TimeOfTheChimps

Halloween (2007): in the first half, the movie introduces some genuinely interesting depth and backstory for a young Michael Myers, elaborating on the various childhood traumas and terrible home life that would fully bring out his already present psychopathic tendencies. Much like Tony Moran in the original, Daeg Faerch is a startling, fantastic contrast between Michael's innocent appearance and the brutality he inflicts; really selling the "blackest eyes, the devil's eyes" tag that Loomis would later give him. By the second half, it fails to follow up on any of that and becomes another one-note slasher lacking any understanding of what made the OG Michael so scary. The same music and the same sets (?) are used to invoke the feel of the original but it's just not that effective, because unlike the movie it's trying to mimic, Michael has almost no presence and very little tension is built up before he dispatches the relatively same-ish teenage cast who you don't give two **** about; unlike 1978 Michael, who displayed a childlike fascination with death and clearly enjoyed toying with his victims, 2007 Michael becomes another mindless horror brute hellbent on maiming everyone between himself and Laurie as horribly as possible. However, there was one part of the second half that was very well done. Dr. Loomis, who's carrying the later scenes on his back, feels like he's come from a different, much better film altogether, and Donald Pleasance would be proud of how incredibly well Michael McDowell has channeled the late actor's mannerisms. The 2007 reimagining of Halloween starts off promising, introducing elements that threaten to derail the mediocre slasher formula the later series is largely known for, but then it throws all of that away and stumbles just like most of the Halloween films before and after it. 5/10.

Though it's a bit too long, and its villain is underdeveloped, No Time to Die has everything you'd expect from a 007 finale and then some: gadgets, quips, world-ending stakes, wild set pieces, and probably most impressive of all: an absolutely gorgeous score underlining every heart-racing moment. A fitting and emotional sendoff for Daniel Craig, I highly highly recommend any Bond enthusiast see it in a theater for maximum emotional impact.

[SPOILER ALERT: This review contains spoilers.]

It's a bunch of decent ideas bolted on to a worse rehash of T2. Okay action movie, and once again there are chase sequences that are purely about how much of the environment the Terminators can destroy with vehicles of mass destruction, ala T2 and T3, which were probably the most enjoyable part of the whole thing. However there's also a twist somewhere in the movie that might not sit well with some, the likes of which would be more fitting in a spinoff comic rather than a direct T2 sequel where it is wholly unwelcome and unwanted. And like Genysis, a lot of things are straight up not explained so they can be saved for a sequel which is no longer happening. On a related note, the actor for the Terminator antagonist is absolutely wonderful and he is legitimately intimidating. However, our beloved hero Sarah is relegated to standing in the shadows and scowling with the occasional scathing one-liner, which is extremely disappointing. To sum it up, Dark Fate is a deeply flawed movie with great action sequences and a fantastic antagonist, but a resounding ehhh when it comes to everything else.

Zootopia, in addition to its amazing animation, hilarious rabbit/fox duo in Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, perfect voice acting, heartbreaking emotion, and stunningly sharp and funny wit, sends a beautiful message about fairness and kindness towards, and equal opportunity for, anyone no matter who they are. In short, it's a modern classic that I recommend for any age group. 10/10.

Though I'm a **** for arcade nostalgia movies (like Wreck-It-Ralph), Pixels tries and spectacularly fails to make something out of a cast of washed-up comedians, creepy/gross humour that will never be funny, poor characterisation, and that Q-Bert joke at the end. I'll pass.

The movie's plot is a good sci-fi fantasy adventure, one that promises that we are building up to something even bigger as the reveal of Tomorrowland draws closer. However, it is disappointing to find out the fictional setting that has been so hyped up all movie is just a boring, lonely utopia that doesn't nearly amount to what the film is making it out to be. Anyway, it is a solid film with great acting, good emotional moments, and eye-popping effects, but all is nearly ruined by the movie's letdown of an ending.

While the third film in the trilogy successfully increases the blood and body count while adding to the strong overall narrative, it stumbles due to a few forgettable characters and the ridiculousness of a voice changer that can replicate anyone's vocal tones.

