DanielOnFilm

The Apparition is the worst kind of bad horror movie--the kind that's not good enough to enjoy, but not bad enough to make fun of. It's bland, like over-chewed gum that's long since lost its flavor. It's uninspired, incoherent, and overall inept. The story can't make up its mind who the ghost is, how many ghosts there are, or whether they're ghosts or something else. There's so much babble standing in for dialog about psychic bomb shelters and spectral beacons that confuses the story rather than clarifying it. Greene's performance ranges from swimsuit to naughty nightie. Nothing works in The Apparition. The actors struggle with their roles, the parts are underwritten, the story is underpopulated, scenes go nowhere, the score is synthetic and intrusive, the editing is too busy, and The Apparition has nothing to say. The Apparition does not deserve a theatrical release, but should haunt the $5 bins at Wal-Mart for all eternity.

The intent of Savages is to make a case for the legalization of marijuana. That's all well and good. But ideas should never trump narrative. Similiar to horror films, Savages has one-dimensional characters making moronic decisions because the plot needs them to. The events following the setup require Ben to be naive and Chon to be suicidal. Ben and Chon are guilty of hubris, and O pays the price. But if only there were a reason to care what happens to O. The problem here is that Savages is asking us to care about O because she's in trouble, rather than making us care about her first, and putting her in danger second. The film's third act treats the audience with disdain, twice over. You'll be lied to, and then cheated. Some payoff, eh? Full review on my blog.

While it does have science fiction elements, Safety Not Guaranteed is much more quirky comedy than anything else. It has the warmth, humor and intelligence that make for a good date movie, appealing to both men and women, but without the gushing sentimentality that is typical of mainstream rom-coms. As a guy, this is the kind of date movie I actually like seeing. Full review on my blog.

Madagascar 3 is a mixed bag, but visuals and humor are its strong suits. The CGI is detailed; you can see each of the hairs on Vitaly, a knife throwing circus tiger. The film plays to the 3D format; there is a constant barrage of debris flying at the camera. As far as the film's humor goes, there are sight gags and slapstick comedy, as well as some clever lines here and there. But as a narrative, it's overpopulated with side characters and overstuffed with action scenes and story beats. It rushes through the story, instead of building and developing it, investing us in the characters emotionally. There is too much going on, and we don't care about any of it. Full review on my blog.

The setup is nuts, and I love it. It does go into a slightly different direction than you'd expect, showing a smidge more dopey behavior from the teachers than the kids, and the movie is funnier for it. Every joke hits its mark, and lines are delivered rapid-fire style. I consider myself harsh when it comes to comedy, but High School had me in stitches. Bush and Marquette play off one another, each showing comedic timing in back-and-forth dialog, and they make a good team. I couldn't even recognize Michael Chiklis as the principal, and he has some funny moments himself. The film has a smooth but lively music video feel that should appeal to a young audience, and scenes move along briskly. If you liked Project X, you'll love High School. Full review on my blog.

As a 3D film, it's abysmal. Piranha 3DD was not shot in 3D to begin with, but is another of those post conversion hack jobs. It doesn't help matters that the little fishies are framed in tight close-ups--it's all foreground, when the format needs deep backgrounds; no depth, no 3D. The attacks are never scary, however, Piranha 3DD gets the job done when it goes for parody, especially of Jaws. One of TV's most famous lifeguards makes an extended cameo, and a cast member of the original film gets a funny scene as well. Full review on my blog.

Mighty Fine is padded with subplots. The anti-Semitism arc doesn't peak the way it should, and there's a subplot about Joe's involvement with loan sharks that doesn't resolve. Mighty Fine is painful to look at. Edges are blurry, and colors are dull. It's shot largely in close-ups, and there isn't much coverage. The direction is overall leaden and predictable, and newcomer Qualley, while attractive, is particularly wooden. The script is melodramatic. There is no subtext in Mighty Fine. There is just text. It's in bold, and underlined. A voice-over narration, read by a flat, nasal Garofalo continues well past its welcome. Full review on my blog.

Warriors of the Rainbow is both beautiful, and horrifying. It's shot in rich colors; the tribesman are bathed in blue nights and vibrant red camp fires. Days are spent running through brilliant green forests. Violence is kept out of the frame for the first half of Warriors, but thereafter, depicted on screen. We can clearly see the warriors take the heads of their enemies as a blood sacrifice to their gods. Full review on my blog.

