A painfully dull movie with nothing to offer beyond the most base level of entertainment. You can do better with nearly anything else in Disney's catalogue. Only reason it's not a 1 is cause Short King Gabo made me laugh a handful of times.
A captivating if somewhat messy, satirical look at the creative process that engaged me equally as much as it frustrated me; the A and B plots simply didn't come together for me despite relating. Still, everything that works here managed to overwhelm any gripes I had.
So, going into this, I had pretty minimal knowledge on the source material; I hadn't read the book, and had never watched the Spielberg version. For what I watched though, I had a good **** the first two acts! The third act was pretty underwhelming, won't lie, and ended up kinda dropping it some points; the pacing was just real messy and I was pretty uncool with Mister's redemption considering the extent of his actions throughout the movie. With that said the musical numbers were easily the best part of the movie and the acting across the board was pretty good. It's weird to say but it kinda feels like this movie was just a few inches off from being great but missed the mark for me.
Kinda just boring, generic Illumination affair, won't lie. Not PAINFUL per say, but its hardly worth seeking out and definitely won't stick with you. Actively hated that Dad though, he was genuinely obnoxious and his arc flatly didn't work for me. The voice acting is kinda cute, I guess. Don't get why people seemed to like this one so much; it's nothing special.
This movie is so boring, I'm sorry. Like, while I could understand the fans behind the first and second movies, this one is so slow and I don't care about any of the characters and it just feels super lifeless in comparison to the previous films. I watched this with somebody and I literally nearly fell asleep during the movie- no other movie from this year have managed to nearly do this. Especially while having an ACTIVE CONVERSATION!
Yep, that was a Trolls movie- a third one in fact. Actually, y'know what, that's unfair- these films at least deserve some credit where its due. Personally after getting past the whole, "these movies are annoying" phase, I actually felt considerably warmer toward them. They're cute and harmless one-off fun and I don't think its fair to completely decry them just as a result of their jukebox nature. With that said, yeah this movie is still pretty loud and in your face and openly poppy and- IT'S A LOT! Especially if you're not really the intended crowd for these which is anyone under the age of...Small. But like, that's fine! Kids can have their things that adults aren't as interested in and from my own experience being around them, they **** ADORE Trolls. Personally won't be seeking it out again but it was a charming little investment of an hour and a half.
Congrats to Eli Roth; he finally did it! He made a movie I LIKED! Thanksgiving isn't reinventing the wheel; it's got your classic slasher b-movie pulp and camp, along with a good share of borderline insane writing. But what it does right is take what worked from its inspirations and attempt to build its own twist on them; in this case, Scream and other classic whodunnit slashers. Where other similar attempts at replicating the success of these kind of movies fell flat, like "I Know What You Did Last Summer?", Thanksgiving falls back less on meta surprisingly and more on genuinely attempting to craft real suspense and mystery, with real red herrings and a considerable supporting cast that aren't just here to die. Also worth noting is the film's surprising creativity in regards to camera work and sound design; its intensely well-crafted in just about every regard, blowing other similar attempts at pulpy horror this year out of the water in comparison. For those just looking for good kills though, you'll be pleasantly satisfied; the ones on show here are brutal, bloody, and satisfying. Eli Roth has always been a gore hound so he clearly knows what he's doing on that front, and it's nice to see him putting it to use somewhere that doesn't include cannibals or a flesh eating virus. I won't pretend this movie is revolutionary on any level, but its a damn solid slasher flick.
A lot of people gave this movie crap when it first got revealed due to its more lighthearted, kid-friendly, Christmas special aesthetic; if you were one of those people...Grow up! Kids deserve to enjoy superheroes too without needing to watch these massive action **** frankly, they can do better than a lot of them. In this case, Merry Little Batman is unapologetically fun, charming, and cute! The designs are unique takes on these characters, the animation is strongly stylized and consistent throughout, the plot is well-paced and entertaining, and the jokes are simple, though consistently funny. Also of note is how well all the performers do, with the big highlight in my mind belonging to David Hornsby as the Joker. Honestly the only thing wrong with the movie is its fairly by the numbers and a tad too long for its own good, but neither bogged down the experience for me.
