AutiTakahashi

The demon in the "Paranormal Activity" movies doesn't just go bump in the night. No. It also likes to yank your hair, possess your kids, move your furniture, drag you across the floor, and beat the hell [out of] you. What a [**** bag]. Like its predecessor, "Paranormal Activity 3" winds back in time in an attempt to further trace the origin of its supernatural mysteries. The year is 1988. Sisters Katie and Kristi are young and naive. When their father, Dennis, begins to suspect that an entity might be roaming around their house, he sets up some cameras to catch the bastard on the act. Turns out, videotaping on an excessive scale runs in the family. If these folks went out more often, they'd probably end up with priced footage of Big Foot and the Easter Bunny. The recordings eventually reveal that, something… is among their family. Because this is our third attendance on what is essentially the same movie, this discovery is only shocking for them. "Paranormal Activity 3" suffers from The Side Effects of Unplanned Franchising, where its makers force a complicated plot to adapt to a simple concept that's best left untouched. This move is applied to successful movies so countless sequels can be produced in the expense of the original's reputation. (The idea of [REC] probably wasn't enough for three more sequels, so they added an out-of-place supernatural twist, which we saw in [REC] 2.) Read more here: ****/paranormal-activity-movie- review/

Romantic-comedies have become such a static routine in Hollywood that even the two lead characters in “Friends with Benefits” have memorized its blueprint. Earlier scenes present us with mild optimism when we learn that our impending couple is considerably aware of the genre’s most common clichés. But their advantage leads to no benefit when they go right ahead and implement the things they were formerly trying to rebuke. By the movie’s unsatisfying end, we get the feeling that the purpose of the references was to inform us that what we are watching is no different from the rest of its pack. Instead of utilizing its awareness as a stepping stone for improvement, “Friends with Benefits” lingers in mediocrity by idly pre-apologizing to the faults it plans to commit. What’s the point? What the movie lacks in screenplay is made up for in its cast. Reader, you have no idea how refreshed I was to see a rom-com that isn’t starring either Katherine Heigl or Ashton Kutcher. These two actors have spent so much time within the territory of their preferred genre that their careers have gone from complacent to comatose. Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are to romantic comedies as Milla Jovovich and Jason Statham are to action movies. A personal note of mine that may also come in handy in your future is this: Movies starring Heigl or Kutcher must be so bad that only Heigl and Kutcher and would agree to star in them. Read more here: ****/friends-with-benefits-movie-review/

G.I. Joe: Retaliation is a no-brainer of a movie. If a supernatural force beyond understanding urged you to like "The Rise of Cobra", then it is likely that you will enjoy the sequel just as much. Bless you. However, if you hated the 2009 film at least half as much as I did, then you should be smart enough to avoid its 2013 follow-up. Besides, I'm pretty sure that you've long decided on whether you'll see this or not since it's already been out for almost three weeks. Sigh. I shouldn't be writing this review. It's almost 1 in the morning and I have to be at work in a few hours. (Damn it! I have to be at work in a few hours!) So what gives? You see, movies that are as preposterous as "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" are the most fun to review. And, dear reader, when a movie like this is released, I cannot resist. Roger Ebert specialized in reviewing movies that are dumb beyond belief. I write this in further dedication to his spectacular life. For the 15th time, Channing Tatum reprises his role as Channing Tatum. He isn't around for long through as he is quickly replaced by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as the film's lead hero. The Rock (The Tooth Fairy) makes a better action star than Channing Tatum, which doesn't really say much for The Rock, since Justin Timberlake and even Jay Leno would also make a better action star than Tatum. With over 20 movies in his resume, Tatum's career highlight so far is playing a stripper in "Magic Mike". Is it about time for the 32-year-old non-actor to take a long, honest look at himself? Read more here: ****/gi-joe-retaliation/

As soon as the first of many electrifying robot battles in "Real Steal" went underway, I found myself instinctively recalling old memories that I didn't know I still had. I remember how I used set aside furniture in the living room to create space for an arena. I would gather my toys in that arena, and our gang would have some fun. I thrashed them all around, pounded them against each other, and flung them against the ruthless ceiling. Things would be cooler if my stuff could do more than just withstand nonstop hammering, but it was a restriction that my imagination couldn't handle. "Real Steel" is the giant robot action movie my inner child has been waiting for. It demonstrates deep affection for its robots by investing in aesthetic qualities that similar movies are indifferent to. Each machine is skillfully designed. All the robots enjoy such a specific shape, physique, color and theme that we can identify any of them upon sight. And because professional boxers were motion-captured to generate the mechanical fights we see on screen, the movements between these visually appealing robots are authentic and in harmony. Here is a good example of a special effects movie that doesn't depend on computers to do all the work. The world in "Real Steel" has reached a time where man is no longer permitted to box. The roars of the crowd appear to like the replacement of human fighters: huge, towering robots that are assembled to disassemble their challengers through brute force. Robot boxing has become so popular a sport that we see it being held in vacant alleys, dark warehouses, and luxurious stadiums. This is the kind of sport that I would prefer to watch from afar. You do not want to be in the front row, uninsured, when one of those massive robots gets tossed out of the ring. Read more here: ****/real-steel-movie-review/

