EludiumQ36

"The Dink" (96-min, Apple) This movie mirrors the "feud" I have with a brother, I'm a tennis purist and he's all into pickleball, so I've been waiting for a movie like this for a few years, and it did not disappoint. It far exceeded my low expectations, there was some good laugh/cringe moments, including Ben Stiller as a creepy/perv doctor, and the sight gags featuring a crusty ol' John McEnroe were spot on. Tennis champ Andy Roddick has a decent role, but it's a shame his model-wife Brooklyn Decker is only mentioned not cameoed; in fact, it'd have been so comically ironic for her to have been on a pickleball team - dock 1 star for not making that happen!

"Borderline" (Nov 2025, 90mins, R for hard violence, Amzn Prime) This is apparently a based-on-true-story accounting of what happened to Madonna in 1995 and her song "Borderline" is worked into the film. Samara loosely plays Madonna as the pop star "Sophia" who's stalked by psycho "Paul" convincingly played by Ray Nicholson. Now Ray, is one of Jack Nicholson's out-of-wedlock kids. And wow, he basically plays "Paul" as Jack played "Jack Torrance" in "The Shining". So many psycho mannerisms track identically, it's kinda amazing. Alba Baptista, best known for her "Warrior Nun" role, plays totally against type in this as "Penny" a full-on psychopathic killer partner to "Paul", who meets a satisfying end at "Sophia's" hand. The film itself, though low budget, has good production quality, moves along pretty well, but has a social/cultural weirdness that's unsettling. It's a decent watch.

"Playdate" (Nov 2025, 90-min, Prime Video) The trailer showed a fun actioner and that it was. Finally, a director and writer with actual comedy creds with writer Neil Golden bringing "Scrubs" colleague Sarah Chalke in for a minor role. Alan Ritchson as Jeff does comedy like an oversized preteen which kinda seems natural for him. Kevin James as Brian pretty much plays to his comedy type. Newcomer kid, Banks Pierce - sounds like a trust funder right? - plays psycho eerily well. Some of the action is wild, over the top especially the fight scene 16-mins in - we watched that over and over - and even later towards the end, the way director Luke Greenfield marries up hit pop songs with crazy fight scenes most definitely recalls "Kingsman: The Secret Service". Look, this is a fun, fast-paced actioner that you'll want to enjoy with popcorn and soda or "Psycho Juice" if you have that on-hand (wink).

"Superman" (July 2025, 2hr, $600M w/w, W/D/James Gunn) Ok, as an adult, this movie was not made for you and me. Like Trix cereal, it's for kids. Thk gd, I did not make a $100 IMAX theatre evening of this! I'm not going to spill hundreds of words here slamming it because it's all summed up with "it's for kids", and as such it's fine for them, though the whole military/political thread of this would be clearly beyond them or their interest, as well as the socially diseased illegal alien theme. And it's for these and other similar reasons that I give this James Gunn film a fail. Gunn used to be about fun with his GotG franchise but here, with this, he's just a LutherCorp TDS zombie.

"F1 the Movie" (June 2025, 150-mins, $610M w/w) Brad Pitt stars as aged, has-been racer who's an F1 team's Hail Mary chance to save it. Now you're seeing review ratings all over the place for this film and I'll tell you why. The story is good, the production values are good. But they misconceived the vehicle for this, yes, pun intended. Whenever a film is over two hours long, something is wrong. They either didn't edit it down to get rid of all the boring/flat scenes or it should've been a mini-series instead of a movie. In this case, it could've been either of those. There were MANY boring/flat scenes that - and thank gahd I did NOT see this in the theatre - you want to have a 30-sec skip button on a remote because, wow, I used it a lot over that 150 mins! There were also too many races depicted which lends itself for this having been better conceived as a mini-series where each episode could focus on one of those many races. So, this could've been a much better film experience if they edited it down to 75-90 mins OR it could've been a decent 6-episode mini-series. But because they made it a 150-min long, stuffed with fat film, it lost a lot of shine it otherwise should've had.

"Thunderbolts" (May 2025, 2hrs, $200M budget, $380M w/w) This is another failed recovery attempt by the Disney diseased Marvel. This film had to make at least $400M to break even, so that's a boxoffice fail, and might I say deservedly so. This is yet another pathetic attempt to rewire culture to DIE standards. You've idealized, empowered women in the key roles of this story, with the men either playing patsies or jerks. Women that are petite manhandling men is so disingenuous in an action film that's wants to be taken seriously but simply can't because human physics just doesn't work as idjets have scripted! Films like this will continue to waste people's time and valuable resources that could be used to bring audiences together rather than perpetuate this social engineering travesty.

"Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning" (May 2025, 165-mins, $600M w/w) Tom Cruise leads this franchise to a spectacular conclusion. Yes, it took me two evenings at home to watch this nearly 3hr epic but it represented a dizzying display of stunt-filled action. Allow me to detour for a moment, but Tom apparently did lose that extra weight I noted from "Dead Reckoning", though he still looks face-swollen. And he should win a DIE award for his casting "diversity". And who thought this would be the movie where my high school French classes would pay off?! Anyway, casting the faceless AI "Entity" as the bi-film villain he not only saved himself from being outshone but also gave us a topical villain. The stunts he performs in these two films are epic, worthy of Oscar awards. The "principal cast party" at the end was self-aggrandizingly gratuitous but it's a farewell thing I suppose. Anyway, it was a really good capstone to a towering franchise.