Out the gate, just gonna state now: don't take this movie too seriously. It's real dumb and doesn't bother hiding it. I mean, Hell, it's primary plot device surrounds TIME TRAVEL- I doubt that's too much of a surprise. And the movie doesn't really bother spending too much time on the details surrounding it. It's just an excuse to get the plot going and that kinda tells you all you need in terms of the writing on display here. The script is pretty simple and straightforward and...Well, openly stupid. The characters are one-note, more or less broken down to stereotypes to make fun of and little else. Their actors give them enough to make them fun, even if I doubt anyone will care when they die. And frankly the mystery isn't too interesting. Honestly the main thing this script has going for it is a solid, proactive main character and some funny jokes as a result of its generally campy nature. Your general tolerance and enjoyment factor of this movie is gonna rely heavily on your ability to handle slasher movie ****. If you ain't down to go along for this film's ride it'll not only test your patience, but probably actively piss you off, especially since this ain't anything unique- cliches run through its blood. I also won't pretend its a particularly fetching movie visually either. With that said, I had fun with it.
Dream Scenario, to me at least, has one of my favorite premises of the year; Nightmare on Elm Street but based around the most boring man you will ever meet with an aura of dark comedy and designed around tackling the ideas surrounding fame. To me that could be interesting- I dare say that it could be great! And for a lot of people it apparently IS **** not for me. At **** yet. Maybe it'll get there for me, maybe it won't. At the moment, I'm not really sure. I think, in the end, I don't regret watching Dream Scenario. In fact, I think as I let this movie rest with me, I'll maybe come to like it more with time, since if nothing else, I think it will stick with me for a while. Its a real rough watch, but if you can handle it, I think you won't regret it.
Air is very much a "one and done" kind of biopic- the writing is on the wall in terms of what it's intentions are. Nike wanted a self-advertisement that glorifies them as best it can while baiting in the nostalgia hungry 80s kids who somehow haven't gotten their yearly fill from Guardians Volume 3. I'd compare it value-wise to something like Rocketman; competently made from top to bottom, a fine script, an all-star cast, etc. But lacking in any sort of worthwhile depth. Recommending this film to somebody is entirely on whether or not they have any sort of investment in Nike, Michael Jordon, or...I don't know, other billion-dollar brands. If you are for some reason interested in that, good news; they'll enjoy it. Its a very competent movie. I just won't go pretending it's much more.
The way I'd describe The Killer is that its a movie of extremes; it's either gonna work very well for you, or leave you wanting more. I've seen both opinions well in the reviews of this movie and I doubt most will have a substantially different experience. And for me at least, if the number if any indication, it worked. This film feels very methodical in its process- staged beat for beat, subdued in execution, simplistic yet effective. On just about every technical level the movie works- that's probably why you don't see too many of the lower scores for this movie, even among those it didn't work for. All things considered, while understanding why some people aren't fond of it, I can't deny that this movie felt special. I think even if you're under the belief it won't work for you to still give it a shot- it may just surprise you.
Past Lives is about a lot of things. What if's, what was, and what wasn't. It's about life, and how it changes. It's about remembering. And it helped me remember myself. This movie made me think in ways I wasn't expecting. It made reflect upon my own choices in life, the things I regret. But it also made me look at who I am now. This film didn't make me cry; it didn't have to. It did what I needed it to. It helped me remember beyond my own mistakes and instead see what mattered more; the things I wouldn't change for the world. The bonds that mattered to me. The friendships I had and lost and could never forget. The loves that never happened. The family who made me angry yet happy. And so much more. Past Lives is a sincere, genuine movie about the reality behind our choices. It felt human- as if I had met someone in a bar and learned about their own life. And even if I never saw them again, I'd carry those memories with me. And so I'll carry this one.