Scream 4 gets back to the biting humour, the intelligent characters, and the fantastic story, while adding more gore (a close-up ****, a police officer stabbed in the forehead, etc.) and modernising the series without turning away from what made the first two so great.

Scream 2 continues what the original started and perfects it; it's more intelligent, the body count is higher, it has more scares, and the script is packed with more realistically written characters and dialogue. In a world where sequels are often overstuffed, Scream 2 fits all the pieces together just right and delivers much more than just your average sequel.

This had a lot of potential, but it is squandered on overtly stupid characters and not nearly enough time devoted to the anticipated battle between Freddy and Jason. In one particular scene (where Freddy is in the real world), two characters stand there and sloooooowwly watch him move closer and closer, even though they have miles of forest behind them. In another, these same characters watch one guy get horrifically killed by Freddy, but they stand there at his gate screaming, not trying to at least break into his house and help him. Ugh. The final battle between the two killers is the highlight of the film, though, showering plenty of gore and limbs upon the audience, but it takes way too much time to get there and doesn't last long enough. While the gore is disgusting, Freddy is hilarious, and Jason is epic, the film focuses way too much on one-dimensional, boring characters, not a unlike Friday the 13th but uncharacteristic for Nightmare on Elm Street. Not too good. 4/10

From the opening with Drew Barrymore, to the bloody ending where the heroes triumph and the killers' plan very visibly falls apart, Scream is a masterpiece and a true classic from the late Wes Craven. The film succeeds because the characters are fleshed out and feel like real people due to the script and superb acting (everyone is amazing, but Matthew Lilliard's performance is pure gold), the goofy and witty humour ("LIVER alone!"), the nice locales used to bring Woodsboro to life, and Wes Craven's flawless direction. With lots of bloody action and numerous scares, Scream is a must-see for fans of the horror genre.

Both kids and adults will love this, because Kung Fu Panda 3 is an amazing movie. With a wonderful cast (Bryan Cranston Angelina Jolie, Jack Black, and everyone is superb), beautifully animated scenes and amazingly sequenced fights, a villian who's not too serious but manages to make the movie very dark at points, plenty of goofy Panda action, and the superb use of "I'm So Sorry" by Imagine Dragons in said scenes, Kung Fu Panda 3 is the superb black-belt of the animated genre.

In an animated film about a fat, bumbling panda, you'd expect it to be there to entertain the kiddies and that would be that. Oh my, you are so wrong. Kung Fu Panda boasts impressive visuals and animations, an excellent cast lead by the oh so hilarious Jack Black (who really seems like he has a lot of fun with the role), a formulatic but entertaining story, and a threatening but humourous villain in Tai Lung. It's one of my favourite, if not my MOST favourite Dreamworks film. If you haven't seen it by now, you're sorely missing out. While everybody was kung fu fighting, where were you?

Hitman: Agent 47 is nothing more than a dull action-thriller that barely resembles the game it's based off of, with the biggest issues being the loud, rambunctious action scenes which the games aren't very much about, and the two forgettable lead characters who I'm given no real reason to care for. If there is one positive, it's that the actor portraying Agent 47 does an exceptionally good job with the role, though it's not enough to save this headache.

There's nothing really egregious about Phantom Menace (aside from Jar Jar), it's just doesn't have a whole lot going on throughout the story. It does have amazing performances from Ewan McGregor and Co. though, and I'm a fan of the little guy they got to play kid Anakin (he really does give off a very real childlike innocence). The ending fight with Darth Maul gives it bonus points, too. In stark contrast to the later Attack of the Clones, TPM was a pretty decent start for the Prequel Trilogy.

