Rich_Moore

I've seen this film many times - watched it again last night. This is a film which received some of the WORST reviews ever. Al Pacino wasn't nearly as bad as dumb critics say and the entire production was rather handsome (directed by Hugh Hudson). Nastassja Kinski co-starred. She was acceptable, though probably somewhat miscast. Still, she sufficed in her role as a young rebel whom goes against her American family who has taken the side of the British (a peculiar and quite distasteful [at least for an American] plot element). When 'Tom Dobb' (Pacino) and his son get conscripted by the American army - or more likely, Annie Lennox (the same) - the fight for them begins, especially when Tom's stupid son joins the military just because he wanted to "beat the drum" that the army happened to be doing at the moment on a city street corner in New York. Later, Tom replies to his son's inquiries about what to do next, "We'll go back to New York". Well, they're in New York. They were headed to New York on their boat in the beginning of the film, even though Tom seemed surprised that New York was "going crazy". Didn't he surmise that it would be like that? I mean, how long was he away? The film continues with Tom and son fighting the British, partly led by Don Sutherland (with a gigantic and unsightly mole on his face, apparently to show how 'evil' he is). By the way, The British are once again drawn to be horrible human beings (the way Hollywood always likes to draw them). There are several digressions from the main plot, like when Tom is recruited to participate in a mock 'foxhunt'. Meanwhile, Tom's son is captured and taken on a trip "north" (it's always 'north') to play a drum for the British.' 'Daisy' (Kinski) always happens to be around when some key event takes place. She sees the boy get "tooken" and somehow finds Tom to let him know. At this point, Tom steals a boat, paddles up river somewhere (there's NO ONE around, of course) and he amazingly finds his son tied to a wooden post in the rain, suffering from an earlier beating which ruined the boy's feet.. Tom rescues the boy and off they go up into the boat to escape. Indians destroy the boat and see Tom and son above on a cliff. Why Tom carried his son up to a cliff is puzzling.... he could have wet his boy's feet right by the boat. Anyway, other Indians (friendly this time) join up with Tom and fix the boy. Six months later Tom et al come down from the hills to join the fight. Tom meets Daisy (again) and the plot continues. More fighting, more plot endurance, plus a scene in a battle where, for some reason, Sutherland leaves the fight to run down to the beach (supposedly to kill an enemy "spotter"). Tom and son follow him down there and surprise Sutherland (and HIS son) with a sniper attack. This is a watershed moment in the film - the final scene with Sutherland - and Tom and son begin to make distance from the British and the war itself (so that the film can finally end). Tom's boy meets a nice Jewish girl and marries her. Tom's fondness for Nastassja grows, but he has yet to find out what happened to her. Is she alive? Is she dead? Does anyone care at this point?

4 city dudes play he-man for a weekend only to be ruined by a motley duo of hill people.

I like Jan. She's hot. In one episode of the show, she's on her bike and I got to see her panties.... though I wish she wasn't wearing any at all >:)

Rambo stops catching snakes so he can take a young girl to war-torn Burma where HE KNOWS she'll be violated. Nice guy.

Dumbo gets another chance to kill hundreds of guys when Trautman re-recruits Dumbolina to do one more mission.