"Companion" (1/31/25, 90-mins, $34M w/w) This was a really good effort by unknown writer/director Drew Hancock. It stars Sophie Thatcher ("Iris"), who you could easily mistake for Jenna Ortega due to her lack of emotion, as a compliant sexbot that "Josh" conspires to utilize in a murder. But what happens when things go south and Iris gets hold of the android management console on Josh's phone?! Yeh, the tables get turned when the sexbot you assigned an intelligence value of 40% dials herself up to 100%. But there are enough twists and changes of advantage to keep things interesting. You'll definitely want a bucket of popcorn on hand for this one.

"Flight Risk" (1/24/25, $40M w/w, D/Mel Gibson) Mel directs this taught psychological thriller featuring Topher Grace and Mark Wahlburg. It's a low-budget presentation though its budget is reportedly $26M which is likely mostly fees for Mel and his stars because it's certainly not in the set pieces. Anyway, "Winston" is taken in as a material witness by Marshal "Madolyn" on a tiny Cessna piloted by "Daryl", but it seems the arch-villain (NPC) has compromised Daryl and others making the Marshal's mission to get Winston to safety very perilous. The thrilling situations that evolve are mostly plausible though you will have a few "ah, c'mon" moments but it's a mostly satisfying ride, have a bucket of popcorn available.

The Gorge (2/14/25, 2hrs, Apple+) This thriller stars Miles Teller and Anya T-Joy with Sig'y Weaver in a supporting role. They both play top-of-their-game snipers that have been selected as the only two sentries of The Gorge for a 1-yr period. They're told very little of their assignment even from both those they're relieving from their assignment. They're positioned in towers on opposing sides of the Gorge, about 1/2km wide, and told not to contact one another. But soon "Levi" notices his opposite is a very attractive "Drasa" and nature takes its course. Together they machine gun and bomb monstrous/zombie-like beings that emerge from the Gorge. But circumstances lead to their both going deep into the Gorge where they confront the zombies head on and uncover the evil corporation behind all this. But what's worse is that evil-corp attempts to terminate them before they get the word out, and even more excitement ensues. It's a good movie worthy of a bucket of popcorn once they go into the Gorge.

"Biggest Heist Ever" (12/6/24, 80-min, Netflix) is yet another hurry-up, poorly done Netflix production. This could've and should've been an awesome, highly anticipated exposé but instead it's a high-school level examination of Heather's cringe "RazzleKhan" alter-ego. Razzle-con anyone? This documentary doesn't even detail the actual heist! Oh, there are allusions to it, there's discussion, but it's all circumstantial. There was no detailing of how they did it, the timeline, you know, normal investigative reporting. Pitiful. And worse, towards the end because no one could believe these two social mutants could scheme to pull this off, is that there's some conjecture that Ilya's father, Eugene, was involved but there's no supporting investigation for it! Candidate for worst documentary of 2024.

"Hit Man" (June 2024, R, 110-min, Netflix) The previews for this lead you to believe it'd be a fun action thriller; instead, it's a dumb rom-com with Glen Powell playing a role that would normally go to Matthew McConaughey and Adria Arjona in a role fit for Salma Hayek, and Adria's resemblance to Salma is not to be mistaken. However, the story is flimsy with alot made of the chemistry between these two, but really, how hard is to act like a pair of hormonal teens? But that doesn't really work does it, since they're comparatively OLD. Look, I'm salty because I feel deceived, but if you want a harmless date movie with your lovely then have at it. You guys can rate it high, but this one hit me in the wrong place.

"Hellboy: The Crooked Man" (Sep 2024, R, $1.3M w/w, $20M budget) As you can see from these numbers, this film didn't do well at all, losing money for its investors. With this low budget, C-list cast, and middling, adolescent plot, this should've been a straight-to-tv production for something like the Shudder channel. And this is another movie I've seen recently that should be rated PG13 instead of R, I don't get it. The plot itself had two storylines, the capture of a monster spider and the confrontation of the wicked Crooked Man. That latter story involved a bunch of hillbilly witchcraft and zombie-ism. If you're a "Yellowstone" fan, you might enjoy seeing Jefferson White ("Jimmy") in this.

"Subservience" (Aug 2024, R, $250k w/w) Make no mistake, this is a showcase for Megan Fox who hasn't starred in a mainstream film since 2016's TMNT (- not that this is a mainstream film). She looks as hot as ever (closing in on 40) and you're hopeful given the R rating that you'd see a bit more of her, but AFAIC this rates a PG13. And given that it made nothing at all at the boxoffice - apparently not even released in the US - it would've attracted more viewers as PG13. Anyway, it gets a middling rating from me since it's your typical low-budget, lovely-helperbot-turns-murderbot plot. It doesn't even really utilize present-day AI tropes or tech in the story, so that's a bad miss.