I actually enjoyed the first SHAZAM movie- I thought, at the time especially, it was a pleasant surprise. And while it has fallen in my rankings over the years for this franchise specifically, I still would call it a solid good time. SHAZAM! Fury of the Gods however is almost entirely made up of the first film's less favorable aspects. Zachary Levi gives a truly bad performance as the titular hero. While Asher Angel's giving it his best as Billy Batson himself, Levi doesn't even bother to play anything except himself, leaving this massive disconnect between this complicated teenager and this raving manchild throwing his weight around like a rookie wrestler. The villains **** too. I mean, I'd far from describe it as total garbage, but its very forgettable, dull nothingness. Its every other superhero movie that has or ever will exist. The writing is on the wall and it looks scribbled by a fourth grader. More than anything, this film's grand, notable positive is that its too simple and underwhelming to be truly offensive, too generic to stick with me, and not bad ENOUGH to even be worth complaining about; nothing about it has enough of anything to upset me so much as just make me wonder if I should have just watched something else.
The single most boring, nothing movie I have ever seen. An action film where nothing happens 90% of the time. A thriller that's far from thrilling. And a script about as shallow as a kiddie pool. I have never so thoroughly felt like a film's gimmick has held it back as hard as Silent Night- it's commitment to zero dialogue hurts it more than it helps. Except endless scenes consisting of awkward silence, insistent eye contact, and manly grunting to take up nearly all your time. The film obviously thinks its much deeper and smarter than it really is; the first HOUR of the movie is literally an extended training montage while the character prepares to take revenge, and the revenge itself is always left feeling underdone. Whenever the movie dares to bless us with SOMETHING happening, it always has to end just as quickly as it began. That's not to say the action itself is awful; while there is far too much cgi blood for my tastes, there is competency on display on account of the fact John Woo is heading this production. Hell, it can be even better seen through some truly stellar camerawork at different points. But that still doesn't make up for the sheer stubborn refusal to do anything interesting with its characters and story.
Ruby Gillman is fine. Its a coming of age animated film with light action and that's about it. Nothing about it is particularly special, notable, or worth seeking out. The animation is kinda pretty if only for its emphasis on fluidity and I can see the idea behind it- this feels like of those Dreamworks shows that was supposed to have a Netflix spin-off series in terms of how things play out (though considering how this film was treated, I doubt that's happening). But like...That's it. I don't really wanna force any discussion on this movie cause I don't think there's a ton TO discuss. If you need something to put on for your kid, this'll do. But you could also show them Turning Red which is borderline the exact same movie and they'll probably have more fun. Either way, nothing too notable or worth talking about here.
Knock at the Cabin is the latest of Shyamalan's output- and that alone probably set off some red flags for folks. While we like to pretend the dude's had a comeback, it feels more apt to say he's just got less obviously terrible; less anything better and more than anything a bit more dull than outright awful. And is this film anything different? Nope! This is a comfortably mediocre film. I'd be lying to you if I said it did much of anything too interesting- I dare even say this film is allergic to doing anything new. With that said, there's a reason to watch this movie- and that's if you want some shockingly strong, emotion driven performances. Straight-up, the ENTIRE cast is giving it their all. Their isn't a single stick in the lot and I genuinely think it makes up so, so much for a lot of this movie's weakest elements from a script perspective. You can do a lot worse with horror, especially this year with real stinkers like Fear out there. Probably won't return to it myself but I can definitely see how this resonated with some- just not me.
Suzume is one of those movies where literally every single aspect of it is good...Except the writing, which is truly totally inconsistent, incoherent nonsense. Which man, if that doesn't describe Makoto Shinkai's entire **** catalogue besides Only Yesterday, I don't know what does. The first half of this movie is actually pretty solid- nothing too remarkable but y'know, it works, its cute. The second you hit the hour mark, the movie dies a sudden, painful death and is just total garbage from that point onward. This film is like going on a date with a pretty person, them seeming nice at first, then the second you turn your back they shank you in your spine and twist the knife. Seriously, EVERY OTHER ASPECT OF THIS MOVIE is **** great- I just hate the writing. I will point out that this movie does apparently speak to people; definitely think this is a cultural difference in that way, and I'm glad it worked for some others, but it didn't for me.