One scene that defines the stylish and disciplined vigor of "Drive" transpires inside a slim, narrow elevator. Our heroes enter the elevator; the doors slam shut. By the time they open again, we have been taken through a hint of suspense, a moment of intimacy, and finally, a burst of ultra-violence. That the movie was able to depict and contain three different moods in a limited space and time astounds me. This is the rare kind of movie that fully values its existence, using every second of its running time for its benefit. "Drive" stars Ryan Gosling, the Oscar-nominated actor who was given more international appreciation in his previous work as Jacob Palmer in "Crazy, Stupid, Love". Here, a name eludes him as promotions only refer to his character as "Driver". The inquisitive effect of a screen name like Driver reminds us of Edward Norton's character in Fight Club, who was only identified in the credits as "Narrator". Both evoke the same aura of ambiguity, although the Gosling character is more subtle and composed. Driver's professional and personal life is centered around cars. He occupies the role of a stunt driver for the movies. He also works as a mechanic, fixing cars when he's not flipping them on set. Beyond that, he also participates in robberies by agreeing to be the getaway driver. Driving seems to keep Driver occupied. He hardly ever speaks. Ask him a question, and his words halt after the answer is given. There are not more than two instances in the entire film where he speaks three sentences in a row. His quiet nature strays away from conventional personalities and takes us to a person so perplexing, even his fellow characters join the audience in trying to understand him. Read more here: ****/drive-movie-review/

Of all the second-rate comic book movies that has occupied most of 2011's summer, "Green Lantern" is the only one of its crowd without a saving grace. "Captain America: The First Avenger" saw a true hero in Steve Rogers, giving as much attention to his human character as with his superhuman attributes. It was the goofy playfulness of "Thor" that made its overall silliness acceptable. "X-Men: First Class" was a prequel that founded itself on prior knowledge, instead of avoiding it. "Green Lantern" doesn't have a singular thing that could make it more than what we already expect. It fulfills the requisites of the superhero genre, then immediately stops trying. Millions of years ago, long before the nuisance of 3-D, an assembly of aliens called the Guardians formed an intergalactic peace-keeping organization. Each member, called a Green Lantern, was assigned to protect one of the 3,600 sectors of the universe. We're not sure how many planets or galaxies each sector covers, but we trust the judgment of the Guardians. With the whole universe accounted for, the blue, big headed Guardians have decided to spend the rest of their immortal lives in a planet called Oa. This peace is interrupted when a colossal, evil force named Parallax figured that it would be real evil if he started to eat planets; Earth and Oa are on his menu. Meanwhile, on Earth, our central human characters who coincidentally all have daddy issues, are introduced. Hal Jordan is a reckless test pilot whose actions on the job are always questioned by his authorities. When a severely injured Green Lantern crash lands on our planet, Hal is the one chosen by the Lantern's ring as his replacement. His duty later lands him in Oa, where he meets the Guardians. Plot details are discussed, obvious questions are asked, and shallow dilemmas are regarded with undeserved seriousness as a delay for the obligatory climactic confrontation, like taking 90 minutes to get to a destination 60 minutes away. Read more here: ****/green-lantern-movie-review/

"Soul Surfer" is a based-on-fact film about the life of Bethany Hamilton, an optimistic, blissful young girl who rode lots of waves, lost an arm, and rode lots of waves some more. Back in 2003, when she was just thirteen years old, Bethany's left arm was bitten off by a shark. Now she is a champion surfer, renowned in her field of sport and admired by people worldwide who share similar disabilities. What we have here is an incredible, inspirational story that's overshadowed by lazy, uninspired movie-making. In "Soul Surfer", Bethany's life has been reduced to formula, filtered through a lens of familiarization. The raw power of her story becomes covered with so much bland, Hollywood melodrama that very little of it makes is retained in the final product. Aaron Ralston should be pleased with what Danny Boyle did with his story; "127 Hours" was one of the best movies of 2010. However, if I was Bethany Hamilton, I'm not so sure if I would be pleased with what Sean McNamara did to my story. There is the distraction of another surfer named Malina. She appears in the same competitions that Bethany participates in. She is that character who is selfish, and mean, and willing to play dirty if that's what it takes to win. Malina is only here to fill the role of a villain in a movie that doesn't need one. Is there really room for a character like her in a film dedicated to Bethany Hamilton? Another problem is the dialogue. Because the movie's aim is to inspire, we understand it for engaging in its epiphanies and being vocal about them. The mistake is in the decision to prolong them. It extends simple insights into lecture's length, as if we need extra space to get its point. Read more here: ****/soul-surfer-movie-review/