"Deadpool & Wolverine" (Aug 2024, R (DLV), 2hr, $1.3B w/w) Ryan co-wrote and stars in this explosion of violence and gore, omg. This is a hard R due to suggestive dialogue, tremendously and continuously foul language, and extreme violence and gore end to end. I'm not a parent but I must sound like one but you guys need to know this is NOT for kids. There's a continuing profluence of stabbing, goring, dismemberment, and decapitations, it's just horrific when you think about it. But this is what you get when Disney unleashes Ryan Reynolds and Shawn Levy (director) to make them money since they've lost so much due to their DEI experiments. Ryan's "Deadpool" makes incessant snide remarks against Fox and other entertainment structures. However, if you don't like Deadpool's constant smart assery, Wolverine delivers an awesome 2+ minute takedown right to his face at 1hr 2m in, it's fantastic. In fact, throughout the film Wolverine is just disgusted with Deadpool, barely softening at the end. Whereas many reviewers lament the lack of a plot, I see a clear story there, I don't get the confusion, and it's a pretty good story of character redemption. There were many tremendous cameos by stars you're really happy to see but let me talk about the Cassandra Nova character for a moment. She looms large in this film as the main antagonist; she's the sister of X-Men's professor Xavier. Now, she's deliciously evil with awesome abilities but she appears with absolutely no sex appeal, intentionally apparently. I really miss that dimension of character portrayal but these are the times in which we live now, androgyny trumps sex appeal, ugh, whatever. Having said all that, the film is really a lot of fun for its irreverent, witty dialogue but the violence/action is beyond what's really needed, it's next level psychotic. And that's why I cut this from a 10 rating to a 7.

"Operation Avalanche" (2016, (soft) R, 90-mins) This is a low-budget mockumentary about why and how the US moon landing July 1969 was allegedly faked. Matt Johnson writes, stars, and directs this effort presumably with other friends/colleagues who play themselves in this drama set in 1967 even though the "landing" occurs in '69, weird since this doesn't play out over two years. Anyway, I could've sworn that David Blue ("Stargate: Universe") was in the role of Matt, but they only look alike apparently, kinda like how co-star Owen Williams looks really similar to Jim Parsons ("The Big Bang Theory"). Also how this movie was rated R is beyond me, I didn't see anything rating higher than PG. I'm going to go SPOILER at this point since most of you won't bother to watch this given the radical premise and I want to remember my experience of it. Matt and Owen are newly minted CIA operatives posted at NASA as documentarians to uncover a mole. Instead, they find out that NASA is at least five years from being able to land on the moon! So ambitious videographer Matt, pitches the CIA director (yeh right) that they can film an ersatz landing experience which gets the title name. Much drama and intrigue ensues but he's successful though alot of people around him are off'ed by the CIA. It's one of those movies to watch when you're sitting around going through your mail, paying bills, playing string with your cats, etc.

"Wolfs" (Sep 2024, R/violence, 105-mins, Apple) Look at the reviews here. We're all saying the same thing. The director and three stars are A-list. This should've been an outstanding experience. Instead, it's a phoned-in performance by all four who moonwalk away with tens of millions for what turns out to be a very low budget (after removing their monies) crime thriller. In fact, all these Hollywood A/B-listers are taking these new studios to the cleaners, and the studios don't care! They've got BILLIONS to simply throw away on their matinee idols, who in turn stage sleepwalk, turpid performances for more money than they've ever gotten. In this waste of an effort, George and Brad play to type as too-cool-for-school cleaners who exert no effort in their character portrayals. I can't tell you how many times I was so utterly bored that I just kept leaning on the skip-fwd button. Then at the very end when they try to convince each other they've figured out who set them up for this, you just don't care anymore because you're either vacuuming your floor, or playing string with your cat, or waking up the third time from falling asleep. It gets my 3 stars because the first 20-mins were ok, they spent alot of pop tunes for the soundtrack, it was good to see the possibilities **** and Brad pairing though it was a head-fake all along.

"Kinds of Kindness" (June 2024, R, 155 mins, $15M w/w) This part of the review is spoiler free. This was a limited release in only a quarter of theatres of a typical wide release film, yet at $15M worldwide it didn't come close to recovering its costs, and that's because this is one strange film, rather it's an anthology of three stories in this one film, each about 50-mins long, so you could watch this as a mini-series if you want since there's nothing really tying one to the other except for the actors and the character referred to as RMF whose initials we never find out. Oh, and prepare yourself for discordant piano ala "Eyes Wide Shut" throughout the film, and for weird expressions of love regardless of gender. Finally, the topics and scenes of this film aren't for everyone so read through this to see if you should spare them from it. Spoilers now follow: Anyway, the first vignette is titled "The Death of RMF" which showcases Jesse Plemons as "Robert" as a corporate cult drone of Willem Dafoe as "Raymond". When he doesn't murder RMF as directed, he is (soft) cancelled by Raymond with a kiss on the lips, though Robert doesn't readily accept this. He reveals to his wife all the controlling things Raymond had him do to them including poisoning her with RU486 as child prevention. She runs off and he positions himself to date Emma as "Rita" who turns out to "work for" Raymond also. She misses their first date because she was in a car wreck involving RMF(!) who's critically injured this time, so Robert, disguised as a nurse, pulls the comatose RMF from his bed, drops him in the parking log, runs him over twice(!) then returns to Raymond's place to tell him - uncancelled. "RMF is Flying" is the next story with Jesse "Daniel" a cop whose wife Liz (Emma) is lost at sea. His friends, Neil and Martha, come over for dinner, and he wants to relive Liz's memory by watching a video with them, but that video is a group sex video of the four of them! As it turns out Liz is rescued, returns, but Daniel soon suspects it's someone that looks like her but doesn't behave like her, she's an imposter of some sort. The RMF character only has a moment when referred to as the helicopter pilot who saved her. When he wants her to leave, she won't, so he asks her to do preposterous things that end up killing her - problem solved, though another Liz shows up at that very moment - very Black Mirrorey. The final story is "RMF eats a Sandwich" which actually isn't a reveal until a post-credits scene. This one has a lot of topless scenes so... Jesse is "Andrew" and Emma is "Emily" as they search for someone who can revive dead people. In this one, Emily drives a purple Challenger SRT as if she's a stunt driver. She recalls from her dreams that they're looking for a certain woman who's an twin of another woman. They find her and wham, she revives a dead guy at the morgue! And the guy she revived - RMF! Then for 35-secs Emma as "Emily" does a wild, sexy (though eyes closed) solo dance in a parking lot - wow. There is another family cult subplot to this one that's pretty weird, too, involving date **** and presumably abortion again. This whole film experience is really off the rails in many aspects.