Barbie is super good- but you knew that. Most people knew that. The only ones who don't are the people who this movie was literally never gonna work for, or the ones who just aren't into super campy writing- and y'know, that second one's a fair point. This movie is where out there and goofy and I know that isn't everyone's cup of tea, not even every joke worked for me personally. But like...C'mon. The movie scriptwriting is so smart and well-written with incredibly powerful discussion on subject matter most movies don't like to acknowledge because then they have to take themselves seriously. But even then it manages to be so damn funny and effortlessly to a point where it almost makes me mad. The set design is easily some of the best of the entire year. So are the costumes! And literally everything else here from a production standpoint is basically perfect. But y'know, like I said...This isn't exactly perfect. There are the occasional things that don't fully come together for me. But its a good time. I feel like in an alternate timeline, a Barbie movie would have made me wince- expect the worst possible outcome. But that isn't what happened. Instead we got something smart, likable, powerful, funny, sweet- it's great. And I'm so happy I can say that.
The original Chicken Run, while far from perfect, was always a favorite of mine from my childhood, at least from Dreamworks' catalogue. It was a fun prison break movie that was delightfully British and a good time all around. It also set into motion my love of Aardman's films, and to this day it's remained one of my favorite film companies. So you can imagine when I heard the sequel got announced, it was...A bit conflicting for me, but I didn't decry it immediately. Aardman has done well with long running franchises, even with considerable gaps between releases; I mean, everyone loves Wallace & Gromit! Unfortunately, Dawn of the Nugget wasn't the grand return I was hoping for. It wasn't bad- Hell, I'd still call it good! Aardman's, even at their worst, are still delightfully, likable, and fun, and the movie is arguably their best LOOKING film to date! But the writing itself is far less ambitious and a whole lot more cluttered. There's so many pointless characters in this movie you can straight up remove from the script with zero loss. Also Zachary Levi is a REAL BAD voice actor! Its SUPER noticeable, especially when literally EVERYONE ELSE is doing a good job and yet HE'S one of the leads! But like I said, the movie is gorgeous, the jokes are solid and made me laugh a couple of times, the villains are fun, the story itself as an espionage flick while significantly less engaging at least does have some good ideas. This is a perfectly watchable movie, but GOD I wanted so, so much more!
So when I first heard about this movie, I immediately assumed the worst; an animated movie by Happy Madison sounds like a trainwreck waiting to happen, and watching it sounded even more nightmarish. Yet I...Think I came out this pleasantly surprised? At least enough to where I don't regret watching it, which says a lot for a Netflix original at least. Won't lie, this movie grew on me quite a bit. I liked it, it's sweet. Not perfect but it didn't really need to be. For what it was aiming for and considering its competition (for the month of release especially), I say you could do a lot worse than Leo.
This movie made me cry; when it released, I considered it the best the MCU could possibly offer, and even now its hard for me not to consider it among the best. I know it's not for everyone, but this film meant something for me.
While it pains me to admit...Good on Netflix for saving this one. I've never been so happy that a film managed to make it across the finish line, because Nimona is truly something special. Based on the comic of the same name, Nimona is about a lot of things; systematic corruption, fear mongering, oppression, etc. And not only does it nail its handling of those subjects, it uses them as building blocks to create a truly compelling tale about two people outcasted from a society that, in itself, has become the victim of lies, false tradition, and- GOD, it's so **** good! Beyond that, the animation is both fluid and electric, with the scenes being choreographed in such a way that really managed to keep me constantly invested in everything that's happening. The characters are immediately lovable, with their growing developments between each other feeling not only natural but so interesting. Take my word on this- seek out Nimona. It's very worth your time.