The foremost flaw of “

Nick, Dale and Kurt are average Americans with reasonable and respected intentions in life. Some of their aspirations are no different from our own. Nick is the hard-working office employee who is always the first to arrive and the last to leave. He dreams of a big promotion, which he clearly deserves. Dale is committed to the woman he loves. His plan is to marry her, sustaining their relationship through his earnings as a dentist's assistant. Kurt is content with his role in the chemical company he's in. He smiles in the thought that he could one day be in charge. Nick, Dale and Kurt are such harmless, typical fellas that, when they agree that it would be best to kill their bosses, we wonder how evil their superiors could be. The bosses in "Horrible Bosses" are indeed what the title suggests them to be, and more. Besides being horrible, they're also psychotic, perverted, delusional, and mean. They make other people's life miserable because they can. They take advantage of their authority by engaging in activities that can only be classified as either immoral or illegal. I describe these bullies from observations I made during office hours. How do these people entertain themselves on a Holiday? The first of three bosses is Dave Harken, played by Kevin Spacey. Dave is so skilled at publicly humiliating others that he might as well host the next Oscars. Dave knows that he can easily make Nick's dream come true, but won't. Next up is Jennifer Anniston's Dr. Julia Harris, the world's horniest dentist. Julia's instinctive habit of seducing the nearest conscious male would make an ordinary man rejoice, especially if you're her assistant, but not Dale. He fears that Julia's regular sexual stunts will jeopardize his engagement. And then there's Bobby Pellitt (Colin Farrell), who has recently took command of the chemical company that employs Kurt. Because everything that Bobby touches turns to a strip club, Kurt is not confident that the company will last long. Read more here: ****/horrible-bosses-movie- review/

“Scream 4”, also known as “Scre4m”, knows its genre well enough to prove its superiority over the dumb horror films it proudly mocks, but it doesn’t come close to matching the quality of some of the great horror films it celebrates. Considering the franchise’s satirical nature, the past decade has provided director Wes Craven and writer Kevin Williamson with much material to work with. The movie succeeds when it sticks to the self-aware antics that it’s known for. Too bad this sequel often abandons this clever concept for ideas we’ve all grown familiar with. Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), one of the survivors of the first three “Scream” films, has returned to Woodsboro to promote her new book. She unwisely decides to visit her hometown near the anniversary of the first Ghostface massacre. Since it was death anniversaries and her surprise visits that triggered the massacres, you would think Sidney would keep a safe distance from Woodsboro, but no worries. Upon news that a new Ghostface has started a killing spree, Sidney re-unites with fellow survivors, Dewey and Gale, who are now married. The mature age of the three has granted them a major advantage over the new generation of students. We all know that, in horror movies, adults have a lower mortality rate than teenagers. Read more here: ****/scream-4-movie-review/

"Insidious" is a horror movie about an average family haunted with supernatural forces that possess a natural tendency to open lots of doors and make funny noises. Most fans of this subgenre will praise it not because it is an excellent film, but because the ones that came before it are infinitely much worse. Have you seen "The Haunting in Connecticut"? The unlucky family in this horror film is the five members of the Lambert family. Each of them is terrorized by a mysterious creature, but most unlucky is young Dalton, who is in a deep sleep and would not wake up. A doctor says that he isn't in a coma. A psychic claims that his spiritual body is trapped in another dimension she likes to call, The Further. Dalton's parents, Josh and Renai, are, to say the least, confused. Whether any of these explanations makes sense or not is not a major concern, because the story mainly serves as an opening to provide scares. "Insidious" is conscious of the genre's obvious clichés, but it avoids some of them by conforming to an unhelpful, alternative idea that is soon to be a cliché itself. Characters living in haunted houses are often so traumatized by the ghouls that they forget about the possible action of, you know, leaving the house. The Lambert family makes the practical decision of abandoning their home early on in the film, only to have their efforts thwarted when they are told that it's not the house that's haunted, but their son. "Oooooooo". So, instead of one haunted house, we get two haunted houses. Read more here: ****/insidious-movie-review/

It's a nervous feeling, you know, to wonder what kinds of dirty little monsters crawl all over my keyboard when I'm in peaceful sleep. The scariest killers are always those whom we cannot see. "Contagion" is a frightful film because it preys on the universal fear of germs and the diseases they carry with them. It treats its topic with a level of maturity that we can apply in our own surroundings. During the screening I attended, I became more and more cautious of the coughing guy seated in the row behind me. The epidemic crisis in "Contagion" finds a realistic tone by lining itself with other historical events. If we look back at the time where a major outbreak like The Black Plague took its toll, we'll learn that we don't always get the cure or vaccine as soon as we need them. Some diseases are still without a cure until today. (What would things be like if the common cold was fatal?) The movie gives a convincing depiction of how the present world would handle a similar crisis. An element that elevates "Contagion" from other "outbreak movies" is that it fully realizes the weight of its threat. As a result, we are spared with the false need of a tangible villain in the form of organizations with nothing but money in mind. Though there is a character by Jude Law who theorizes such things, his accusations only exist to be proved wrong. Every health official in the movie does their job, and they do it well. To watch this movie is to grow a renewed sense of cleanliness. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wipe my keyboard. Official review here: ****/contagion-movie- review/