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (2004, (soft) R, 105-mins, $74M w/w) You know, I had never watched this movie before, so on its 20th anniversary year, it's free to watch on Youtube so why not? Kate Winslet plays "Clementine" who within the first 15-mins seems miscast in this role which should've been played by someone much younger, early to mid 20s given her capricious, immature nature. It's weird how she just steamrolls herself into "Joel's" (Jim Carrey, also too old) life and he's not at all suspicious, she's got no friends, no other life it seems besides attaching herself to him, out of a seeming desperation. Anyway, Lacuna is a business that erases your memories of someone. Clementine erased hers of him, without him knowing, and he found out after she acted like she didn't know him. So he does the same, and the movie is much about his erase procedure where he's apparently semi-conscious, so he's reliving memories of his time with her while he's hearing the memory techs casual banter in his room during the procedure, and of course, he doesn't understand where these voices are coming from. But somehow he realizes he's in the memory-erase procedure and he also realizes that one of the techs had helped to erase Clementine's memories, fell for her, and is now dating her and using Joel's intimate letters/cards to Clementine as his own! Now, this realization apparently makes the automated erase procedure go awry, so Stan (tech) has to stop partying with Mary (admin asst) since Dr Howard is coming over to resolve the problem. They're worried that he'll know they're stoned and been goofing off, but they clean up pretty well. However, surely Dr Howard would've smelled the marijuana all over the small apartment. Then a stupid thing happens between Mary and Dr Howard and it turns out Mary had erased past intimacies with him! She goes rogue and sends memory-erase interview tapes to everyone who's had the procedure including Joel and Clementine. So in the end, what's it all about? It's a love story, the usual one where you're together, you break up, then you get back together, but this one has the memory-erase twist thrown in to make it different, but it's the same love story. Oh, if you do happen to watch this again, make a drinking game of how many times Clementine changes her hair color.

"The Union" (8/16/24, 100-mins, PG13, Netflix) Mark Wahlberg gets top billing over Halle Berry in this spy/action/romancer though it seems more that Halle is the film's lead. The film's title comes from the secret agency that "Roxanne" (Halle) recruits "Mike" (Wahlberg) into, and it's a blue-collar reference since it's an agency comprised of trade-level agents instead of those from Ivy-league schools. So that's a different take on inclusivity. This film is getting a lot of low scoring in this forum and I understand that though I don't grade as severely. Netflix apparently just throws cash at projects and hopes for the best. This project has good, solid casting but the director is almost exclusively from tv shows so he's not really up to doing this feature-length film. But much as it pains me to say this, Halle Berry largely contributes to the film's problems. She's approaching 60 but tries to come off as 40-ish with her sassy, cute haircut. Her 34yo body from "Swordfish" has given way to a pudgy waist and bigger "trunk". This affects her movement, her running, her action sequences, and it just doesn't work unfortunately. Wahlberg, at 53, is still in fine shape and performs well in his role though his romance with "Roxanne" is awkward and a bit weird. I wouldn't characterize this effort as a waste but if you do watch, I hope this sets your expectations low enough.

"Alice in Wonderland" (2010, 105-min, PG, D/Tim Burton) I watched the 3D version of this which added that extra visual oomph to this live-action fantasy. Mia W'ska stars as "Alice" in her first leading role, and I wasn't impressed. She had a really hard time apparently doing green-screen acting. Much of this film was cgi and obviously done in post-production so the live production would've mainly been acting with your imagination that there were make-believe characters in front of you, etc, and she just didn't pull that off well at all. But even during the live-action, non-cgi sequences she just came off as stilted/wooden, again, not impressive. I guess Tim Burton, a fine director, just couldn't direct her to success. Beyond that, the other principals pulled their weight and saved the film. One of the things I found amusing was how much this adaptation had in common with 1939's Wizard of Oz, esp Alice and Dorothy. Looks like writer Linda Woolverton took more "liberties" than normal with this. One final thing, cultural messaging was fairly muted till the end when she returns to her abandoned wedding and spouts a bunch of feminist ideology which is out of character for "Alice" as a young teen character, so the movie ends with a thud instead of charm.

"Jackpot!" (Aug 2024, 100-min, R for swears, D/Paul Feig, Amazon Prime Video) is a rollercoaster of an action-comedy. The film combines humor, action, and a touch of heart. The storyline is a dystopian lottery game in 2030 where the winner must survive an LA-wide murder-manhunt to claim their prize setting the stage for a series of hilarious and thrilling escapades. Awkwafina stars as "Katie Kim", a former actress who accidentally finds herself in possession of the winning ticket. Her comedic timing and quirky charm bring a refreshing energy to the film. Her chemistry with John Cena's character, Noel, is a highlight. John Cena co-stars, as Noel, a lovable bruiser and security expert, delivering a satisfying performance. His physical comedy and deadpan delivery are spot-on, providing plenty of laugh-out-loud moments. The film's action sequences are well-executed, with Cena's impressive stunts adding an extra layer of excitement. But make no mistake, there's an army of stuntmen contributing to the **** film's pacing is brisk, ensuring there's never a dull moment. The clever script is filled with witty dialogue and pop-culture references that keep you engaged."Jackpot!" is a fun action-comedy that showcases the comedic talents of Awkwafina and John Cena. Their performances, combined with a unique and engaging storyline, make this film a winner. You won't regret watching this one with your date, friend, family as long as they're ok with swears/cursing.

"Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga" (6/25/24, R for graphic violence, 140-min, $170M w/w, W/D/George Miller) Sorry, it's forced, but you gotta rhyme Furiosa with that fast car. Look, I'm a tough critic, but this film was really entertaining. Anya TJ as the title character surprised me with her intensity, dint have much of a speaking role but she performed her character very well. I can't help but think how humorous it was on-set when everyone realized that George had uglified Chris by misshaping his nose, but I think it took away from his fearsome name "Dementus", looks more like "Doofus". But man, the typical Mad Max monster rig fights off nimble aggressors was pretty amazing. I mean at times it really looked like real people were getting gouged, blown up, and run over. Can you imagine doing take after take of these scenes in a film?! And the post-credit scenes showed how the end of this story transitions to Fury Road. There are many other supporting characters that were really good, too, but this is a short review afterall.

"Fall Guy" (5/3/24, 2hr, $145M w/w, D/David Leitch) This was a fun movie, in a strange category of romcom/action, so it's the perfect date-night film - romance and comedy for her, action for the guys. Ryan Gosling had authentic chemistry with John Krasinski's wife, Emily Blunt, they had a good time which means we had a good time. Both play underdogs which we, the audience, always love, right? The movie also shows the devious power of deep fake photos and video to aid in the commission of crimes. The movie runs a kind of long 2 hrs so you may want to break it up into a two-part affair like me and mine did. This really is a fun, fast-paced romp - you should enjoy :-)

"I Care a Lot" (2020, soft R, 2 hrs, Netflix) soft R rating for lesbian intimacies and incessant vaping. This film shows how court-appointed guardianship can be abused when certain trustees go rogue for financial benefit. "Marla Grayson" (Rosamund Pike) stars as the sociopathic anti-protag who perpetuates a fraud on a nice old lady who happens to have connections to "people that care". "Roman Lunyov" (Peter Dinklage) is one of them but just when you think he's handled the Grayson problem you get the twist. So the final half hour is "who's going to prevail, Marla or Roman?" The answer to that, of course, is a serious spoiler, but it is an outcome that I did not guess because it's so rare of one. But you have to stay to the very end because even that twist gets another, more satisfying one - enjoy.

"Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom" (Cmas 2023, 2hr, D/James Wan) This should've been an outstanding sequel to 2018's Aquaman but instead you get something akin to a video game adaptation. This director has so much more potential but the gazillions in budget were just squandered on VFX as if this was a half-hearted Netflix production. But worse is that the writing is just horrid, and to find that Wan and Momoa both have writing credits for this! I mean baby peeing in daddy's face is an ancient romcom trope, who the @$#% permitted this into the screenplay of a big budget action movie?! And there are too many other such travesties to bother with here, very very disappointing.

"The Wrong Missy" (May 2020, 90-min, Netflix) This is one of the most bizarre romcoms you'll see. David Spade gets top billing but this film is all about Lauren Lapkus' "Missy" character. She plays the most hyperbolic, over the top character you've seen since something like that was done by Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, or even Rob Corddry. For me, her performance came off as cringe but some people like that crazy, hyperkinetic energy, I guess. Molly Sims costars as the other, hot, Missy and wow has she aged nicely. I remember her when she starred in "Las Vegas" 20yrs ago (in her hot 30s), so barely recognized her now but still has some "wow" to her. Anyway, the movie is so focused on Lauren's/Missy's antics that you don't get much else value from it, and that falls on the inexperienced writers and director. Lauren is the only winner out of this effort and fine if you're fan of hers I suppose.

"The Perfection" (2018, 90-min, Netflix, Dir/Richard Shepard) I did not have high hopes for this film but the director is a pretty good writer, too, and Steven Weber usually delivers a good performance, so why not? And lemme tell you, 15-min when the two starlettes kiss, I was like c'mon, one of these movies? But I hung in there which was a good thing because it turned out to be one of the most unpredictable plots I've seen in quite awhile. There were twists at least four different places. In fact, the director did the rewind thing a few times to reveal what led up to the particular twist. At its heart it's a tale of sexually abused young women getting revenge on pervy geezers but how it gets there is pretty engaging. Some scenes are really tough to watch so this isn't going to be for everyone but it's those scenes that give this movie it's particular "flavor".

"Spectral" (2016, 100-min, Dir/Nic Mathieu) This is a surprisingly good Netflix special-ops/scifi thriller from FIRST time writer/director Nic Mathieu - a very good rookie effort. The story addresses an interesting question: what happens when the powerful US military comes across a new type of enemy force that's seemingly invincible? And it's answered in the form of an embedded engineer that rises to the challenge giving the special-ops forces the advantage in combatting man-made spectrals based on Bose-Einstein condensates, and yes, that's an authentic thing. You'll enjoy performances by some familiar favorites such as Max Martini and Bruce Greenwood. James Badge Dale ("1923", "Hightown") stars as our protag engineer. It's directed with fast pacing and decent VFX. "Spectral" is old-school enjoyable which is really rare these days.

