Gotta Protectors is a top notch, retro-throwback (yet unusually unique) game that can probably be summed up as stage-based 8-bit Diablo. Just to get this out of the way, I'd say this game is a solid 15 hours of absolute fun. Nearly every level's fun to play, and you'll want to complete all of them. That being said, I don't have any inclination to go back and replay the game again though, so take that for what you will. The basic objective is to clear each map of enemies while making sure your princess is kept alive. The maps are relatively different from one to another, ranging from wide open areas with choke-points, to long corridors, to mazes, to... well, there's not really too many re-occurring themes in terms of map design. They're all pretty different from one to another. You've got a basic attack, which is different from one class to another (EG: The Archer shots arrows while the Fighter has a melee area-of-effect attack), as well as a special attack. I used the Old Guy a lot, because his special attack was a ranged homing missile that added an absolutely necessary bit of utility to a unit who's somewhat slow and melee-based. There's this RPG element where you can upgrade your abilities (like regeneration, more damage, more armour, etc.) with dropped junk from enemies. There are 100 levels, and while the first few don't seem that hard, the difficulty ramps up pretty well. Around level 60, you'll start feeling the effects and have to start really thinking about your strategy. It's exceptionally satisfying to barrel through countless enemies, aim for and destroy their spawn point, and then make your way back to the princess to heal yourself and make sure she's not close to being attacked. One very unique element this game has that I haven't seen before is this importance of proximity to the princess: As you move further from her, your abilities get weaker, you move slower, and your basic attack gets downgraded. You have to either spend your earned gold on upgrading yourself so your abilities are just inertly better when they downgrade, or you move the princess with you as you're killing all the enemies. It introduces this very unique strategy dilemma that I haven't seen in any game. My one complaint is the writing and character design. Most of the characters are one-dimensional (EG: Archer is the smart, strategic, "tired of everyone's **** kind; the Mage loves food; the Old Guy is senile, etc.) and the humour is very self-referential. This was funny in the beginning, but I got tired of it pretty quickly. That being said, I know it's a kind of humour that some people love (particularly those who'd appreciate a game with a retro art-design). A good comparison would be any web-comics that revolve around video game logic or concepts. They tend to have this "look at how absurd the video game logic is when placed side-by-side with reality... let's do it anyway! (queue laugh track)" So if you like self-referential video game humour as well as mowing down countless goons, you'll probably love this game. If you think you'll get sick of the humour, give it a try anyway, because even when I got sick of it, the gameplay itself sold the rest of the game for me.
Finally! A game about Ancient Iberian theology! I knew that doctorate wouldn't go to waste! I spent many years studying the polytheistic religions of Southern Europe, and really found my calling when I began studying the lesser-known religions of the Iberian Peninsula (Modern day Spain/Portugal). "But I've never heard of this!" you're asking. Why, that's exactly why I began my research! This almost completely unknown religion did not have an important impact on the creation of modern-day society (unlike some of the more "Hollywood" religions, like Greek and Egyptian), and thus, has become almost entirely forgotten. So when I heard about this game, I didn't think it was possible: Could this game about a Nickelodeon show starring teenagers really be talking about IJ-Oin, the goddess of fertility? And my final deduction was: yes! They nailed every aspect of her character down perfectly, right down to the seventeen breasts. This was a real breath of fresh air, especially considering the source material, and it really made me feel like my life hasn't been a complete waste of time. While I still don't understand what "The Click" means (in reference to IJ-Oin), I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. My only complaint is the representation of Spen-Sere, god of creation. While I am have no connection to the ancient religion, I don't think anyone would like it if their creator-god was a bumbling bafoon, never mind a mortal. While i haven't been told about this game by the people I spoke to (and who were still practicing the religion), I guess I should be angry on their behalf. Either way, if you're a fan of Ancient Iberian Polytheism, this is the game for you!
