Je l’ai pris lors d’une promo chez le gros porc il y a un bout de temps et hier je ne sais quelle mouche me pique : je décide de lancer l’étron ! Et l’étron, l’infâme étron ne se lance pas ! on est sur PC après tout : sur cette plate-forme, c’est comme au service, on a droit à 5% de pertes. Pas si grave, j’y ai joué sur le Xbox Live Arcade : on se rend très vite compte de la nullité du truc. Lara Crott se met donc à l’indé pour la gamelle et s’avère décidément abonnée à la médiocrité perpétuelle, pour ne pas ire ici la crasse nullité nulle à chier. Des énigmes relous, de l’action simpliste, une jouabilité très limitée et un côté répétitif qui se répète… alors inutile de **** plus avant sur cet ersatz minable, il est temps de tirer la chasse par dessus et de faire comme si nous n’avions rien vu ou joué.

Happy to see Lady Croft brought to life in a different way with an old school twist.

The game kicks off by giving you a history lesson from the overtly and borderline offensively English Lara Croft talking about old relics and typical Tomb Raider type things, this is where you find out about the “Mirror of Smoke” which she has been hunting. This introduction sets you up nicely thinking that you are going to start off trying to find a cool relic with mystical powers; I **** you not as soon as she has finished describing it she starts the very next sentence with “I finally found it!”. What the hell!! Don’t set me up for an adventure and then snatch it away from me, not cool guys!! Along this process of pictures and sound (I refuse to call it a cut scene but I’ll get into that more later) you are introduced to a warlord named Vasco, he snatches the Mirror of Smoke and unleashes all manner of literal hell as an ancient battle that was frozen in time breaks out around the group. It is then you are also introduced to Totec, the other protagonist of this little adventure. I hope this isn’t just me but his voice bugged the hell out of me, not because it was annoying but because it sounds so familiar, it really pissed me off that I couldn’t figure out! Now it’s your time to take control as your thrown into the action and told to use some of Lara’s bombs to solve a simple little puzzle, I’m not too proud to admit that I failed at this as I didn’t pay attention to the instructions and I ended up just jumping around the room until I pulled my head out of my arse and figured out what needed to be done. Remember in the description when it said that the visuals were shown through an “isometric view”? Well, welcome to the real world son! Isometric view is the technical term for birds eye view which essentially means that you spend the gameplay looking down on Lara and Totec like some form of, well, bird I suppose! I don’t normally go for that sort of thing but in this case it actually works out quite nicely and the angles don’t get in the way which is always my biggest gripe with fixed camera angles. The gameplay itself is actually pretty good, its a simple case of move the right analogue stick to aim and pull the right trigger to unleash the sweet kiss of death from the trademark pistols. They may have taken Lara Croft and stripped literally everything Tomb Raider from her but at least they had the dignity to leave her with infinite ammo in the pistols! As this is technically a platform it means that there is a scoring system for each level and so the levels there is glittery **** strewn Lara Croft GOL 6all over the place; sometimes they appear when you break an item or kill an enemy, sometimes there just there for the sake of being there. They aren’t actually mentioned during the game and it is never actually explained what they are but subject to video game law; anything that glistens is important and therefore must be collected immediately! Pretty quickly into the game you are given a chance to play around and experiment with some of the techniques your going to be using a lot through the game, whether they be using the grappling hook to get across large gaps of using your magical golden spear as a stepping stone to reach higher places. Oh and also, you get given a magical golden spear which in all honesty is pretty damned cool! The next mandatory item in the play book of the platform game is collectables; there are a few different collectable in the Guardian of Light world and they are actually serve a purpose as you use them to upgrade your powers and weapons and stuff like that. The storyline itself is a fairly basic one and it’s decent enough but what they have done very well is to break up the gameplay in 2 ways. Firstly, on every level you are given a couple of level specific challenges that allow you to unlock extra relics and power ups. They have also scattered Challenge Tombs in each level, these challenge tombs involve using the skills that you’ve learned along the way and if you get it right not only do you get to survive but you also get a few extra goodies, ya lucky thing you!