"Unfrosted" (5/3/24, 90-mins, Netflix, D/Jerry Seinfeld) Ok, wow, so now you know for a fact what everyone has suspected since the 90s, that Jerry Seinfeld is an apprentice-level comic and director. Jerry narrates the fictional tale, to a little runaway boy who speaks like an adult, of the pop tart's origin story - a fierce competition between Kelloggs and Post for the next big breakfast product beyond cereal. The film, full of B- and C-list comedians, tries to play as slap-stick, sight-gag comedy in the vein of "Airplane" but just doesn't capture the humor and rhythm of that hall of fame film. Having said that, it's not a horrible movie, it just can't cash the check its expensive cast attempts to write. It's the typical, mediocre film you expect of Netflix these days. It feels like Seinfeld was given millions to produce, write, direct, and star in this content fodder that you just know he only spent a lazy afternoon at his mansion conceiving. This could've and should've been so much better.

"Rebel Moon Pt 2" (4/19/24, Netflix, Dir: Zach Snyder) Wow, just wow. RM Pt1 was good, very good, but this Part 2 takes it to another level! Zach Snyder brought alot of the magic of "300" to make this a spectacular event. This is a "Star Wars" that Kathleen Kennedy and her minions could never make. This is a masterpiece of the genre - and I NEVER say that about anything. Sofia B. makes a decent enough protag but Ed Skrein as Atticus Noble makes a deliciously evil villain, even more so in this outing. But let's go back to Zach for a moment. This film shows you the potential that can be realized when you let an A-list personality produce, write, direct, and do the cinematography for an action/adventure film. Few have tried, and most fail, but Zach scores big here. And the final five minutes set the stage for what the Part 3 story would be, so here's to hoping Netflix does the Right Thing by Greenlighting it!

"Dune Part 2" (11/3/23, $700M w/w) This is the highly anticpated and apparently highly rated sequel to its Part 1. However, opening scene, despite there being no bird life in the region, an Atreides rebel uses a bird call to summon a few men who are just a few feet away. A few moments later Paul and Jessica - pregnant no less, dressed in sand-wear rags, overcome two body-armored and armed Harks. Is there no one on set performing common sense checks against the screenplay?! What's the point of an epic story if two unprepared underdogs are going to simply defeat fearsome foes w/o breaking a sweat?! And then to become the new den mother, Jessica - from the Order of Benny and the Jets - has to drink what a minor character refers to as poison worm piss, and the woman giving it to her to drink says that she will die(!), and when she hesitates because of that they yell at her to drink - these kind of shenanigans are what you expect from a pledge party at a sorority! And then they realize, as it's discovered AFTER she drinks, she's pregnant! And this blue juice that that's toxic enough to knock her down, spaz out, and turn her eyes blue has no effect on her pregnancy! Really?! Really?! Again, what's the point of any of this if the protags are just going to magically coast through without any kind of sacrifice?! Then there's the gorgeous cinematography, yes, mounds and mounds of sand, and dank, dark caverns. If you're into shades of tan and brown, you're in heaven. And our co-star with the single name is deliberately made unattractive because that's just what an audience of mostly men want to see. So after 29-mins of this 166-min thing, I will waste no further of my entertainment life on this, I'm calling time of death, just ridiculous.

"Book of Clarence" (1/12/24, PG-13, 122-min, $6M US only, D/Jeymes Samuel) is an interesting dramedy vehicle for star LaKeith Stanfield ("Atlanta"). In the time of Jesus, he plays a down on his luck dude who needs shekels to pay off a debt fast. He concocts a money-making scheme to be a charlatan messiah since, as an atheist, he's sure that Jesus is just using tricks to fool crowds into donating money. And he sees success at it. Along the way he frees Barabbas who becomes a bodyguard for Clarence. However, it's disappointing to see the director using the film play to hurtful racial stereotypes, though. IIRC, the entire biblical cast is black but the cruel Roman legions are all white, so that was unnecessary reverse-racism. Anyway, karma catches up to Clarence the charlatan and he finds himself staked up alongside the real one which can trigger an emotional reaction and leads to a character-transforming touching ending.

"Lift" (1/12/24, PG-13, Netflix) stars Kevin Hart playing against type in a more serious, non-comedic role ("Cyrus") for a Netflix copy of Ocean's 11, think Cyrus' 7. Ahead of this movie, he was interviewed on Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live and was introduced as an "A-list" actor - there's a sad (and likely paid) plea for respect - but his 5-ft 2-in self just can't be taken seriously as a heist crew lead. In fact, there was obvious use of camera angles as well as him on stairs to make him appear taller, sad. And his of-course romance with character "Abby" is so forced and unlikely it's just cringe. Having said that, Netflix did provide a decent budget so the production values are on par with an Ocean's 11 but again, it just falls so short of expectations because of their mis-casting him, and only him, as the crew lead when he should've been in a minor support role as comedy relief which is his strong suit.

"Saltburn" (12/22/23, 125-min, R, $19M w/w) is an interesting contrast of English gentry and commoners. It follows the summer exploits of commoner "Oliver Quick" on scholarship to Oxford and his seemingly chance meeting with "Felix Catton" whose aristocratic family resides at the palatial "Saltburn" estate. Felix generously invites Ollie to stay with them over the summer but Saltburn's residents and hangers-on ensure Ollie knows his place as a temporary plaything of Felix. However, the film which excels in its cinematography and accompanying grand/epic music - takes an interesting turn when the underestimated Ollie turns the tables on the gentry. This is one of those movies that warranted a full mini-series treatment though because they totally rushed the ending which'll make you feel cheated. Yes, there's a satisfying reveal montage but it's rushed and crammed into the final 15-mins of its runtime. It'd have played out so much better as six 45-min episodes. Tip of the hat to "newcomer" Jacob Elordi as "Felix" who played his part so convincingly and appears to be the next Hollywood "it" guy.