This has been hailed as one of the worst films in cinematic history. Maybe so, but director Eddie Wood made this movie in earnest and that's something to respect him for. Plus this flick has a timeless charm about it. Aliens land on earth to try and take over so they can have a place to inhabit since their own planet is beginning to lose its natural resources. Earthlings are not particularly impressed with this prospect. Forces join together to thwart these evil dudes. Can they do it? Hello? Is everybody asleep out there already? Well, I guess I understand. After all, this is a 1959 release in black-n-white. What could one find interesting here? Maybe the cardboard headstones. Maybe the paper plate flying saucers. How about the shaggy carpet masquerading as the ground in a cemetery. Or the ice-skating costumes the aliens are wearing? Personally, I love it all. You know, at the end of Ed's films, he always posted, "Made in Hollywood, U.S.A.". He was there, right in the middle of it, as I have been for the last...... well, a lot of years. I wouldn't trade my life for anybody else's. I've loved being in Hollywood and Malibu and Studio City and Beverly Hills and everywhere else I've lived in the L.A. basin. Eddy Wood understood that. I've met one of his troupe of actors, Conrad Brooks. A nice man. Conrad liked Ed and was fortunate to work with him. I would have loved to work with him at least once. My films have been very lucrative and I've worked with some really cool people. People whom I consider to be my good friends. I enjoy Ed Wood's reputation. I respect it and I enjoy his movies, especially 'Plan 9', 'Revenge of the Dead', and others. Bela Lugosi was in Plan 9 (at least for awhile). He died during filming. Ed conscripted his wife's chiropractor (Tom Mason) to take over for Bela, even though Mason was taller and thinner than Lugosi -- and blonde! Oh well, whatever. That just adds to the film's legendary status as one of the truly terrible movies ever cranked out of Hollywood. Some movies are probably worse than this one, like 'Robot Monster' directed by Philip Tucker. Or how about 'The Giant Claw' directed by Fred Sears. You've got to admit that these films are fun, if not lavishly made. If you're laughing at all, then it cannot be the worst film. A candidate for worst film would make us twinge and fidget, probably accompanied by a latent anger that we have to sit through something which is so bad, it's making us mad. So now what? We've established that Wood's flicks basically reek, at least critically. But what about that charm thing, the charm element? You know, they simply don't make them like this anymore. When they stopped allowing independent directors to make a movie and release it, we lost a very romantic part of the American movie-making culture. Well, things change. Human beings don't really respond very well to change. This is a film which will not change within itself. The aliens want to enhance their supply of a special chemical element they possess. In fact, they must really relish it because it is pronounced three different ways throughout the film as "solaranite", "solarmanite", and "solarite". Boy, they better get some more of that stuff and fast before they forget what it's called all together. Will the humans help them? Not willingly. How about unwillingly? Yes, yes. That's the plan. The aliens will inhabit the bodies of all our dead on earth. Those FIENDS! They will take advantage of our cemeteries. They will use us to meet their horrible deeds (I've always chuckled at the aliens' motives). This they will vow! To defeat us by zombifying our dead to use as aggressive subjects who will help them overthrow our varied republics. This is the plot, this is the movie, this is the fantastical element which will send this film into infamy as 'the worst film ever'?! Wow. I thought y'all were gonna say that this film would be forever remembered as an all-time classic. But it is! It IS considered an all-time classic, and therein lies the dichotomy. This movie is remembered because it is BAD, not because it's good. But what's wrong with that? I think I wouldn't mind if I made a film and it got remembered because it reeked rather than because people thought highly of it. So what? Sounds like one of those irreverent clubs that a person is proud to belong to, kind of like the Brat Pack. People make fun of it, but it is a very unique club with just a few members. I am one of the Brat Pack, I'm just not as famous as some of the others. That's fine. I don't cling to the Brat Pack, but I'm not ashamed of it either, like some of them are. Why would they dislike that club and why would Eddie Wood dislike being associated with below-the-line film-makers? Well, you know what? He wasn't ashamed, in fact, I don't think he even cared about that. He did his thing, something he loved, and he's remembered for it. Lucky Eddie after all. How's that for a paradox? Thank you Edward D. Wood, Jr. for your contributions.

Marty Sheen doesn't exactly exude toughness, but here he is in this crap featuring Marlon Brando as a big fat pig.

The better film of this title is "HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS", an adult film starring porn actor RICH MOORE.

Tom Snooze-- I mean, Crooze STILL cannot act. He looks more mentally challenged all the time.

This was a good anthology on the porn industry of which I am a proud part. I am Rich Moore, a veteran porn actor, and I found this film interesting, though I prefer the hardcore stuff myself. Recommended.

Burt BadActor (Lancaster) still cannot act with that dippy New Yawk accent and his inability to look authentic in any role EVER.

For whatever reason, Rambo has been digging a labyrinth of tunnels under his father's ranch. This guy needs therapy.

Stinks. The movie tries to be exciting while mongoloid Stallone tries to 'act'. It isn't and he can't.

Stupid teens go on a pleasure ride on the ocean only to be threatened by a big freaking shark. Will they survive?! Who cares?