I viewed "Hanna" with a mild curiosity. It feels that it started out as an average revenge thriller that was later enhanced by above average talents. The cast and crew of this film did more for the story that it could have asked of them. Sure, a lot of shooting and chasing goes around, but you can sense an evidence of planning and patience within them. The creators of "Hanna" operated with a vision of an audience with an attention span slightly longer than that of others. The film opens somewhere near the Arctic Circle. A teenage girl, named Hanna (Saoirse Ronan), has just killed a deer with an arrow, followed by a bullet. She drags the carcass of the animal through the deep, icy snow to a cabin in the woods where her father, Erik (Eric Bana), is waiting for her. Not the best conditions for a teenage girl, I'm sure. We learn that father and daughter have been in this place since Hanna was still an infant. She has been homeschooled all her life. And because Erik is a wanted CIA agent, he forms Hanna into the perfect assassin. Not everyone gets to master martial arts and firearms at that early age, and the secluded home of Hanna offers little distractions. But, this lifestyle is not without disadvantages. Except for her own father, Hanna has not known any other person. Her books tell her that the world contains so much, and she knows that she is a stranger to almost all of them. That is probably why she was more than eager to find out that her mission will require her to travel in order to eliminate lots of bad guys, including a secretive CIA officer, Marissa Wiegler (Cate Blanchett). Read more here: ****/hanna-movie-review/

“Just Go with It” is another step down for Adam Sandler’s career. It starts inside the lethargic world of Sandler and ends within the tired formula of the romantic-comedy genre. It’s a long, slow slide from crudeness to mediocrity. The morons that are the film’s characters are appalling upon the moment of their introduction. Unfunny and mentally incompetent, these people roam around the movie’s dead plot until it’s time for them to learn their life lesson while somehow finding a way to remain stupid. Most of the film’s first half is devoted to Adam Sandler’s compulsion to fool around. Most of the people are around him should be either a hateful jerk or a dumb stereotype, so his character would blend in with the crowd. He plays a rich plastic surgeon, Danny Maccabee. Danny’s heart was broken many years ago. As a coping mechanism, he pretends to be a depressed loser in front of pretty women. His life is so miserable that the women have no choice but to sleep with him just to cheer him up. One night, he meets a cute blonde named Palmer. His pre-planned lies result in their physical intimacy. He wakes up in the morning convinced that Palmer and himself are destined to be together… forever. Danny is apparently delusional enough to base his conviction on a one night stand. Coincidentally, Palmer is dumb enough to agree with Danny. Read more here: ****/just-go-with-it-movie-review/

"Drive Angry" is a grindhouse movie about fast cars, killer coins, mutilated bodies, bullet holes, bad accents, human sacrifices, Satan, Satan's worshippers, Satan's Accountant, and a few conversations about slitting the throat of an infant so Hell could move up to Earth and party. Find anything that could offend you? The star is Nicolas Cage. His choice of movies in recent years has been, questionable. Either he's been testing the range of his acting skills, or he's only been agreeing to do certain movies that require him to have a weird haircut. That man's hair has had more alterations than a teenager. After "Season of the Witch" and "Drive Angry", it's now safe to say that Mr. Cage needs to hire a new stylist as much as he needs to hire a new agent. Anyway. Cage plays a dead, angry, blonde man named John Milton. Don't ask. His daughter has been brutally murdered by a satanic cult, and plans to execute her baby while they drink beer. Milton, who is in Hell, is not happy. (And that's not just because he's in Hell.) Pissed off and ready to kick some living ass, he steals Satan's special gun and makes his way back to earth in a car. (It's probably Satan's, too.) His actions are constantly monitored by the Accountant, who is the film's most interesting aspect. Abstrusely played by William Fichtner, the Accountant, fresh from the Underworld, is a silent, well-dressed assassin with physical abilities beyond human. So, in short, he is The Terminator from Hell. Read more here: ****/drive-angry-movie-review/

There's a sad routine going on with romantic comedies nowadays. Bad ones, like "Life as We Know It", enjoy a wide release and a fat box office, while good ones, like "Flipped", remain unknown to many. But then, to our surprise, we are introduced to "Crazy, Stupid, Love". Here is a romantic comedy written with intelligence, driven by its story, and delivered with actors who are both competent and charming. And, what do you know, people actually know about it. The movie is about a set of individuals who have, in their own personal way, lost track of true love. A few of them may have never even experienced it in the first place, but their story is about how they get there. Let me tell you about them real quick. Cal and Emily Weaver (Steve Carrell and Julianne Moore) are a middle-aged couple whose marriage has hit a major bump. Emily has confessed to being guilty with adultery, and is now requesting for a divorce. Cal, in obvious shock, is swift to break the news to his children. Most affected is 13-year-old Robbie, who is in the middle of his quest of winning the heart of his 17-year-old baby sitter, Jessica. Kids, at the height of their hormones, can be relentless in their romantic pursuits. There is a lot of comedy between their encounters. Read more here: ****/crazy-stupid-love-movie- review/

