Toadiscool

FARTLOUD FOUR – GAME SO SLOW, BLORP SEE TIMEMe Blorp. Me strong. Me **** play game called Fartloud Four.Game say “You find baby.”Me say “Me find sandwich first.”But then… game say NO.Game run like sleepy turtle doing math underwater.GRAPHIC MAGIC? **** have laptop from ancient ruins.Laptop make loud sound like sick **** go “WHOOOOOOO” like small angry jet.Game look like it made of mashed potatoes and crying.Game go: Frame.Frame.Pause.Frame again.Then screen **** goon a lot.GAMEPLAY:Blorp walk down road. See bad guy.Blorp press shoot button.Game freeze.Three seconds later: Blorp dead.Blorp sad. Blorp punch keyboard.Keyboard now scream **** still goon.BUILDING STUFF AT 2 FPS:Blorp try make house.Blorp place wall.Wall appear in 6 **** floating.Another wall? Game **** reboot. Me **** walk backwards into sky.Blorp stare.“Is dis art?”COMBAT IS SLIDESHOW:Blorp fight big green man.Frame 1: Blorp yell.Frame 2: Gun fire.Frame 3: World explode.Frame 4: Blorp in space.Game say “Fatal error.”Blorp say “Fatal sadness.”Me goon. Me lag a ****:Goondog lag too.Sometimes he move fast like thunder.Sometimes he teleport into ocean.Blorp swim after. Ocean not real.Laptop smoke. Blorp **** this what dying feel like?QUESTIONS FROM BLORP’S SOUL:“Why game run like slideshow made of pain?”“Why grass look like green soup?”“Why character face look like melted crayon man?”“Where baby?”“Is baby stuck in frame rate too?”HARDWARE FACTS:Processor? Potato.Graphics card? Rock tied to ****? 4 hamsters running in fear.Blorp use microwave as monitor.When Blorp alt-tab, game crash and microwave cook Hot Pocket.FINAL SCORE: One star for Goondog teleporting. One star for floating cow. Infinite poop stars for lag so bad, Blorp age ten years during loading screen.

Sonic R is like if you took big rigs Over the road racing and combined it with thick of it by Ksi it makes it 10 times peaker this game has a bunch unlockable characters this game is as good as Sonic 06 and big rigs over the road racing makes sense because these games are both peaker the music is very terrible though but it's worth the money I threw at it