Vampires of the Velvet Lounge

Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Báthory (1560-1614) was a macabre, eccentric noblewoman believed to have been the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula (1897), an allegedly vampiric being said to have been the most prolific serial killer in history. But did she really die in 1614 as believed, or did she secretly live on in perpetuity, continuing to practice her notorious **** ways throughout the centuries? That’s the question raised in writer-director Adam Sherman’s latest feature outing, an all-out, no-holds-barred campy horror romp that epitomizes the over-the-top nature of grindhouse gore offerings. Set in present-day Savannah, Georgia, the film follows the nefarious vampiric practices of the immortal Elizabeth (Mena Suvari) and her coven of disciples, working out of a back alley absinthe bar where their unsuspecting victims are lured through internet dating websites. There the **** undead wreak havoc on their gullible, hormone-driven targets – both male and female – some of whom travel across the country for trysts with the seductive temptresses. These exploits are told through a highly stylish, uber-sexy, eminently hedonistic narrative accentuated by a vibrant, lavish production design, colorful special effects, a bouncy dance music soundtrack, witty banter, and lots and lots of spattering blood – buckets of it, in fact, wildly shooting through the air in all directions like uncontrolled projectiles on a mission (um, sensitive and squeamish viewers should probably take note). All of these excesses, however, are obviously intended for maximum shock (or is it schlock?) effect, milking the humor value of these relentlessly grotesque images for all they’re worth, especially when it comes to generating hearty groans and hefty laughs. The ante gets further upped here when the story introduces a brooding, cynical vampire hunter (Dichen Lachman) intent on clandestinely tracking down her prey, as well as a trio of clueless middle-aged party boys (Tyrese Gibson, Stephen Dorff, Lochlyn Munro) out for a good time who end up getting more than they bargained for. For all of these innate strengths, however, the script could use some much-needed reining in and significant tightening up in spots as the screenplay regrettably falls victim to meandering, too many unrelated and underdeveloped story threads, and, as the story wears on, oversaturation of some of its purposely gory sight gags. These shortcomings, however, are more than made up for the superb bad girl performances of Suvari and her coterie of tawdry accomplices. The film also sends a less-than-flattering message about the potentially inherent pitfalls associated with internet dating platforms (and what they could lead to), a caution delivered through an offhand but insightful observation made by one of Elizabeth’s cohorts and the use of computer screen montages at the beginning and end of the picture, serving as symbolic cinematic bookends of sorts. In all, though, it’s a shame that the foundation underlying this release’s story doesn’t quite live up to the other fine accent elements present in the film. Had it managed to spin a yarn as effectively as it made it look, this certainly would have made for one helluva deliciously delightful guilty pleasure.