Common sense is not welcome in a movie called

Let me get things straight first. I enjoyed

"**** Punch" ain't no movie. "**** Punch" is an excess of testosterone vomited into a reel of celluloid until it is violently splashed into the faces of its audience. The movie's advertisements are diligent in declaring its promise: "You will be unprepared." They were right. I was not prepared for the overwhelming atrocity that I had to bear during the course of its running time. By the movie's end, I felt that my senses had been pummeled to dust. The plot, if that's what you call it, is this: A grieving girl who has just lost her mother has been framed by her stepfather for murder, and is now imprisoned in a mental institution. A lobotomy awaits her. So, in the meantime, she creates a fantasy world of her own. Within that fantasy world, she creates another fantasy world, That's twice the fantasy. It's kinda like "Inception", only stupid. The girl's fantasy actually belongs to Zack Snyder, writer and director. One of his most popular films is "300", a movie where its heroes wage war wearing nothing but a cape and their underwear, so the enemy could marvel at the sight of their abs, and get distracted. In "**** Punch", five young women charge into battles with their short skirts and high heels. In the fantasy world, the second one, the girls are against kamikaze robot bombers, blazing angry dragons, giant samurais, and, of course, a few hundred steam-powered **** zombies. Movies by Zack Snyder aren't about what's rational or comprehensible. Reaching its truest form in "**** Punch", Snyder makes movies to share with the world, his imagination, which was the vomit I was talking about earlier. Read more here: ******** Punch" ain't no movie. "**** Punch" is an excess of testosterone vomited into a reel of celluloid until it is violently splashed into the faces of its audience. The movie's advertisements are diligent in declaring its promise: "You will be unprepared." They were right. I was not prepared for the overwhelming atrocity that I had to bear during the course of its running time. By the movie's end, I felt that my senses had been pummeled to dust. The plot, if that's what you call it, is this: A grieving girl who has just lost her mother has been framed by her stepfather for murder, and is now imprisoned in a mental institution. A lobotomy awaits her. So, in the meantime, she creates a fantasy world of her own. Within that fantasy world, she creates another fantasy world. That's twice the fantasy. It's kinda like "Inception", only stupid. Read more here: ********/

I'm pretty sure both of us have more important things to do right now than to talk about this bad movie, so let's make this quick. The central character is Jennifer. The woman playing Jennifer is Megan Fox. The entire supporting cast in "Jennifer's Body" includes: 1.) Megan Fox's cleavage 2.) Megan Fox's legs 3.) Megan Fox's ass Read more here: ****/jennifers-body-movie-review/

In September of 2008, we witnessed the collapse of companies, the loss of jobs, and the downfall of the worldwide economy. What we didn

The early 1940's represents tough times. A horrible war is being fought, and Colonel Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) strongly believes that sweet victory will be embraced by the side that places more confidence in men than in weapons. The United States of America needs the best soldiers they can find, and in comes a young man with an unparalleled desire to serve his country. His name is Steve Rogers. He is an asthmatic and weighs less than a hundred pounds. If he

The first minutes of "17 Again" are proud to present a shirtless and sweaty Zac Efron. Now observe yourself. Observe yourself, real hard. How did that first sentence made you feel? Did it excite you? Discouraged you? Made you laugh? Anything? I ask you this because that feeling will most likely stay with you for the rest of the film. Now girls, calm down. I can explain the negative rating. You see, I'm one of the guys. How would you feel if you watched a movie about Vanessa Hudgens with nothing to be about except to remind you that it's starring Vanessa Hudgens? More reviews at: ****/

Bear with me. This shouldn't take long. A long, long time ago, there was a war between the humans and vampires. Those fanged **** happen to be very strong, and mankind was forced to retreat within the protected city of the Church. In come the Priests, a group of specialized warriors who can slay the vampires so fast and easily, they could have arrived before mankind was threatened to extinction. Read more here: ****/priest-movie-review/

So there's this stolen 86-carat diamond stone that has recently gone missing. And you can bet that there are quite a number of people who will risk their life and threaten lives in order to acquire this precious stone once news gets out. Except perhaps for one weird gypsy who just wants a brand new caravan for his mama, but that

