SHANKROID

So-called comedy starring Bill Murray who's too old. He's a weather reporter who has a big chip on his shoulder and isn't at all happy about having to report on a groundhog that can tell the weather. But he manages to get thru the day without any major upset. That's where the movie should end. Could've been a 10/10. But the writers must have run out of ideas and then pretty much told the same story again and again. It's pretty much a scratched record of a movie. But the writers must have run out of ideas and then pretty much told the same story again and again. It's pretty much a scratched record of a movie. But the writers must have run out of ideas and then pretty much told the same story again and again. It's pretty much a scratched record of a movie. You see where I'm going...

I don't believe I've ever laughed so hard at a movie as I did at The Dukes Of Hazzard. Do the math... the guy from Jackass, the guy from American Pies and Burt Reynolds (no stranger to car movie shenanigans remember. See The Cannonball Run) all in a movie version of the classic tv show. How are the Duke boys gonna get one over the local sherrif while avoiding the distractions of a cool deep south car and their sexy cousin?? This is one laugh after another. And another. Even another. If this was one of the episodes of the show that inspired it, it'd be the best episode of it easy.

This is the IDEAL flick for people who are bored of watching Robert De Niro Charles Grodin's scrotummy old faces every Christmas when Midnight Run is on the telly. That was well overdue a remake and the Hollywood guys have delivered in spades. There's a bit of a twist this time tho. The bounty is on a girl and the bounty hunter is her ex boyfriend. You can understand how awkward it's gonna be when they're cuffed together for the duration of the film. Comedy actors Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston positively sizzle throughout... on-screen and off. That's method acting.

What a flick Battleships is. They said a movie of a board game could never be done but Battleships proved them wrong. And strictly speaking, you don't really use a board in the game. The game itself is just a heap of guessing and stuff, but the movie ups the game and adds an alien invasion that you really don't see coming. This has Rihanna the pop singer. Bit of a boy's haircut in this but boy can she act. And Liam Neeson. YES, THAT Liam Neeson. From Taken 2. Brilliant A-list stars. And they're not even the main people in it. That's how crazy this movie is.

If there was ever a movie that WASN'T what it said on the tin, this is it. It kicks off with yer man from My Left Foot, here with a funny hat and beard for whatever reason, sitting about drinking tea and telling stories. This goes on for quite a bit. Dunno what he was saying. I don't think the other characters were even listening. Half an hour in and still no sign of the vampires, so I fast forwarded a bit (don't ask me how I did this in the cinema). Watched another scene. Tommy Lee Jones out of off of US Marshals pops up with a silly wig. Still no action. Fast forwarded again and the end credits were rolling. Maybe I skipped past the vampire scenes. And this is supposed to win Oscars? Pfft...

Ah, classic Batman, before they went and made him all moody and miserable. This is a GREAT movie. You gotta wonder why they didn't keep George Clooney in the role. At least he would've added a bit of humour to the role. Some people said this was rubbish cos the bat suit had nipples. Eh... makes sense. Humans have nipples people. And sometimes they protrude thru clothes. Do any of you even watch Baywatch?? Best villain ever alert. IT'S F**KING ARNIE!!! He's a baddie for the first time since The Terminator here. Always more believable as a villain. For those pining for a bit of Bane... he's also in this! And he gets killed so it's the new one that looks dumb as he's magically brought back to life. They did the same with Joker, Two Face, Cat woman. This is the real deal folks. Accept no substitutes.

Ok, so this is the famous Tarantino masterpiece everyone is talking about. Ok, for starters, I thought the scene selection thing on my dvd was on random mode. People were dead in one scene then all of a sudden alive in the next. It didn't make sense and I was so confused I was a little sick in my stomach. Also, the movie was very racist, with Tarantino's script using the nasty word as much as he could. One of them even gets bummed. Everyone in this seems hell bent on using drugs, violence, racism of fatty fast food to get by. This may be how life was depicted in 1994 but it's a whole nother story in 2013. Get with the times, people...

Movie 43... what can I say? I have NO IDEA why this is getting such bad reviews. Obviously the reviewers didn't see who stars in it. Em, Wolverine?? He's in the Oscars for next week. Kate Winslet. She's in loads of good movies. Uma Thurman anyone?? She Killed Bill. TWICE!! Anyway, not only are all these amazing stars in it, they also have a good laugh at themselves. I don't see any reviewers doing that. It might be about poos, wees and spunk but who doesn't love that?? The mind boggles. See this amazing movie. See it twice. No, see it 43 times!! I can't wait to see it.