"Corner Office" (2022, 100-mins, PG-13, $0 boxoffice, D/Joachim Back) attracts you since Jon Hamm ("Orson") stars and he finds a room that he's told doesn't exist. This entire film is deception. First, Orson has a psychosis. The room objectively does not exist, it's a micro-utopia he's carved out in his mind, and it's not even a corner office. This should've been sold as a half-hour Twilight Zone episode. It has no business being feature length. The writers and director have little to no experience, and whatever there is, is in shorts. Jon Hamm is wasted in the lead, he's only attached to this for name recognition. There's so much dull, uninspired narration that you could treat this as an audiobook; seriously, there's practically no need for it to have visuals. I wasted my time so you don't have to, avoid.

"Asteroid City" (6/23/23, PG13, $46M boxoff, D/Wes Anderson) is a visually splendant, eye-candy film featuring high-contrasty pastel colors set in the American southwest of 1955 co-starring many familiar A and B-list names and that's about all that's good to say about this film that didn't break-even at the box office and here's why... Wes has his actors engage in WAY too much dialogue and excruciating exposition with little to no action or intrigue. He directs his actors to speak in monotone with little to no facial expressions - this guy is deliberately making a boring film! Many, many reviewers give Wes a pass but why?! If a film school student made this, they'd be told to seek another career because they just don't get the FUNDAMENTALS of film making! The story, the plot, the performances are all just white rice bland, there's absolutely no entertainment value in this except for its color scheme. 3 stars only for the art/set/visual contributors.

Extraction II (6/16/23, Netflix, R, 2hr, D/Sam Hargrave), written/produced by the Russo brothers, continues the high octane action from 2020's original. Filmed across four countries, "Tyler" (Thor's Chris Hemsworth) is hired out of retirement to extract his ex-wife's sister and kids from a Czech prison, but he and his team of two are up against a huge, ruthless band of a drug/arms runners. There's lots of intense hand-to-hand fighting since everyone is wearing layers of body armor, lots of chases, and lots of equipment destruction. The betrayal that the story turns on is understandable but it's executed stupidly, in fact there are a few stupid moments mixed in with all the octane and that's why you're seeing some low reviews, and it's why I knocked this down to a 7. Also, Hemsworth doesn't act so much as fight/bludgeon, his character is more Neanderthal than modern action hero so that's a problem too. Anyway, they all but telegraphed there'd be a third adventure minus "Yaz", so this might be a new action franchise we're seeing unfold.

"Reality" (2023, 80-min, Max) is a docudrama that depicts the events of Reality Winner's arrest by the FBI for leaking classified info to The Intercept. Its cinema verité style is fine but this film works better as an FBI training vehicle since they're pretty much glorified in this treatment. Dialogue references to The Intercept were censored which was stupid and annoying. They clearly took advantage of the naiveté of this 25 yo, coming on all friendly like without making her aware of her right to remain silent - which she should've known, too. And what'd she get for her cooperation and openness? Jail time - no bail - till her trial which never happened because she pled guilty to a felony agreeing to a sentence of 5 yrs! Um, you'd almost have to think her attorneys were siding with the prosecution - that's a horrible outcome for a leak - based on her perspective of what was right for the American people - that had no impact on anything but her life. But all of this last part isn't even depicted in the film! You have to go to Wikipedia to find all that out. The film pretty much ends with her arrest, very unsatisfying.

"Super Mario Bros Movie" (4/5/2023, PG, 90-mins, animated, $1.3B w/w box office) is a well made animated film from Illumination Entertainment starring the voices of H-wood A-list'ers. The thing is that the script, the plot is built for ages 8-13. Yes, adults can relish in the high-tech animation and enjoy nostalgic pop songs like "Take on Me" and ELO's "Mr Blue Sky" which leads into final credits, but most of the situations and certainly the fight physics are ludicrous, unless you're ages 8-13. The voice cast is comprised of A-list actors but they either can't do voice overs or they just didn't try, and you know why? There was not one credit for voice director or coach! A gazillion credits listed for animators, artists, musicians, and even a credit for a sole intern(!) but not a voice director. Young kids and their parents will certainly give high scores and they're the ones that led this film to its $1.3B w/w box office haul, but for everyone else, it's just a meh thing.

"Devotion" (2+ hrs, only $21M w/w, PG-13) seems to have promised more than it actually delivered. This rates as one of the most boring, slow-paced military action films I've ever seen. And it dwelt too much on racial oppression and differentiation themes that just further contributes to its ruin. As such, we exited early so we wouldn't have to complain about losing 2hrs of our lives.

"Spirited" (11/18/22, 120 mins, Apple+) stars Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds in a definitely different take on the Cmas classic. This could've been something you'd want to see annually but it's warped by Hollywood's liberal/progressive values yet again, but if you're under the age of 25 you probably don't even know or care. Anyway, the storytelling is further marred by it being a musical, and even that's forced. It's mostly karaoke-quality singing especially when done by Will and Ryan and even the characters often exclaim "oh no, not another one." Will Ferrell, sporting a facelift, seems to be the only one decently cast for this. Ryan is way over-qualified and Octavia Spencer - just how did they talk her into her role?! Again, this could've been Great with better casting and much less singing.