Though some new characters are underused and the plot retreads ANH slightly, The Force Awakens is a great start to this new trilogy due to the excellent acting from Daisy Ridely, John Boyega, Adam Driver, and the rest of the new and original cast, its insane final lightsabre battle, and the excellent practical effects used in place of overused CGI. A-

A colourful, vibrant, brilliantly animated, and exceptionally moving film, Inside Out is one of Pixar's most creative and well-executed efforts in years; this is owing to its fleshed out characters and excellent voice acting from Amy Poehler. Easily the best film of the year. A+

Oh jesus. Dr. Doom is unfrozen and is somehow still alive after he was burned with scorching heat and hit with powerful force fields, which makes no sense. The Silver Surfer unfreezes and restores him because he can stop the fart cloud version of Galactus somehow. Predictably, Doom turns on everyone later, after the government starts to trust him over the Fantastic Four, because apparently no one thought to tell them who was causing the big fight with lightning in the middle of New York in the last movie. Of course, the Silver Surfer is captured and Doom steals his board. Apparently, Von Doom can develop technology to control liquid metal alien boards within a couple of days. Brilliant. Later, Johnny Storm has switched powers with several of the FF team. A ferris wheel is falling, and Johnny of course tries to save them. He does absolutely nothing wrong, but Reed tells him to stop because he's dangerous somehow. What? In another scene, the Four are told to stay in a government monitored room. Johnny asks a soldier outside the door for food while Sue turns invisible and sneaks out. Also, there's a security camera directly at the back of the room that should see Sue doing this, but nope, it doesn't. The same thing happens when the FF escape and talk to the Surfer. The room isn't monitored for plot reasons. The final battle is my favourite in the movie, because it's so unintentionally hilarious. Doom does battle with the Four, and Sue Storm is stabbed and killed when Doom throws a metal pole, conjured from the board, and hits her in the stomach. She dies horribly, but Reed is the only one that seems to care in any capacity, though no tears come out of his eyes whatsoever and his emotion subsides after just two minutes. Also, Johnny is Sue's brother, but when she's killed, he appears apathetic to the whole situation, because he flies after the Surfer and grabs onto his board, enthusiastically yelling "Need a hand?" During this scene, the pole disappears from Sue's body, but she doesn't bleed out in minutes somehow. How convienient. The Surfer later confronts not-Galactus and destroys him, causing Sue to revive even though her wound shouldn't heal because the parts of the city damaged by the board don't fix at all. Great plot, brilliant. Overall, this movie makes no sense whatsoever and manages to be even more awful than the first, against all odds. This should serve as an example how NOT to make a superhero film for every aspiring director. Hopefully, Sony doesn't make anoth-OH GOD. "F4NTASTIC". Why? Please, burn Sony in an acid vat right now.

I've changed my mind about this movie. The more I watch it, the more the flaws become apparent. Though Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone's chemistry is amazing to watch, Peter mopes around for most of the film and even quits saving lives when a certain event happens (which you see coming from a mile away, but it is pretty good). The film's effects and CGI are great, but they f*cked the Green Goblin up in a major way, which is one of my big gripes with this movie. Dane DeHaan is great as the troubled Harry Osborne, but once he transforms into the Goblin... no. His prosthetics look awful and his characterisation becomes weak. Also, Peter doesn't give him his blood to cure him. What? This your best friend, moron. He wants to take the risk, let him live. If you don't, he dies very painful death. Such a selfish character decision. The film also starts many plot threads but never finishes them, such as the subway scene where Peter discovers something about his father that I don't quite remember. The whole scene is really convenient and contrived when you watch it. Peter's father died but somehow had time to film this long video Peter finds. Huh? Rhino is introduced but doesn't do anything but act stupid. He makes some cheesy one-liners and gets caught without it being shown... big whoop. Another complaint: in the final scene, Rhino opens his mechanical suit, with his face completely exposed. The cops have guns but absolutely do not shoot him. Why? Because the plot calls for it. Ugh. One positive aspect about the villains and their plots is that Electro is done quite nicely, very similar to his Ultimate version. Jamie Foxx gives a real sense of emotion and dread to this tragic villain, but surprise, I still have one complaint. Electro initially trusts Spider-Man and is his biggest fan, but one shot of a bullet from someone causes him to turn his back on Spidey for no good reason, even though he did absolutely nothing wrong. Also, only Electro needed to be focused on; that would've been enough to satisfy the villain requirement. Remember Willam Dafoe's Green Goblin? He says hello. Overall, the film has some touching emotion and great action scenes, but the overstuffing of villains and multiple plot threads that lead to nowhere really hurts the film's big effort. You tried, Marc Webb, you really did. Good effort my man.