Let's be real, the latest Wimpy Kid movies on Disney+ have been pretty bad. They're compressed as all Hell from the books, have mediocre animation, and on the whole are fairly forgettable, dull movies. With that said, I've never quite HATED them per say- I don't think there's enough there TO hate. And the voice actors always do a fine job. But they're generally nothing especially worth remembering. But y'know what, credit where it's due, their adaptation of Cabin Fever is a legitimate improvement. While still suffering the usual problems, there's some actual heart here this time around. They actually bothered with trying to add something to an adaptation, with the ending especially improving upon the original book by being genuinely sweet. With that said, it's far from anything I'd call good- the flaws are still hefty enough to drag this film down considerably as an adaptation. But improvement is still something worth celebrating, even if I doubt this movie will exactly stick with me.
I had zero expectations going into Theater Camp- this movie would legit just intended to round out my watchalong for the day, I didn't know a THING about it. But **** surprised me. This is the exact movie that hits me where I live as an aspiring film maker; such an authentic, sincere story that made me smile ear to ear. The characters made me live (especially Troy which I DID NOT expect going in), I was so engaged with their personalities and goals. The cinematography takes full advantage of the mockumentary film style. And damn, its funny! I had such a fantastic time. It isn't perfect, but its authentically itself, and I love it so much. I would watch "Joan, Still" on broadway opening night.
So, Power Rangers is one of my favorite franchises...Ever. I mean, the red ranger was my first ever Halloween outfit- this series means a lot to me. Which is why it's admittedly kind of painful to admit that this series has had some real low points. But the fact this so heavily involved the old cast made me hopeful. And I shouldn't have been. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't call this **** this franchise specifically (the rating is definitely on a bell curve for this ranking, I won't pretend otherwise). But nearly everything about it feels painfully underdeveloped. But like...This is still fun; it's Power Rangers! Even at its worst you can feel the vibes of the franchise coming through. I can't pretend this is a great movie- in fact its arguably objectively bad! But it's a movie for long-time fans that might work for you if you're among them. If you're among them, give it a look...Just maybe don't have the highest expectations for the final result.
Cocaine Bear is a b-movie about a bear hyped up on...Well...Cocaine. So it goes mad crazy and starts killing the **** outta people. And it's a fun watch- with friends especially! But it ain't really worth much pretending its anything else. Its a fairly stupid movie- and a pretty **** gory one. It doesn't take itself too seriously and regularly plays most of the violence up for jokes, though admittedly I didn't find it an especially funny movie. All things considered, it's okay. But **** still a dumb, gimmick horror movie, one which doesn't take itself very seriously and has its own share of flaws. You get what you get. But in this case, could be worse.
Talk to Me is uniformly one of the best horror movies I've ever seen. At every turn I was glued to my seat utterly enthralled by everything happening onscreen. Performances across the board are emotionally charged and gripping, the cinematography is inspired, and while arguably telegraphed at points in where the story is going, it never once detracted from my overall experience, and occasionally even built upon it. Thoroughly freaked the **** out of me once or twice, and when it wasn't being scary, it was so interesting I still couldn't look away. The fact that this is the feature debut of the Philippou brothers speaks highly of their talent, and I genuinely cannot wait for whatever they make next. Highly recommend to anyone looking for a strong dose of horror!
I am very, very aware that this movie won't work for everyone. I won't even pretend it has this perfect, mass appeal. But I can't remember the last time I had this much fun watching a movie. Renfield is the horror comedy deconstruction I've been looking for; a twist on Dracula that made me laugh so hard and cheer with glee the entire damn movie. I loved every beautifully shot scene, I adored every character, applauded every fight- I had such a genuine, honest to God blast. I know Renfield is far from a great movie; I'd dare wager this movie straight up won't work for like, a good chunk of people! Like, a third- maybe more! Maybe half the damn world will hate it and I won't even care! I had a good time!
