Playing as the most Athletic Scottish man, trying to escape John Carpenter's "The Thing" while your wife complains about everything you do. Truly just another day as a Scottish man.
This review takes place after beating the game after Patch 6 launched. I've spent 30 minutes trying to write a genuine review for this game, Im just going say the one thing I wish I could do is experience how this game ends all over again for the first time. People say the endings are horrible but thats because of how the game was at launch. They've patched in an interesting epilogue that helps close chapters with your companions you've traveled with throughout the game. I highly recommend you to play this game, and it might be easy to just rush through the game just to finish it, but I suggest you to take your time and complete all your companions quests, and when you're doing a quest for a companion, BRING THEM ALONG to do the quest with you. Thats about it.
Also Karlach is my big muscle mommy who protects me, a tiny bard, from the BBEG.
The fact that Ethan is the only canonical character in Resident Evil to **** makes him the best character in the series. This entire game could have been avoided if Chris just talked with Ethan.
If they remake this game for PC, and it's been confirmed it's getting a remake on PC. The very next day, I will shove a Lady Maria figure up my ass, live on Twitter.
The fact that EA had to create a necromorph for their series makes me chuckle. During a time when remakes were garbage unless it was a remake by CAPCOM, this game had me questioning EA's motives for recreating one of the all-time classics. I'm here to say that this remake leaves my pants full of cream. The fact this is almost a 1 to 1 recreation, without messing up Isaac's personality and his dialogue shows how much the developers of this game care about Dead Space.
Being introduced to the series later in my life, I have never seen a man fondle my balls and then recognize that I wasn't one of his discord kittens. The fact they introduced gay characters before Overwatch was being made into porn shows how Kojima was ahead of his time with his ghostwriter on the games. The gameplay is also just meh. Fun but not as fun as the original Metal Gear Solid.
This game has done the impossible. It took a beloved series and butchered it and sodomized it. They took out skills and made perks worse versions of themselves. But I love Todd, and the gameplay is better than the other fallouts. So I'll give it a pass.
The dev stole my money, But I got make whoopie to big shark mommy after she deadlift me up into the air. Overall, I would spend money on this game, but not more than $15.
I normally don't like visual novel games, however this is a classic game with an interactive cutscene that really makes me feel like I'm making an impact on the story. However the cutscene does make me a little wet but not in my pants.... In my eyes.