Nina Sayers wakes up in the morning and shares the marvelous dream she had with her single mother, Erica. She was on stage, performing the lead role in Tchaikovsky's ballet masterpiece, "Swan Lake." Other hard-working female ballet dancers also dream of this role, and with great reason. To star in an event of this magnitude is not only to share your love for this art. It also provides an opportunity on the grandest scale to finally show the world the passion that you, for so long, spent years to perfect. The ballet company that Nina occupies is starting a new season, and its director, Thomas (Vincent Cassel), is looking for a new star. Nina is eventually chosen, but the preparations will not be easy. She is required to play two characters of opposite nature, the White Swan and the Black Swan. Disciplined, controlled, and performing according to technique, Nina is a candidate who is more than ideal for the White Swan. But she lacks the qualities that are essential to embody the Black Swan, which demands her to follow feelings, and not methods. Read more here: ****/black-swan-movie-review/

"The Mechanic" is an entirely enjoyable action flick if you've only seen three or four other action movies, which is about equivalent to half a Michael Bay film. It considers the expectations of its audience. Guns are shot, stunts are pulled off, and cars are thrashed all over. But the real joy in movie-watching usually comes from the unexpected, which is a fact that this movie is either too lazy or too ignorant to recognize. The film stars Jason Statham as Arthur Bishop. The more movies he makes, the more I question his versatility as an actor. Like many of his past roles, Statham plays a character who is a "professional" at his field. His line of work must be illegal, because it's more fun that way. Would The Transporter's story be as exciting as it is if Statham delivered pizzas instead ... "packages"? Read more here: ****/the-mechanic-movie-review/

[SPOILER ALERT: This review contains spoilers.]

A city without a hero is indeed a bummer, but for the villain, it could be a catastrophe. Why formulate a nifty plot that will overtake the world if no one out there is good enough to challenge it? Where's the fun in building an enormous, vicious, dancing machine if no man of equal awesomeness will stand up to it? Megamind (Will Ferrell) knows this feeling all too well. When he was just a little infant, with skin as blue as an Avatar's and with a head as large as a papaya, Megamind (Brad Pitt) was sent to earth by his parents right before their planet was obliterated by a natural calamity. Just as we humans are about to complain again about the typhoons and global warming in our planet, we see theirs get **** into a black hole. Read more here: ****/megamind-movie-review/

I spent almost two hours of my life waiting in line to buy a ticket for this darn movie. That was a much better experience than watching this darn movie. "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is the worst American movie I have ever seen since I saw "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Like murder and adultery, both movies have no right to exist. For the third straight film, the Autobots and Decepticons are once again on a race for the possession of... something. The Autobots must find it before the Decepticons... or else. Let me ask you something. Does it really matter what they

In the opening subtitles, the audience is reminded of the bloody carnage that concluded the remake of the first "The Hills Have Eyes". It is safe to assume that any evidence regarding the mutant slaughtering that was bestowed upon that poor family was dissolved by the heat of the sun. This is so because, in this sequel, a military group has decided to base somewhere near the same place without much precaution. The subtitles claim that they are "monitoring for undisclosed reasons." I wander as to what the hell they were monitoring in an abandoned desert; the words "undisclosed reasons" are not reassuring enough, especially in a horror movie, but let's move on. To no surprise, these people end up disfigured and discombobulated, while one ends up deep in the toilet with a few cuts so he can die of mass infection. Oh no, these mutants, they have developed their own sense of humor. Read more here: ****/hills-have-eyes-2-review/

I look at the movie's poster and instantly notice a man whose life is dependent upon that thin, almost invisible wire. That man is Philippe Petit, and on August 7, 1974, he was arrested for trespassing. More specifically, he walked, knelt, and danced on a wire he and his friends connected between the Twin Towers. I have a curiosity for extraordinary human feats and a phobia for heights, and the sight of Mr. Petit on that wire was one of the most beautiful and freighting things I have ever seen. I think that it's obvious that he succeeded since you cannot arrest a dead man. We all know that what he did was truly remarkable but what confounds many is his reason in doing it. Before I saw "Man on Wire", I stared at the poster, wondering what type of individual would do this, to risk a life so much that a wrong step could end it. Crazy was the word I thought of that would describe it the best, and then I watched the movie. Read more here: ****/man-on-wire-movie-review/

Christopher Nolan influenced a rare and astonishing phenomenon back in 2008: He united Critics and Fanboys in glorious, peaceful accordance. Few would argue with the notion that "The Dark Knight" is the greatest superhero movie ever made. No other comic book movie even comes close. None. To compare "The Dark Knight" with lesser films like "Thor", or "Captain America", or "The Amazing Spiderman", is like comparing Michael Jordan with Kobe Bryant. Why even bother? But it seems that the overwhelming success of "The Dark Knight" has placed Nolan in an interesting position. His masterpiece left a hungry audience with rising expectations, which is reasonable effect. Wouldn't it be weird to walk in a screening of "The Dark Knight Rises" and expect the second greatest superhero movie ever made? Whether this closing chapter is better than its predecessors is not a major concern. All three Batman movies are exhilarating and memorable, and it can be said that they belong in a league of their own. As an artist who is constantly propelled to challenge our minds, Christopher Nolan adapts the superhero genre but does not conform to its traditions. He constructs a dark and ominous world that,s very close to our own, a world separated from the detached, happy-go-lucky playground occupied by the heroes of "The Avengers". Read more here: ****/dark-knight-rises-review/

Seth Rogen plays an overly talkative, trash-talking man-child by day, and an overly talkative, trash-talking vigilante by night. The man will not shut up.

