Winstonoboogie

Awful comedy starts (and pretty much ends) with the dubious premise of setting a raunchy, profanity-laden stoner comedy amongst the knights and damsels of the middle ages - kind of like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but with a lot more weed and almost no laughs. Perhaps the writers and director should have set down the bong and slept it off before asking the studio to invest millions in this overlong, under-inspired mess. (Then again, what were the suits at Universal smoking when they green-lighted it?) And while you may be tempted to rent this just for the opportunity to see Natalie Portman briefly in a thong, I must warn you that first you have to sit through the spectacle of seeing Toby Jones WITHOUT the benefit of a thong; that's right, you're going to get mooned by Dobby the House Elf.

LUCY is a film of Kubrickian ambitions, Godardian pretensions, and the kind of mindboggling, over-the-top silliness that could only be brought to the silver screen by the director of THE FIFTH ELEMENT. Scarlett Johansson looks great, and as she has proven in the AVENGERS films she can handle comic book action deftly. Morgan Freeman, however, is stuck in one of the most thankless acting jobs of the year, literally spending the film lecturing the audience, droning on endlessly about the same scientifically dubious premise that was handled in the somewhat more interesting 2011 film LIMITLESS. The film begins and ends with echoes of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, but instead of inspiring awe and wonder, LUCY mostly inspires head-scratches and/or derisive ****. Luc Besson is a talented filmmaker - LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL and LA FEMME NIKITA are terrific - and even his misfires have moments of visually inspired madness. This, unfortunately, is one of his misfires.

The folks at Aardman Productions (Wallace & Gromit; Chicken Run) have done it again with this hilarious, cleverly written, dazzlingly animated Christmas charmer about Santa's two sons - muscle-bound technocrat Steve (Hugh Laurie) and mild-mannered dreamer Arthur (James McAvoy) - and how one of them (the title may give you a clue) saves Christmas for one little girl. This may be one of the most visually thrilling 3-D movies ever made, but even in good old 2-D you'll have fun with the very funny screenplay by Peter Baynham and director Sarah Smith, as well as a fabulous cast of voice actors including standout turns by Jim Broadbent as Santa, Bill Nighy as patriarch Grandsanta, Imelda Staunton as Mrs. Claus, and Ashley Jensen as the plucky elf Bryony, who proves herself useful for far more than just wrapping gifts. This one is a delight for all ages and sure to be a Yuletide favorite for years to come.

Between the exotic birds and the tropical locales, this may literally be the most colorful animated film since FINDING NEMO. It's also a good deal of fun, with a decent script, fun characters, and a tremendously likeable cast of voiceover artists (Anne Hathaway, Jesse Eisenberg, Leslie Mann, George Lopez, and Jamie Foxx, among others.) Particularly great to look at in its original 3D format, but this is sure to become a major family favorite on DVD and Blu-ray.

How many times have you heard this before: a thriller featuring an interesting premise (with a dash of sci-fi), a solid cast (Bradley Cooper, Robert DeNiro, Abbie Cornish), some well-staged action **** an ending that makes you wish it all added up to more than it ultimately does. Still worth watching, but this seemed like it could have been great instead of merely decent.

This one is a bit of an improvement over the previous installment in the Transformers franchise, but truth be told, it would actually have been an even more impressive achievement in some ways if Michael Bay had managed to make a movie that was worse than the execrable Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The 3-D looks great, Frances McDormand is fun in a supporting role, and there's an intriguing subplot that ties the whole series into the real-life Apollo 11 moon landing of 1969. Still, 157 minutes is waaaaaaaay too long for this loud, thudding, overblown nonsense. And as for as the new leading lady, Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whitely: she's pretty (of course) but so incredibly dull and colorless that I actually started to miss the (extremely limited) thespic stylings of Megan Fox.

Cute kids' comedy plays like a more girl-centric version of Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, as plucky young Judy Moody (Jordana Beatty) sees her big plans for summer break go down the drain when her two best friends wind up going out of town for the summer. Things look up when, inspired and aided by her free-spirited Aunt Opal (Heather Graham), Judy comes up with a wacky list of dares and adventures to be undertaken by both her and her faraway friends. Nothing hugely original here, but Beatty (an Australian actress doing a flawless American accent) is appealing, Graham is tremendously sexy and loveable, and in one of the more surprising bits of casting this summer, Jaleel White - yes, I'm talking iconic TV nerd Steve Urkel - is genuinely charming as Judy's teacher. I know the reviews are crummy and the Megacritic scores reflect that, but I'd take this over Mr. Popper's Penguins or (God help me) Transformers: Dark Of The Moon any day.

Not as bad as all that, thanks to a few funny quips voiced by an impressive pack of pros including Glenn Close, Amy Poehler, Joan Cusack, Martin Short, Cheech & Chong (!!!) and the always amusing Patrick Warburton (Puddy from Seinfeld; Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove) as the Big Bad Wolf. Hayden Panettiere tries hard as Red Riding Hood, but lacks the lovable spunk that Anne Hathaway brought to the 2005 original. Unfortunately, the animation looks cheesy and the script lacks the subversive wit and clever story structure of the underrated earlier film. And thanks to all of those Shrek movies, the whole 'hip fairy tale spoof' thing feels pretty played out.

Inoffensive family comedy starring Jim Carrey, Angela Lansbury, and a half dozen really, REALLY cute little penguins. If that isn't enough to scare you off, you may have just stumbled into the right theatre.

When was the last time that the fifth film in ANY series was, far and away, the best of the lot? And not only that, but a prequel? And not only that, but the SECOND prequel, the first one having been a major disappointment? Can you say never? James McAvoy is a fine Professor Xavier and Kevin Bacon a memorable villain, but what makes this one of the best superhero movies of all time is the riveting performance of Michael Fassbender (Inglorious Basterds, Jane Eyre) as Erik Lehnsherr, aka the young villain-to-be Magneto. Fassbender is so commanding and convincing that by the end of the movie you may well be wishing to join him and his fellow mutants in their quest to crush humanity. The special effects are inpressive, the action swift and exciting, the script surprisingly intelligent - but it's Fassbender that will linger in the memory and leave you dying for the next installment.

Poetic as it is probing, illuminating as it is moving, this astonishing Holocaust documentary uses newly found archive footage to show the day-to-day horror, strife, and heroism among the Jews of the Warsaw Ghetto during World War II. And because the footage was intended as the centerpiece of a never-completed **** propaganda 'documentary,' it also shows with damning clarity the filmmakers' original evil intention to contrast the decadent lives of luxury supposedly lived by a handful of affluent Jews (all in ludicrously staged fictional footage) with the desperate and impoverished lives of their fellow citizens. Adding to the film's overwhelming power are the faces and words of survivors as they watch this document of a long-ago but never forgotten part of their lives; long-lost family, friends, and neighbors captured forever on film. Truly extraordinary.

Cheerfully idiotic 3-D nonsense throws so much blood, gore, and nudity into the faces (literally) of the audience that it makes Roger Corman's wonderful 1978 JAWS ripoff of the same title look like MY DINNER WITH ANDRE. In the right frame of mind (preferably a little buzzed) this actually goes down quite enjoyably, especially with a cast full of pros (Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd) leading the way. Oh, and good old Richard Dreyfuss cast in a cameo for pure the nostalgia's sake, still humming a certain tune that will be instantly familiar to all JAWS fans. No pretentions, just good, nasty, R-rated fun.