Dogs say ****- know in advance that is like 50% of the jokes in this film. The other 50% are dog jokes. I won't pretend there isn't the OCCASIONAL joke that hits- I mean, you'd HOPE there would be, they're rapid fire and literally your whole cast are comedians, if there aren't at least a couple of good ones, then I wouldn't even know what to say. And to be honest, I'm not even sure if the jokes themselves are funny so much as the timing. But **** know what you're watching- and the movie doesn't pretend to be anything it isn't. It's an irreverent comedy about, again...Dogs saying ****. If you watch this movie, that is what you're gonna get. If that sentence didn't make you laugh out loud, then it isn't for you.
Sisu isn't a particularly innovative or especially memorable movie, but it delivers pretty spectacularly on what it advertises itself on. Its a fairly mindless action film with some pretty brutal gore in some fairly fun set pieces. I do feel the film has a bit too much downtime for its genre, where it tries to deliver a more thoughtful edge to its film making without really committing to doing anything all that unique or inventive, but I'd hardly say the film suffers for it so much as it feels confused. Sisu at many points feels like it wants to be more than what it is, which isn't a BAD thing per say, just not executed the best. Still, if you want a good time where you watch a buncha **** getting killed for kicks, Sisu ain't a bad time at all.
I won't pretend Rye Lane is anything particularly new; its a lot of the usual, expected tropes put on full blast. But for everything you've seen done before, they manage to give them a new twist. Its strangely captivating both through its strong dialogue and gorgeous direction- legit, I'd probably say Rye Lane is among the prettiest films of the year, practically overflowing with style and this infectious, boundless energy. Its kind of like the cinematic equivalent of sour candy- while it can make me pucker up from the occasional cringey joke, it'll just as swiftly made me smile when it inevitably nails the next scene. But the thing that truly helped this movie work for me were its two leads: Jonsson's and Oparah's performances manage to perfectly blend that line between charming, likable, and hilarious. They're so easy to get invested in and root for. While maybe a tad too awkward at parts to make this a frequent rewatch for me, its a genuinely brilliantly made film. Highly recommended.
80 for Brady is an existential nightmare indescribable to any sane men who dare to watch it. These four old women, who carry the incredible ability of pulling men half their age, pull off the herculean task of traveling the country to worship the ground which the man, the myth, the legend, Tom Brady, walks. Watch them commit various crimes to basically cheat the Patriots into a Super Bowl win through the power of cancer as they eat spicy wings with Guy Fieri, advertise erotic fanfiction about Gronkowski, and meet totally real and not at all fictionalized former NFL player Dan O'Callahan. To call this a movie would be harrowing, disrespectful nonsense- this is an experience to behold as you feel your life force drained away by Tom Brady. Truly, we live in a golden time of entertainment.
Five Nights at Freddy’s sure is a movie. Yep. It…It definitely exists. And that actually is merit in itself cause this thing was first announced back in 2015. I knew about this film in middle school. I legit never thought I’d see the day when I could actually watch it, but…Now I have. And it isn’t very good. Not that I expected it to be, even back then. Video game tie-ins are already pretty rough, but horror adaptations are like a whole step above. Though calling this film horror feels like a lie cause it flat-out just isn’t scary. In fact its kinda stupid. Unless you’re a die-hard fan of this franchise I legit think there’s nothing here worth your time, cause I have never seen a movie this entirely dedicated to exclusively fans. The script is rough, the best actor in the movie is the little girl, and everything feels painfully surface level. While I respect this movie fine enough for finally making it over the finish line, and am happy fans got what they wanted out of it, I won’t pretend I get it.
Honestly this film was kind of a pleasant surprise. After The Flash shriveled up and died with zero fanfare, Blue Beetle managed to miraculously kinda work. Its definitely on the generic side, but where it counted it managed to show me some real heart. Especially in terms to its handling of family as a theme- they all end up having a lot of personality and feeling very likable, arguably being just as important to the film as the fight scenes, which themselves worked considerably better than prior films. I won’t pretend its anything groundbreaking, but I’d argue it was worth my time.