So this is what you get when you insert the Twilight characters into a children's fairy tale. "Red Riding Hood" is a wannabe horror movie starring dumb and lifeless teenagers who are tremendously drunk with hormones. Alcohol may produce better behaviors. The setting is a medieval village in the woods. A girl named Valerie stands out from the crowd because she wears a bright red cape and because she is played by Amanda Seyfried. Right across her is Peter, the hunky wood chopper. His face appears to be stuck in a state of no emotion. Even when he's really mad, we can't feel a single thing. I think it's a talent. Read more here: ****/red-riding-hood/

What a magical movie this is. "Big Fish" challenges our faith and imagination with tales that sound too marvelous to be true, too extraordinary to be believable. But the strongest emotions are found between the broken relationship of a dying father and his doubtful son. After years of no communication, they are reunited when human age reaches its fragile state. The son sits on a chair as he observes his weak father, who lies in what could be his deathbed. Old Edward Bloom (Albert Finney) is a devoted storyteller who believes that true stories could use a little fiction for entertainment purposes. On the day his only son, Will, was born, he was out of town selling home appliances. Not a very exciting story for such a very momentous event. When Will is set to be married, his father shares with everyone the false account of how he caught a really big fish with his wedding ring the same day Will was born. This draws smiles from his listeners, but not from Will, who has heard the same lie repeatedly throughout his life. He walks away. And he doesn't return until old Edward becomes confined to his bedroom/ Read more here: ****/big-fish/

Siberia. Mongolia. India. What these places have in common in "The Way Back" is the footsteps of a small group of people who have a matchless desire to go home. The latest film by Peter Weir, director of "The Truman Show", follows the extensive and exhausting journey of convicts who are imprisoned not just by guards and fences, but by lands that have been conquered by communism. Escaping the Siberian gulag was the easy part; a 4,000-mile walk awaits them. During this journey, our eyes are treated with some magnificent imagery. The snowy mountains and scorching deserts are exhibited through great cinematography by Russell Boyd. It's weird how these paintings of nature are also what could drive our "Walkers" to death. "The Way Back" causes mixed emotions in its irony that the things that could bring so much pleasure to our eyes are the same things that torment the film's heroes. Read more here: ****/the-way-back/

"Super 8" is a sweet and thoughtful love letter to the art of filmmaking, but its advertisements has cunningly disguised it as a monster-infested thriller. Though elements of a sci-fi movie are found here, "Super 8" shines the most when its settles down for simple storytelling, which has unfortunately become an uncommon service from big-budgeted, modern-day Hollywood. It is summer break for the students of the small town of Lillian, Ohio, and a pack of youngsters set out to make a zombie movie of their own. The director is a brisk and lively Charles, who commands his cast and crew as if he's paying them in return for their cooperation. But Charles' allowance isn't what these kids want. For Cary, he

Only in a film by Adam McKay will you see scenes involving cubicle flute-playing, willful self-stabbing, and testicle drum-rubbing portrayed with such passion. And only a man named Will Ferrell will do all these acts just because he can. The Other Guys succeeds in further extending McKay's and Ferrell's track record for being the most haphazardly ambitious comedians in Hollywood. A quarter pound of illegal drugs needs to be recovered, and twelve million dollars worth of property damage later, they are recovered. No thanks are due to New York City's **** detectives Danson and Highsmith, who are uproariously played by Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson. But they are not what this movie is about. Living beneath, far beneath their shadows are Allen Gamble and Terry Hoitz. Read more here: ****/the-other-guys/

We've been told before to touch not the things that are without fault. Altering that which is already awesome could be a risky act, but repeating it could be even worse, because it shows no diligence and bravery. "The Hangover Part II" resembles its 2009 predecessor so much that it's probably more appropriate to regard it as a remake, than as a sequel. The extent of the similarity between the two "Hangover" movies suggests hungry wallets for its makers. When the script is hurried, the shooting will be also. Paychecks are rewarded earlier, and audiences are left to watch a meaner, dirtier, and more offensive version of the same movie. There is a significant increase in violence, coarse language, and public display of privates. To warn viewers that are more sensitive, I would specify which organs to expect, but the setting of the film is Thailand, and if there's one thing I learned, it's that we can never be sure of what we see. The setting is in Thailand because Stu's fiancÃe, Lauren, is from that country, and her parents wish that the wedding is to be held there. Phil, Alan and Doug join Stu, which later leads to a beer at a beach with Lauren's little brother, Teddy. The next morning they uhm... forget it. You know the drill. Our heroes wake up with a lack of memory and a series of questions, and from this point on we are tasked to listen to conversations we have all heard before. Read more here: ****/the-hangover-part-2-movie-review/