The most I can say for it is that it has enough tension to hold interest, but it never thrills or fascinates. The ending does payoff, but barely. The Raven has just the lighting design it needs; Poe and company are drenched in dramatic shadows. The dialog is filled with clever wordplay, but there's scant investment in those who speak it. The body count rises, but none of the victims receive an iota of development. There is blood, there is gore, but we've seen it all before. Full review on my blog.

The 3D is worthwhile; you get your money's worth for the glasses. The stop motion animation is overall very smooth, and the film is chock full of sight gags and verbal humor. What makes The Pirates on par with Pixar films is that it's just as much fun for adults as it is for kids. The humor is often sly, and may sail over the heads of children, but there's also cartoony sight gags the kids will enjoy. Full review on my blog.

Safe is no thriller. It is, however, convoluted, preposterous, and predictable. There are chase scenes, a couple of gun fights, and occasional fisticuffs--none of which are at all exciting. The fights in Safe are uninspired, messy brawls, done in the modern shaky-cam quick-cut style, which obscures Statham's martial arts prowess. Safe spends 30 minutes setting up a premise that makes no sense, and then does nothing with it. The story of Safe is too complicated, and the characters are too simple. There is no reason to care about what happens to Luke and Mei against two gangs or twenty. Statham delivers one-liners that suggests fun 80's action camp. Safe, however, is not fun. It is dull and tedious. We are told much too early what the code is for; there are no surprises. From then on, Safe is a mechanical exercise, void of any suspense or purpose. Full review on my blog.

The search for Kari's daughter in Woman Thou Art Loosed doesn't relate to exorcising Kari's inner demons. Kari and her husband don't play enough of an active role in finding their daughter; they're just bystanders in their own movie. The lighting design is entirely too bright for a thriller, lacking the proper dark, foreboding atmosphere for a world of duplicitous characters, and the editing calls attention to itself for no reason and to no effect. Full review on my blog.

"Think Like a Man" plays like a big screen version of Seinfeld. However, the dialog lacks the wit and biting sarcasm of the iconic 90's sitcom. There's little going on cinematically, as it's firmly rooted in TV sitcom production style. The film is based on Steve Harvey's non-fiction book, but doesn't dramatize it well. The film lacks economy of characters, having unnecessary, anonymous, redundant characters with nothing to do. Like so many self-help books, "Think Like a Man" offers superficial insights of no real help, glossing over its ideas rather than exploring them. The movie is shameless in plugging the book the film is based on, as the characters chant, "Steve Harvey says.." when Steve Harvey doesn't have anything meaningful to say about love and relationships--and neither does this movie. Full review on my blog.

I've got to admit, the setup works, but the climax is pure deus ex machina. The Lucky One begins with circumstances falling upon Logan, and ends with circumstances exonerating him from the need to do anything about his rival, Keith. This is weak storytelling. At least the cinematography has everything there should be in a date movie; sunrise and sunset shots, carefully placed lens flare in moments of passionate kissing, etc. It's a pretty movie, I'll give it that, but the casting in The Lucky One doesn't work. Efron is all wrong for the role, in any realistic sense. He's got to be the scrawniest, most sensitive marine I've ever seen, and Schilling is lacking in the having "it" category. For a tale of love and lust, The Lucky One comes up half short. Full review on my blog.

Scott's decision, and how the ending plays down to the detail, is obvious from the first ten minutes. The rest of the movie just goes through the motions like so much labor. Every scene goes the way you think it will, and nothing works. The dialog contains such witticisms as, "Nice job Pearson, you dummy!" from one of Scott's teammates, and, "I'm gonna break your neck, Backwater!" from a member of the rival team--"Backwater" being the clever term used by insiders and outsiders alike for the small town of Coldwater. The actors struggle with stage direction; I always felt conscious of the players hitting their marks and delivering their awkward lines; nothing comes off as natural. It doesn't help that the actors, especially Presley, are too old to play high school kids. Full review on my blog.