With a great message about bullying, awesome action sequences and hilarious zombies, a strong Tim Burton feel and tone, realistic and relatable characters, and an innocent yet surprisingly chilling but heartwarming atmosphere, ParaNorman is indeed one of the strongest films of 2012.

The plot is atrociously awful and makes absolutely no sense. These guys have mystical powers based on some cult thing or something, the characters can repair stuff but it makes them old (what?), and that's basically all you know from that point on because the film never bothers to explain anything except through stupid magic scenes. I hardly knew anyone's name until 10 minutes after the halfway point, for crying out loud! The characters make no sense whatsoever. Two of the guys go through some gate and steal a professor's notes, because the professor is stuck on some car crash case which he somehow automatically knows was one of the magic guys. Some scenes are useless or just plain stupid; two "friends" use their powers to race each other but no one else but the viewer notices. One friend turns on the other because he wants his powers because he's some kind of half-a$$ed "chosen one" which the film doesn't bother to mention at all up until this point. Some guy punches another guy in a locker room for absolutely no reason. There's some cheesy fight scene at the end overblown with bad CGI and crappy early 2000s music, then... wait for it... the main character fixes a car window with his magic to end the film. Seriously, that's all that happens. Bad acting, horrible plotting, and nonsensical scenes make this one of my worst watched films of all time. Watch it for a hilariously bad gem... or, rather, don't. You'll save yourself a lot of pain and suffering. Like having the urge to stab a straight razor into your own eye. No, I'm dead serious. It's that bad.

Brilliant. The Gift is full of great acting, tense settings, and has a (thankfully) limited number of jump scares. As a deep introspection into the workings of the human psyche, Joel Edgerton's directorial debut is thrilling, and just when you think it's going one direction, it takes a brilliant 180 degree turn. Way to shift sympathies there at the end, man! Anyway, The Gift's title is eerily accurate: don't hesitate to unwrap this masterpiece that's sitting there, just waiting for you to revel in its glory.

This was almost completely awful, save for a decent action scene towards the end. The casting is off: Mila Kunis seems bored trying to bring life to this dreck, while Channing Tatum is some awful futuristic elf-angel thing. The plot doesn't make sense, either. Jupiter is the "chosen one", but does nothing relatively close to what a saviour should be doing. Instead, she and Tatum fly around and do some random space junk I can hardly remember. Stay away from this junk as if your life depends on it, and don't feed any more of the Wachowskis' awful garbage.

[SPOILER ALERT: This review contains spoilers.]

The Goonies still holds up on re-watches even after all these years. With excellent acting and a plot that's truly heartwarming and amazing, in true Spielberg fashion, how could I rate this anything lower than a 10?

This film brings Beavis and Butt-Head to the big screen in a hilariously fantastic film full of everything you'd expect from the TV series. I recommend it, but I must warn you: It's certainly not for kids.

Atrociously awful. Full of useless filler dialogue, illogical situations and solutions (urinating on lava wouldn't put it out THAT quickly), and a plot so full of holes that it makes termites jealous, Secret of the Tomb spectacularly fails on almost every level. The only reason I'm giving this a 1 is because of the Mickey Rooney/Robin Williams tribute at the end of the film. 1/10, F.

These filmmakers have to understand that pop-culture gags and parodies just don't work without anything else supporting them, particularly a cohesive plot and actual humour. This films lacks both to a disastrous effect.

Though there are still blunders with the script and the pacing, I can't complain because Revenge of The Sith definitely got the general outline of Anakin Skywalker's downfall just right, and set the tone for Star Wars: The Clone Wars, the series that gave the prequel story the justice that it so desperately needed. The first thirty minutes or so are similar in structure to the last two movies, but then things get good. REALLY good. The Palpatine/Skywalker story was nailed, and the ending duel between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader is among some the best fight scenes in cinema history. Overall, the film falters in similar aspects to its predecessors, but makes up for it with a strong final half full of intense scenes with one of the strongest characters, Palpatine, and the Mustafar battle. 7/10.