"The Munsters" (2022, 75-mins, D/P Rob Zombie) is such a big disappointment. It wreaks of "effort", you know, trying to be campy but isn't, trying to be cute but is awkward instead. There's definitely a Mel Brooks comedy/parody vibe but it doesn't commit to it. This reflects badly on directory Rob Zombie. He must've assured the execs he knew what he was doing, but he didn't come through. However, the set and production design is really good, especially all the colorful lighting and tilted views which recalls '60s "Batman". The acting is pretty uneven, too, no one really stands out as really good as their character though Sheri Zombie (Rob's wife) as "Lily" comes closest. Jeff Daniel Phillips as "Herman" doesn't deliver the '60s character either, think more Jim Carrey, ugh. This could've/should've been an awesome throwback, but it's just more phoned-in, wasted potential we've seen all through this Covid-era.

"Mad God" (2021, 80-mins, W/D/P Phil Tippet, stop-motion animation). This effort is best described by a series of adjectives: nightmarish, otherworldly, hellscape, incoherent, absurd, bizarre. I'm not even sure how you rate something like this. Other well meaning viewers have rated this from 10 down to 1. It took Phil and a small army of helpers 33 years to bring this to theatres where it flopped like nothing before/since. So by that measure it was a resounding failure. Does it entertain? Only if you're into all those cited adjectives at the same time. I'm not so it's a fail for me. I can appreciate the effort and its commitment to its bizarre vision but I can't recommend it and I certainly wouldn't ever watch it again.

"Lego Star Wars Terrifying Tales" (10/1/21, 45-min, Dis+) is a cute, often humorous addition to the Lego Star Wars franchise. The pacing is quick, entertaining and the voicing is really good, too, with the quickly recognizable Dana Snyder as Graballa the Hutt. IIRC, the various "tales" aren't so much separate like an anthology but different chapters of the story.

"Jurassic World Dominion" (theatres, PG-13, 2.5 hrs) should've been an awesome adventure-drama and it had the outstanding VFX to get there but the director and writers just whiffed on this. Totally implausible get aways from situations and dino-attax just took all the suspense/realism from this. Our protags were never, ever in any danger when their threats are simply written to be cartoonishly impotent. I mean a plane crash at 200-mph into snow/ice and our protags have no broken bones, no concussions, no **** or scratches even! Totally written by and for 10 year olds. And the ridiculous amount of close-ups on Bryce D H, is the director in love with her or what?! Jeebus. Anyway, such a disappointingly wasted opportunity.

"The Gray Man" (Netflix). What the #$%^ are people complaining about here?! This was an excellent, action-packed film from start to finish, this is Russo Brothers do Michael Bay. This film asks the question, how many kill teams does it take to take down one skilled assassin? Some of the fight scenes were actually watchable, since most these days are throw aways. And so much destructive capacity on display - in the air, on the ground, guess the budget didn't allow for ships/subs. And the answer to the kill teams question: more than the ten they threw at him. My only signif complaint is the final escape scene wraps up too quickly, not the satisfying ending it should've been.

"Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness" (streaming 6.22, theatres 5.6.22, $390M in US +$520M intern'l) Opening scene, not on board with the social messaging that's not so subtle. Third scene, the fight with the giant octo-squid, and the latina aka America Chavez hasn't a scratch out of it, and she's just brimming with entitled confidence. And later when Strange says "America doesn't have long" (when she's in peril) you can't help but notice the double entendre. Then there's this whole magni-terrible Scarlet Witch who's really just a sweet mom at heart so we're being schooled that even the most terrible person in the multiverse has the heart of a mom. It seems very kid-friendly Disney in its pollyannish optimism in the face of dire circumstances. The whole tunnel chase scene doesn't make sense given the magical power in play here. And there was a fair amount of magical book burning/destruction so is that book-industry messaging? Finally, how's it take three different attempts by the SW to drain America of her power - oh wow, is that a China draining America of its global power metaphor?! - over such a long period that provides enough time for Dr Strange to intervene. And these drainings apparently aren't cumulative which doesn't make sense. It's just so blatantly the-story-must-permit-the-good-guys-to-win regardless of plausibility. I'm sure if you're ages 10-15 you'll think this is just the best movie ever, but for the rest of humanity it's just CGI silliness. Tagline: I watched Multiverse of Madness and feel qualified as a family crisis counselor now.

"Ghostbusters: Afterlife" (2hrs, PG-13, Dir: Jason Reitman) is written for pre-teens, the "Stranger Things" crowd, in fact, the cast of unknown kids is almost a direct copy of them. Jason Reitman is a middling director and it shows in this tepid sequel that took 38-yrs to happen! The light-show action doesn't happen in earnest till the final half hour and it's just wholly implausible, especially with most of the original Ghostbusters just appearing from nowhere, just poorly planned and implemented/executed.

"Ambulance" (130-min, R, Michael Bay) is a rare whiff from the director who brought the Transformers franchise to the big screen. Production values were decent for a $40M budget but it looks like most of that was in set/vehicle construction/destruction. However, the film's writers aren't in the same league as the director and that's why this effort is widely panned. The dialogue and situational plausibility suffer badly throughout the film so "smh" is the current shorthand for audience reaction. But Hollywood once again checks the diversity box with a strong latina however unlikely her character is, so um, plausibility and they score a double with mixed race siblings, Danny and Will Sharp. At some point studios have got to realize forced diversity does not bring in the $$$.