pamev

Someone wisely asked "Couldn't Slay the Spire be prettier?" but then someone else returned, "Only if we remove the gameplay."

Hey, just because it gets a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive a little repetitive doesn't mean it's a bad game.

Like biting into a world-class burger to find a patty made of cardboard. This game boasts incredible design and innovation but stalwartly refuses to become fun at any point. If you like figuring things out for yourself and taking on a challenge . . . this game doesn't quite know how to give that to you. If you give up on the challenge and want a more guided experience . . .this game also doesn't know what to offer you. This plays like a game designed for a different subspecies of human.

The gameplay gets repetitive very quickly but the voice work and writing is awful from the very first minute. Less compelling words have never been less convincingly delivered. Honestly, the idea that real, living, adult human beings earned a wage writing the words being spoken in this game is mind-boggling. Still, there's no denying it's pretty. Pretty like a painting which can only be viewed in tandem with the world's worst audiobook. Plus stale gameplay.

If Remnant were a novel, it would have a mildly interesting first sentence which is then copied and pasted for 200 pages. If 'Early Access' were a genre, this would be the prototypical example.

If anyone was paid anything to do any of the voice acting in this game, they were paid far, far too much. Microsoft Sam could give a more moving, human performance. If you're deaf and want to know that you're definitely not missing out, this might be the game for you.

Who would have thought that a 35-year-old game would pair so well with very mediocre music?