Mutant Mayhem is arguably the best turtles film. It takes a lot more human of an approach to the characters, and it seriously helps it stand out- the dialogue here is an absolute treat. Apparently a lot of this film was improvised and I believe it, they really managed to make the team super charismatic, even if they’re not too deep beyond a surface level. The animation itself is also really nice, with a more urban, sketchy vibe that’s enhanced by a funk-heavy soundtrack. Superfly’s also a great villain. Its kinda weird but I don’t actually have a lot to say on this one- I just had a great time. It was everything I wanted out of it and more. So…Yeah. Watch it.
I feel like on the whole, the Blackening managed to do a lot more right than wrong. This film’s funny. Like, not drop-dead hilarious or anything, but it consistently entertained me from beginning to end. And to its credit, when it wants to it actually can take itself fairly seriously. There are some moments of genuine suspense here and they work really well. The cast is great. Everyone feels like they’re bringing their A-game and they really make these characters their own. You really root for them and that matters regardless of the genre. But yeah, its a good time.
I feel like every year, there’s one or two movies that I end up being the odd man out on. Where I just can’t agree with most critics and end up feeling like I watched a completely different movie. And this year…That’s Elemental. Most people either didn’t like this movie, or felt disappointed by it. And I can get why. I’m not gonna pretend the romance isn’t predictable in how it plays out. I also won’t pretend this film doesn’t rely on a lot of contrived moments of melodrama. But man…Its cute. Ember and Wade are likable as protagonists, and even if I knew how it was gonna play out, I still ended up rooting for them. But beyond that, the reason this movie worked so well for me was because of its handling of Ember’s family and their business. Cause man…That **** hit hard for me. The story’s handling of immigration, familial expectations, and this need to put the needs of others ahead of yourself for the sake of living up to the sacrifices they made is beautifully handled and honestly kinda hard carried for the film’s shortcomings. And what little it couldn’t make up for, the animation and worldbuilding managed to. So yeah- Elemental surprised me.
This is what I’d argue as the biggest blunder of the year. The final potshot at anyone still trying to take the DCEU seriously. The Flash is a steaming pile of ****. But you knew that. This film is pretty widely acknowledged as kind of embarrassing. They tried to salvage it- they begged any and every person they knew to tell us it was good. To try and convince us. But we knew better. Can I even say anything on this movie you haven’t heard before? The special effects are terrible. The fight scenes boring as sin with the same feel as smacking action figures together. The characters are either annoying jokes or so painfully underutilized that none of them feel like they matter. Cause they don’t. The story’s so half-assed that every decent idea feels like it was put through multiple blenders on its way out. But like I said, you knew that. This film is a punching bag, and it deserves it.
After Bumblebee managed to pleasantly surprise me, I actually had high hopes for this one. Did it manage to meet those?Ehhhhhh- look, I won’t pretend that movie was perfect or anything, but this still felt like kind of a let-down. Which I guess was an opinion shared by audiences cause man, nobody watched this movie. But like…It’s not bad or anything. Its just sort of…Okay. A perfectly satisfyingly popcorn flick you’ll probably forget about within a day or two.
Look, let’s get it out of the way- this film is gorgeous. Easily one of the most beautiful animated films I have ever seen in my life. The sheer number of different styles on display at all times is unbelievable, and put together really does feel like a moving painting in many ways. I can 100% see all the time and effort that went into it (and the crunch on the poor animators) and it borderline guaranteed this movie a good score on its own. But beyond that, this film still manages to seriously deliver a complex, engaging story between all its characters. They really take their time to establish personal stakes for everyone, and as a result there wasn’t a single moment in this movie I wasn’t invested. It especially nails the villains. Also, its just funny. Like consistently so, I laughed out loud quite a few times. The pacing does drag it down from a perfect score though; every act of the movie feels just a bit too long and especially by the end with how many false endpoints there are it started to wear on my patience. Just as much though, I’m really excited to see how this trilogy ends cause this really impressed me…Even if I think the original is still a bit stronger. That ending hurts, I'm sorry.