"You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger" is a comedy for cynics and pessimists. For everybody else, it's a tragedy. The prologue of the protagonists exposes them as people pummeled with problems and worries. However, I must say that this isn't a movie about the problems, but the solutions that are stimulated by minds that are stuck in desperation and misery. Read more here: ****/meet-tall-dark-stranger/

Sylvester Stallone. Jason Statham. Jet Li. Mickey Rourke. Terry Crews. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Bruce Willis. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dear reader, though you would be wrong, it is not ignorant of you to assume that what I am about to review is the latest Old Spice commercial. The names mentioned above are, in fact, the entire advertising campaign of "The Expendables." In posters, in trailers, in interviews, that is all you hear mentioned, asked, and promoted. Never before in movie history has there been a bigger opportunity to fabricate the most epic action movie of all time. And never before has there been such a more embarrassing failure to seize such an opportunity. The producers of "The Expendables" may have been so busy casting our action heroes that they ended up forgetting to hire a credible writer and director. But no worries, because good 'ol Stallone himself has volunteered to fill those empty, very essential roles. Read more here: ****/the-expendables-movie-review/

Remember the X-Men movie right before this one? You know, the one about the origins of Wolverine? I don't/ My guess is that Hugh Jackman doesn't either. If he does, I can almost be sure that he's at least trying. "X-Men: First Class", directed by Matthew Vaughn, is a prequel that shows us how the presence of mutants became known to humans, and how they responded to each other's impressions. This can also be identified as a 130-minute apology to "Wolverine." The film's first minutes are located in a nasty **** prison camp. The mother of young Eric is separated from him. He gets angry, and the steel gate between him and his mother seem to respond. (It's moving by itself!) This odd occurrence is immediately noticed by Sebastian Shaw, who later succeeds in forcing the power out of Eric by killing his mother. Once again in anger, Eric causes all sorts of metals to hurl through the air. The wooden chairs sigh in relief. The sequence described above features the finest moments of "X-Men: First Class." It is there where we are introduced to the young man who will one day be famously recognzied as Magneto. Shortly, we recall familiar names such as Charles (Professor X) and Raven (Mystique), but not at first sight. There is a curious connection between the two. They seem to be really close to one another. So close, in fact, that we wonder about the lack of communication between them in the "previous" X-Men movies. Read more here: ****/xmen-class/

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"Everything is Illuminated" is a movie about memories and the things that certain people do with them. Some treasure each memory with zeal and optimism; others spend a lifetime filtering every dark moment with a hope of never having to suffer in remembrance of it. So many things can happen to us, both good and bad, and it's not unusual to occasionally wish that we can control our ability to remember, and forget. Elijah Wood stars as Jonathan, a Jewish-American who is about to travel to Ukraine in search of the woman who saved his grandfather's life during the Second World War. His eyes are magnified by his thick glasses and his hair is cautiously combed, which rightfully matches his black suite. Our first impression of Jonathan is a man who is curious and disciplined. We are even hinted that he has an obsessive-compulsive nature the first time we see a wall in his home almost completely covered with plastic bags containing items that is there to simply remind him. While Jonathan is yet to arrive, we are introduced to a Ukrainian family whose business is to help Jews find the place where their ancestors have perished. This is where the movie suddenly adapts a comedic tone. The eldest son is Alex, who is the film's narrator. His skills in English are lacking in an appealing way. He claims to be a "premium" dancer, and is not very excited to learn that he must accompany his grandfather in "the commencement of a very rigid search." Because Grandfather, the designated driver of the search, claims to be blind, they bring along Sammy Davis Junior Jr. He is the official "seeing eye **** I kinda love these guys. Read more here: ****/everything-is-illuminated/

A single square mile in Boston called Charlestown contains more bank robbers than any other municipality in America/ And it is here where the setting of one of the best films of 2010 takes place. "The Town' is a powerful force that explores thoughts deeper than that of most films about organized thieves. We are introduced to four criminals who are about to empty out an innocent bank. Two of them, Doug and James, are given much attention throughout the movie. The other two are, uh, well I believe there hasn't been a successful heist before in movie history that featured less than four guys. So there you go. Because this is just the opening scene, the cops arrive right after the crooks get away, and in movie rules, theyâ

The movie industry has come up with some truly brilliant villains that shook our emotions and took over our nightmares. And then there's the rest of the pack, which are so laughable youâ

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As the early minutes of the movie unfolded, it seemed to me that its principal premise was assembled by prominent ideas that came before it. When the story reveals to us that young men and women would have to slaughter each other for survivalâ