This is THE best animated film based on a TV series. It's everything Spongebob fans could hope for, with wild, zany animation, delightfully cheery voice acting, hilariously disturbing scenes (i.e. Patrick's melting face), and and a wild plot that actually works and builds suspense towards the end, which is rare for animated films. Every character is perfectly characterised; Plankton is evil (even more so in this film, which makes it even better), Patrick is the lovable oaf as characterised in the early seasons, Spongebob is naive and an animated hero who is so fun here that you actually root for him, etc. The film's emotional scene towards the end is probably one of the best scenes in the film, and one in which the theme is made perfectly clear: Even if you're seen in a negative light by others, you can still do wonders when you commit yourself to achieving a goal. The song by Ween called "Ocean Man" is a perfect fit for the ending credits; it always fills you with a sense of joy when it starts playing. The Spongebob Squarepants Movie is the perfect ending to the pre-movie episodes, which is what I consider to be the real series. Everything after is a bad fan-fiction. 10/10.

X-Men: Days of Future Past is a terrific example of how a superhero movie SHOULD be made. From its terrific dialogue to its amazingly charismatic cast members, DOFP is one of the very best comic book movies ever created.

This movie is an abomination, pure and simple. From the dirty references (The scene with the Cat, and the mom's picture anyone?), to the trashing of the original plot, it's obvious this project was doomed from the start.

This was the most defining moment in Marvel movie history. The action scenes between the Goblin and Spidey are unmatched even today, 12 years after its release. Spider-Man is an epic superhero film with terrific acting and amazing fight sequences; it's a real treat to big time Spider-Man fanatics, like myself. 10/10.

Words cannot describe my love of this film. Boasting an entertaining story and unbelievably realistic animation, Happy Feet qualifies as one of the most entertaining animated films I've ever had the pleasure of watching. It's a very heartfelt movie with a theme that blends quite nicely with the amazing story and memorable characters. I would give this film a 20, but unfortunately, the rating only goes up to 10.

What went wrong? Why did they choose to make a music video about Marie's dresses? This movie takes "****" to a whole new level. It is glossed over, and doesn't even show the reality of Marie's life during that time period. It does not show how she was given very little power over her people, and how every single problem was blamed on her. In this film, she is probably blamed for ripping a dress instead. Kirsten Dunst is terrible in the role of Marie Antoinette, as she is with every role. This movie makes me want Dunst's character guillotined, but sadly, it doesn't show it happen. Avoid this Kirsten Dunst mishap like your life depends on it.

Very poor. Ben Grimm looks very sorry, looking like hardened Play-Doh instead of rock. Susan Storm (Jessica Alba) is here for the looks only, serving no real purpose to the story. The only good characters (heroes) in this story are Johnny Storm (insanely funny and awesome) and Reed Richards. The only two good characters come from good casting, while the others are misfires. Whoever was responsible for casting Ben Grimm and Sue Storm needs to have their eyeballs shoved into their nasal cavity.

Terrible. Whoever thought that making up a new Catwoman story that doesn't have the actual character in it should have their hands put in a toaster. Yes, I am serious, because it is that stupid and horrendous.

Excellent. A major achievement and turning point in the history of animation. The conflict between Woody and Buzz makes me laugh every time I watch Toy Story. Hanks and Allen nail their roles; no one could have even come close to the chemistry these two have. 10/10

This series has finally managed to terminate itself. Why the casting directors chose Christian Bale, I will never understand. He's basically Bruce Wayne in a post-apocalyptic world, somewhere he doesn't belong. The plot is too long and drawn out, with way too many explosions and not enough Arnold. The only redeeming quality about this film is the performance from Sam Worthington, which is the only thing about this flick "worth" watching. He is the reason why this movie recieves a 4, because everything else is a rotten sandwich in a dirty toilet.

A powerful ending to one of the most beloved franchises in movie history. Superb acting, powerful tone-throttling music, and a variety of special effects make this a gem for everyone to see.

An excellent tribute to games that have passed, Ralph features an outstanding voice cast, amazing visuals, and hilarious video game references that will make anyone smile.

This movie is so stupid. It makes me want to put my face in a blender and pour citric acid into my eyes. Thanks for a parody, Twentieth! Now step it up and make a real Stooges film.