeseball lines, that couldn't be saved by good actors. In the middle of a catastrophic battle with aliens on a main street, was it necessary for Superman to say "Stay inside, it's not safe"?. No, it wasn't. Also, **** you ever read this review, I want you to know that you can count on me to save you from dying in a tornado I don't care if they find out I'm really fast.

Wow. One can picture the director turning to the producer and asking "Should we go with cheese or cliche for this scene?" and the answer invariably being "Both". The blackmail part was the only authentic scene in the whole Turd I'm guessing because they had to extort these actors to get them to buy into this mess. There must have been a "I will never have to watch this piece of garbage" clause in their contracts....Actually, Wahlberg has probably seen it a few times.

Awful movie. Very silly. It has the feel of a low-budget, one hour teen drama. It's such a piece of garbage that it should be crumpled up and covered in the old food you threw in the trash. I paid six bucks to rent this turd and I'm not even gonna finish it. I should have flushed that six bucks down the toilet. It would have been far more entertaining. I feel great after dumping on this movie. Premium Crap.

Awful. We walked out after 45 minutes - That's how long we gave it the benefit of the doubt. What a waste of time and money. Jonah Hill is funnier than that (not to call 21 Jump Street funny at all), and Channing Tatum is....I dunno, a beefcake or whatever. What the **** is with all the green (critic AND user)? Don't tell me this passes for funny. For me it passed for Are We There Yet? It even had Ice Cube! Ice Cube is a thespian of the highest caliber and should be showered with statues. There, I said it.

Awful. I had to turn this movie off after 39 minutes. No movie can redeem itself after that much **** performances were extremely inauthentic - I couldn't stop cringing at how much it felt like an amateur play. The "actor" who played the daughter's friend can count his performance as one of the worst in recent memory. I wouldn't be surprised if he was plucked off the street and told to act stoned. Oscar nominated?....That confirms what I already knew. I'm totally baffled that so many critics and users enjoyed this abominable turd.

Some movies set their tone perfectly, right off the bat. Drive is one of them, and for me is the film of the year. The cast is pitch perfect, and the script/direction are restrained in just the right way. Right at home in 2011, but also 30 or 40 years prior, it's going to age like wine and collect a cult along the way. Heartfelt and badass work so well together, and are pulled off at once very infrequently. This movie accomplished that feat, and belongs with some very esteemed company.

WTF, man? I couldn't get past the fact that this movie was silly as hell without trying to be. Maybe I would have enjoyed it if I was wearing a zipper mask and whipping some gagged gimp. It was like a snuff version of Black Swan/Cuckoo's Nest set in an apocalyptic wasteland. Actually that's being too kind, that sounds vaguely cool. Anyway, there's only so many times I can see some hero land knees bent, one hand on the ground (the other outstretched for balance), and look up slowly. That's some corny over-used **** right there (see Iron Man 2, N'Sync, etc...)

Wow. A lot of users gave this movie a positive review (users, no doubt). I checked it out because I thought the concept was sort of cool, and because De Niro could release a fart and I'd still take a whiff. What ruined the film, was the fact that the lovely Abbie Cornish was made to use an ice skate as a weapon (to cut a bad guy)....which is fine, except for the fact that the skate was on the foot of a child - The child which she picked up and swung, cutting said bad guy. A cheesy, cringworthy moment that prepared me for the ridiculous blood-slurping scene.

Whether you're going for thoughtful comedy or all-out comedy, you gotta keep the laughs comin' man. I walked in thinking that a Kristen Wiig penned script would deliver, but really it just slugged along. I wanted the laughs to come out quick and relentless like diarrhea (see BRIDESMAIDS), but it just came out slow, awkward and not enough (see, um BRIDESMAIDS). It's a dramedy - You really gotta know your **** to pull off one of those turds.

They continue to besmear the legacy of that great first installment. I'm confident that the makers of Little ****, if they made a film out of this review, would find the basest and least funny way of poop-riffing on the word "besmear". "Let's get some really talented actors together for a good old fashioned cash-grab! Who cares if its crappy? I'll tell ya what's crappy....8 figures!"

Booooo. I spent 6 bucks on this and didn't even make it to the dinner (you know, the dinner for schmucks? I turned it off). There were laughs in what I did see, but very few and far between. Oh, and dumb, "you won't crack a smile" type stuff - There's quite a bit of that. Some very funny actors in a film with a sub-par script. Would there have been rewarding laughs if I had seen it through? I don't think that matters.

A serious western with some serious laughs. That's a great combination. My favourite parts were when they cut to that Dude-like stupor (eyes half closed, mouth agape) that only Bridges can summon. He's like a drunken, one-eyed Gandalf with a gun. A Stoner, thrown into a genre film. Very funny. This film will stand beside the best of the Coens.

I just plain didn't enjoy this movie. I'd give it another chance if I thought I could sit through it again. It's not a ballet thing either... I could enjoy watching anything if I found the story engaging. Vincent Cassel is great at playing ****, I found something semi-positive. Did anyone notice that there was a lot of crotch grabbing in this film? That's all positive.

Ben Affleck has been given so much **** I've realized something though. Just because the guy has chosen to do some really repugnant movies, doesn't mean he's a bad actor. If I played for the New York Islanders that wouldn't make me a bad hockey player. It's the team that ****. He's now deservingly regarded as a talented director (a status they'll try with might to rip from him), but it's also time to admit that he's a talented actor as well. He just needs to pick the right teams to play for. Playing for his own is a great start.

Before the credits even, Hannibal pulls a gun on B.A. in order to jack his famous van. The guy playing B.A. then spews a cracker barrel line that sets the tone for the rest of the film..."What is this, opposite day?". That abysmal line was tapping me on the shoulder for the rest of the film. How on earth did it make it past the first re-write? If they make a movie out of ALF or My Two Dads, I'll know better. Actually if they make ALF I'll watch that S**t

Holmes works out and is sort of American, and Watson is young and not fat? Gotcha. Better keep Guy Richie away from the franchises that actually hinge on obesity.

I'll tell you what's strange... Finding an actor who looks exactly like Jim Morrison and making him do all kinds of weird crap that's worthy of the cheesiest Unsolved Mysteries dramatizations. Other than that I enjoyed it.

Yeah yeah, "magic of the theater" and all that. Too much "Me" and not enough "Orson Welles". No offence to Zac Efron (look, I spelled his name right, there's no k in Zac), but.....yeah ok, a little bit of offence to Zac Efron. Not because of his acting, but because I yawned like I had two beers in me.

Hmm. Yeah I dunno, man. My expectations were certainly disappointed. Maybe it'll age like wine, but right now it's not even wine. It's like a desperate swig of Scope.