OK, this is at least half-good. There's the shark the size of a Russian battleship swimming around Amity Island, better known as Idiotsville. When some swimmers get chewed up like a dog's old wax bone, the authorities must go to town, so to speak. First they set traps and post signs as if the shark can read - "Oops. No swimming here. I guess I better go north to Boston for some human flesh." When everything fails, including the mayor's balls, the chief of police, a shark expert, and the township's leading fisherman/drunk head out to sea, see? They are planning on hooking the maniac shark and bringing him in unless they can kill him on the spot which is better so no more swimmers will end up in the shark's digestive procedure and then get crapped out into the surf or the local moat at the base of the dinner place on the edge of Amity's shore. By the way, Brody is Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss is the little shark nerd, and Bob Shaw is the smelly fisherman with a chip on his shoulder. These motley shmoes will be our heroes if the shark doesn't eat them like a hero sandwich. Ellen is Brody's wife who is hiding while all of Amity is out on the water dropping chum markers and fishing for shark like they fish for trout. What bozos these goofs are. Did they not see the movie? Don't they know that they need a big giant boat so they can hold their own. And speaking of holding their own, they are so stupid, Brody et al, that they neglected to bring even one chick! What's up with that? I'd have stashed a couple of stowaway girls for some after-galley fun. You know, eat, drink, and do Mary. The other woman would be named Martha as in old maid. It seems weird that this story had not gone public on the local cape station news. Maybe it could be broadcast from Francis Shoal. Where the hell is Francis Shoal? Oops, too far forward --- that's "Jaws 2". I'll get to that little fiasco later. Anyway, the shark must be thinking, "These people are lame!". No wonder he staked a claim around here. He knows that everybody who lives in Amity year round has no life. But they're nice. Amity, as you know, means 'friendship'. Out at sea, Quint (Shaw) is the second person to see the shark after Brody after the chief suggests that they may need a bigger boat. Hooper (that's Dreyfuss) is having a great time taking pictures of the beast as if he's hoping to win first prize at Amity's annual Dip Award. He will probably win, then he can visit Brody at his home and bring 2 bottles of wine, one red and one white because he won't know what Ellen is serving.... you know, fish or chicken, or fish or red meat..... whatever. No one ever talks about the fact that there may be MORE than one shark out there. That's just too much. Let's not get panicky. For now, we will all be content to see the three blind morons out on the Orca (Quint's ship). He'll bring so much crap on board that it's a modern day miracle that the vessel doesn't sink before it's even out of the harbor. That's not even including all the garbage Hooper is storing somewhere - all that anti-shark cage stuff. And what is Brody bringing? Don't forget your rubbers, chief! Goodbye, Ellen. And don't let the kids play on the swing-set. Martin (Brody) hasn't fixed that yet. Eventually, 3 big yellow barrels are attached to the shark by way of rope. Will this stop the shark? What do you think? We still have about an hour left of movie junk, so you can imagine that the shenanigans on the boat will linger for a time while the shark gets real comfortable and used to these waters. Quint has his rifle, Hooper has his encyclopedias, and Brody has his nose cream so he doesn't get sunburned. The music, by the way, is super. John Williams did the music, and Verna Fields did the editing, but remember that Spielberg directed and he will get final say on what makes it to the final cut and what won't. Long story short (I know, it's probably too late for that), Brody will try to shoot the shark in the face. Of course, this is after Hooper disappears under the sea and Quint gets to be the blue plate special when the shark decides to have lunch a little early today. The real nemesis here is the competition between Brody and Hooper (at least in the book). One of them will have to win Ellen while the other goes to the adult theater, pulls down his pants, and has a good time watching the dirty flicks. They both avoid it. I know because I was in there and I didn't see either one of them. Not when they're dressed like a dude. Now Dreyfuss could put on a dress and maybe a wig and half the losers in Amity could go to town with this little twerp. Smash cut to the end.... Brody nails the shark, Hooper pops up out of nowhere, and our heroes paddle back to shore using a couple of those barrels. The stink has got to be enough to make both dudes wretch. It is and they don't. Good for them! Fish Stew for dinner tonight. And maybe a beer or salt water. Watch at your own risk. It's boring and not one chick shows her boobs!!!!!!

A musical Scrooge? Gimmee a break. This flick reeked. Who wants to hear Al Finney sing? Stick with the classics; file this one under 'Crap'.

Dumbbell is at it again, this time with the Afghans. Trautman gets captured. Dumbo-- I mean, Rambo must save him.

What's up with this? Dorothy is a numbskull. She wants out of Kansas, but she never gets the idea to go to downtown Topeka at midnight, down the street from the x-rated magazine store, and get picked up. The little tramp is kinda cute. If she puts on a tiny mini-dress, she could make some good money. But noooo! Snort a few lines, trip out, and hallucinate about munchkins, witches, and talking animals. Wow.

Would have been good movie if that idiot captain dumped Maria for the hot governess (Eleanor Parker).

OK re-telling of the famed TV show. I love Jan, especially when she doesn't wear panties.