American Reunion is almost as funny as the original. The humor is fresher, more outrageous than the last two outings, and the comedy is done with real passion. Everyone is back, from major to minor characters. However, American Reunion tries to juggle more balls than it can handle. Kevin's schtick was finished in the original film, and now he feels extraneous. The women of the American series are uniformly forgettable; they're merely objects. There's just no reason to care what happens to half the cast of this film, no sense of purpose like the original film had, or the feeling of a story being told. None of which stops American Reunion from having a lot of laughs, big and small. There are great lines and sight gags for every part and function of the human body. Ultimately, American Reunion is nothing more than a situational comedy, built up of sketches. On that level, the better part of it works. Full review on my blog.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is smarter than your average rom-com, wittier, and has just enough to say to give it some substance. The story is really about the relationship between Jones and Talbot. But what their affair has emotionally, it lacks in physical spark and chemistry for all the fuss. Thus, there is a lot of talk about the fishing project, and a lot of talk about their feelings, making for a rom-com that's light on visuals, heavy on dialog. Full review on my blog.

Like his previous films The Cell and last year's Immortals, Tarsem once again shows a fascination with lavish costume and set design inMirror Mirror, steeped in symbolism. Tarsem reveals a talent for rapid fire dialog and flowing conversational rhythms from his actors. The dialog, witty, modern, and biting, is the film's strong suit. Furthermore, the plot of Mirror Mirror is lean, organic. Every scene has a purpose, not a moment is wasted. One scene triggers another, like falling dominoes in a series of causes and effects, actions and reactions. However, Mirror Mirror's chief problem is--who is it supposed to be for? The story itself is a fairy tail--presumably aimed at children--but Tarsem is as fetishistic as ever in Mirror Mirror, and the film runs deep with female libido. Ultimately, Mirror Mirror defies being either recommended or condemned, but is rather the kind of film that boils down to personal taste. Some adults may find it too simplistic and cartoony, particularly in the bland depiction of Snow White herself, yet others may appreciate it as a kinky, biting satire of fairy tales and fantasy films that subverts traditional gender roles. It's weird, it's whimsical, and it's definitely not for everyone, but it has a unique sense of itself that could earn it cult status. Full review on my blog.

Fans of the original will find continuity between the two films, but also contradictions. The running time is filled with random creatures popping out for no reason other than to showcase CGI effects and lifeless, seen-it-before action set pieces. Wrath of the titans lacks the stunning fight choreography of the similarly plotted Immortals. The action scenes are shot with the camera too close to the action, and with the combatants too close to each other. Since the shots have no depth, the 3D format is wasted. While the drama between the gods is interesting, and is clearly the focus of the film, the humans are like wind-up toys, mechanically marching through a play-set world. Full review on my blog.

This film is bad, laughably bad. I was actually entertained at just how ludicrous and poorly done this potboiler is. This is the kind of film that flashes back to five minutes ago to show what the hero is thinking. It has so little faith in the audience to figure out that maybe, just maybe, the hero is thinking about his wife's attack that it flashes back not once, not twice, but three different times. This film stands in resolute, unwavering defiance in the face of credibility, without seeming to know it. I couldn't recommend it more if you want to watch something really, really terrible. Full review on my blog.

Casa de mi Padre is a loving parody of Mexican "B" movies, and all the movie-making goofs that that entails. There's fake-looking, obvious sets. Horse riding scenes are done with mock-ups, not real animals. Blown takes are kept in. And it's all done on purpose. In one scene, an extra smokes a cigarette--unaware that the camera is rolling and his character should be lying in a sprawl dead. Casa de mi Padre bends over backwards trying to be a bad film, and does it tremendously well. Troll 2 was bad, consciously bad, enjoyably bad--but still bad. But Casa de me Padre stumbles, tumbles, and bumbles so well, it's actually good. It's mistakes are worse, deliberate, avoidable, and far more consistent. It made me laugh so much, tears were streaming down my eyes--it's that funny. If you've never seen a subtitled movie, I can't think of a better place to start. Full review on my blog.

21 Jump Street goes for a lot of laughs, and most of the gags hit their mark. The film satisfies as wish fulfillment; the chance to go to high school and gain acceptance from the in-crowd, and pass all the hard classes to feel smart. There's also an element of schadenfreude watching the once-popular Jenko--who was a jerk to Schmidt--get his comeuppance as he lives as a social outcast, while Schmidt gets much of the glory in their detective work. Where 21 Jump Street stumbles is in its storytelling. A subplot about Jenko's flirty chemistry teacher doesn't pay off because it gets dropped midway through (the conclusion, and footage during the end credits suggest there's more to it). It should also be mentioned that the action sequences aren't exciting, and a fight scene is shot too close in that blasted Shaky-Cam that's making its rounds as of late. However, such considerations are in some ways moot. 21 Jump Street is a class clown of a movie, just trying to get a laugh. Full review on my blog.