MCU’s movies post-Endgame have been…Rough. And I doubt I’m the first person you’re hearing that from. While their output of products have gone up, I feel the quality assurance has kinda gone down- they’re just a lot more…Dull. And forgettable. Cookie cutter even. But in spite of that, I held out hope for Guardians, because I trusted James Gunn to bring it home. And damn did he. In my eyes, legitimately- Guardians of the Galaxy 3 is the best movie of the entire franchise, hands down. And that comes down to one thing- intention. At every moment, Gunn’s voice comes out clearly in the finished product- every shot, every joke, every set, it all feels intentional. Calculated. Important. There’s never any point when I watched this where I felt like he phoned it in- nothing here was forced. And the characters, GOD, the characters- the Guardians became fan favorites because of these movies and man…This felt like such a powerful, cathartic way to end their stories. THEY MADE ME CRY ABOUT THE CGI RACCOON, GUYS! Just, beyond a shadow of the doubt, Guardians 3 was great. It was everything I wanted with a final outing for these characters.
One of my favorite movies of all time, an absolute trip from beginning to end that never for a moment lets up on the hilarious, gorey display it oh so adores splattering across the screen.
Like Scream, Evil Dead is one of my favorite horror franchises. Unlike Scream, I say its a lot easier to defend- ask most people and they’ll probably agree with the notion that these movies are pretty sick. Both in terms of being actually really good, and also just…Actually nausea inducing. Seriously, don’t watch these films if you got a weak stomach- especially this one cause **** man it is BRUTAL at points. The characters are immediately really likable and easy to root for here, which is only gonna make it that much more disturbing as you watch them get torn apart in the most messed up, twisted ways possible. It’s horrible- and I love it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a blast with this one.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie…Is fine. I can see why people liked it, to almost an equal degree I can understand why many didn’t. This film has a lot of the usual trappings Illumination is guilty of- licensed music, shallow storytelling, one-note characters, stunt casting, legitimately terrible pacing, the works. Its very typical of their usual brand and it can really feel like its holding this film back. But credit where it’s due- this film does have some charm, basically all of which I’ll credit to Super Mario as a franchise. This is a genuinely fun movie, especially with a group of friends. I just won’t pretend its anything I find all too memorable myself.
Going into it, while I was certainly excited at the idea of a D&D movie, I was also hesitant. I was genuinely afraid the film would fail to be anything too special. And yet, this film manages to satisfy me. While still prescribing itself many of the usual, expected tropes, D&D manages to shake it up by leaning into a different genre- the heist movie. And man, oh man- does it work. The entire time while watching, I couldn’t help but laugh along as I watched the cast commit to the bit and frequently engage in the exact same shenanigans as parties I’ve DM’d for. But more than that, I was blown away by the equally investing on the fly decision making of those same characters, which always managed to feel organic for me. This whole film, above all else, felt genuine- it felt like a movie made for tabletop fans by people who had played them too.
There are few things harder to sit through than a bad comedy, but I think I've found something a step below- a boring one. On paper, this actually isn't the WORST idea; the House Party movies got their fans and they're generally a good time, so a reboot isn't an awful idea. But in terms of execution, the result's just...Dull. The two leads, while not particularly likable, at least have a very natural kind of charisma. But unfortunately, the jokes themselves just don't hit. The comedy feels very limp- its awkwardly paced and more often than not seems confused about its tone. Add on that the plot (or what little of it) moves at a snail's pace and this movie quickly becomes a slog.
Scream VI, for me at least, nailed what I felt was important for this story and its characters, and while painfully messy when broken down to its bare bones, that doesn’t change the fact I had a good time.
Sick has the usual issues you'd come to expect of a movie of its type- there's long gaps of dead air that find themselves less suspenseful and more drab, the scares can feel fairly telegraphed, and the characters repeatedly make decisions so dumb you'll find yourself screaming at the screen. And yet its main characters, intense chase scenes, and dynamic cinematography managed to keep me from dropping it. It's far from Kevin Williamson's best work with the genre, but its a fine enough addition to his growing ensemble of films about teenagers getting stabbed, even if I think he's already done plenty with the slasher genre already.