The film loses its rhythm when it explores their romances. Jason (Adam Scott) and Julie (Jennifer Westfeldt) have quirky, earnest conversations about sex, life, and death--they talk about choosing between different ways of dying; getting eaten by an alligator vs. a shark, for example. They play off one another like a comedy duo, and this is where the film's chemistry and laughs reside. But once the films shifts direction towards the budding romances of their rival love interests Mary Jane (Megan Fox) and Kurt (Edward Burns), the film fizzles. MJ and Kurt are introduced late in the film, and are types rather than individuals, which generates little tension for us in dual love triangles. While Fox feels more natural in her scenes here than she does in her previous work, she doesn't have enough to do, especially compared with the subtext Westfeldt give herself in her own scenes, where she pretends she's happy that the Jason character has found someone. Furthermore, Friends with Kids has more characters than it can handle (a maid character is introduced and then dropped from the narrative). There's a squabble between an extraneous couple at the film's climax, yet they had so little screen time heretofore that it comes out of the blue. Who are these people and why should we care if they're fighting? Westfeldt doesn't understand that just because the characters know each other doesn't mean that we do

Is it funny? It is amusing, I'll give it that. I smiled out of pure schadenfreude, and I chuckled several times--but did I actually laugh? Well, there is a scene where gardeners spray insecticide on the tree, which has a drug like effect on McCall, who is at a business luncheon. The waiter rattles off a few menu items in French. McCall imitates the funny sounding language, and acts completely out of it, to the shock of the publishers he's meeting for a deal worth millions. There's nothing inherently funny about Murphy on drugs, but in the context of a formal lunch meeting, it works Other than that, there isn't a laugh to be found. Full review on my Blog.

Silent House is a stylish nightmare of a movie, and one of the most terrifying experiences I've had at the cinema. This is the kind of film that will haunt you after you leave the theater. It's a tour de force directorial effort from Chris Kentis and Laura Lau, who previously collaborated on the 2003 thriller Open Water. Elizabeth Olsen as Sarah proves herself in a demanding role to be the next great Scream Queen since Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween. Olsen carries the film on her shoulders, and there is not a moment we do not share her terror. Full review on my blog.

My goodness! Never before have I seen such an affront to common decency and traditional values as in Project X. This so called "film" has no plot, and just shows kids as young as seventeen using foul language, drinking, and smoking pot. At one point, they use some kind of designer drug called "ecstasy." Several teenage girls bare their breasts, and premarital sexual relations are strongly implied. Actually no. My entire reaction to Project X was, "This is lame, man. Really lame." If only this film were an affront to decency. I wish it were offensive. If only it were the slightest bit funny. There's no real story. Once you've seen five minutes of it, you've seen all it has to offer. It isn't half as wild and crazy as it pretends to be. In a movie where racy content is the attraction, there's more implied than shown. The characters are one dimensional at best, and frankly, the actors are uniformly amateurish. Full review on my blog.

[SPOILER ALERT: This review contains spoilers.]

This late February release has the outer shell of The Silence of the Lambs; serial killer abducts a woman, throws her into the ground, and it's up to Clarice Starling (called Jill here) to rescue her before it's too late. But gone are the memorable characters and unforgettable performances, gone are the psychological insights and sexual undercurrent, and gone are the atmosphere of evil and looming menace. At least they got the title right. Jill's methodology holds the film's interest. She knows that people rarely believe her when she tells the truth about the abduction of herself or her sister, so she tells them lies they'll believe instead, whatever sob story it takes to get information out of her mark. She's not a legendary hacker or deductive sleuth; she's a pathological liar in search of the truth. While how it gets there holds interest, the story of Gone arrives at familiar beats; a betrayal as the film goes into the final stretch (from a character we haven't met yet), a high-speed car chase heralds the climax. The film runs on borrowed parts from better films (Silence of the Lambs) and lesser films (Kiss the Girls), and suffers from a lack of invention. Without proper setup, the film does not payoff to what little it builds up to, leaving a feeling of wanting more from 90 minute's investment.