It's really funny to say "it's the worst Fire Emblem game (probably)" when the game's really functional, and decently fun. I don't think I need to retell you the plot or facts about this game. They're pretty standard, and you could just search Wikipedia for a synopsis on it. And that's just it: The game's really standard. It's good, it works, it plays well, and it's a bit difficult at times. But as a Fire Emblem game, you could find any other English one and enjoy it a lot more. What's missing in it is exactly what should be missing in the first Fire Emblem game: interesting characters, and a memorable plot. I guess as an aside for you, the reader: This was the first Fire Emblem I ever played. I got into the series because I am a massive Advance Wars fan, and found a copy of this for cheap. I fell in love with the game, but then started playing others and quickly discovered how good the Fire Emblem series can actually be. The characters seemed bland and uninteresting, known more-so as, "that really awesome horse archer guy!" rather than "that guy with a really interesting backstory" or something. Marth doesn't really get much in terms of character progression, and I can't think of one person who actually had a personality. Don't get me wrong: you'll get attached to characters, but it'll be for functional reasons than character reasons. Sedgar and Wolf are generally known as really good units in the game, despite not following the 'pre-promotes can't be good' rule (following in Shinon's footsteps). However, excluding the end credits and death scene, they do not talk and do not interact with anybody. Say what you will about Virion from Awakening, at least he had a personality (albeit trash, bottom-tier personality). The plot's functional, but it's not particularly unique. You travel from point to point, fighting enemies. There's a bit of a cutscene explaining why you're here and who you're fighting, but not much else. It's almost feels like the developers made a whole bunch of levels, and then strung them together with the cutscenes and increasing enemy difficulty. You do get the reclass your units for free, allowing to change up how a certain character works, but Lastly, if you were introduced to Fire Emblem through Awakening, do note that units permanently die, so get ready to either lose some of your best units, or restart levels a bunch of times. In conclusion, if you like Fire Emblem, you'll probably enjoy this, because it's scientifically Fire Emblem in its purest form. However, if you're looking for a better Fire Emblem than one you've played before, steer clear.
Clean, functional, understandable, yet a bit basic. If you're a veteran Strategy player, you'll find Halo War 2 to be a little simpler than the average Strategy game, but it has found a way to work on the Xbox One. The game might wear me down a bit after a few more hours, but I'm enjoying it for the time being.
Awesome! Many people consider hunting games to be for the 'manly-man', but this game was perfect for the average woman, like myself! Can't wait for the sequel, Eurasian Expedition!
I absolutely loved this game! I feel like many of these reviews don't truly analyze the internal monologues between Donkey and Shrek. This game has layers, such as that of an onion, and like an onion, if you bite into it, you'll have a bad time. But if you take each layer, sauté it in the juices of 20th century romanticism, and enjoy it with a fine glass of Plato's Allegory of 'the cave', you'll emerge an enlightened human. With mild themes of Apartheid, sexuality, and gender roles WELL before it's time, Shrek: Extra Large will not only entertain you, but enlighten you.
F-Zero GP Legend is a solid racing game, especially on the Gameboy Advance, but there are far too many issues that keep it from being a perfect game. Each machine has different stats: Body (the amount of damage it can take), Boost (how fast the machine goes when you boost), and Grip (how well the machine turns). Each machine is supposed to have a balanced build (EG: If it has a strong Body and good Boost, it has poor Grip), so there's not one notably rigged machine. However, in this game, Grip is the only stat that really matters. There is almost no racetrack where having a strong boost really makes a big difference, but more than half of them have hairpin turns that, unless your Grip is rank A, you're going to be constantly bumping into walls and hazards (and off the track, depending on the stage). Never choose a machine with Grip rank B or worse, or heaven forbid, rank E. The second problem is the story. There are eight story paths you could take that follow different F-Zero characters (like Captain Falcon, Zoda, Jody Summers, etc.) Each of them have five races and cutscenes, explaining what they're doing and the conflicts they face (and their resolution). Compared to F-Zero X and older, this sounds awesome! The F-Zero universe has all these well-illustrated characters that feel like they need a story to flesh out their character arc. But not only do you get the stories of only about ten of the characters, but each of them is so poorly written and have no development in the grand scheme of things. Example: You're introduced to a character named Zoda, who's this weird-looking criminal that apparently died 150 years ago in an accident with another character, Rick Wheeler. This is explained in Rick's story, where he's working for the police force, still hunting him down trying to figure out why both of them are still alive. This is a really cool concept, but what happens in the story? You chase Zoda down, he's replaced with another character (that has no dialogue), you have to save someone else, and then you get a "to be continued" kind of dialogue. Do you get an explanation in Zoda's story? Not a chance! This Story Mode had so much promise, but when you go nowhere with it, it's just a frustrating experience.
Beautifully awful game that is an accurate representation of people suffering from Acromegaly. Loses (or gains?) a few points for the fact that you can infinitely powerslide, but not infinitely reverse. So it has that over Big Rigs, I guess.
An amazing game that definitely needed a proofreader. There are many instances (including the title), where 'very' is spelled with a 'B' and an extra 'r'. However, this may be because of a poor translation from Russian. 10/10, but loses many points for this.
You'll never be feeling the Mondays when you're playing this game! Join our friends, Garfeld, Bob, and Anubis in a great adventure that'll have you saying, "Meow!" The only complaint I have about this is is that they couldn't resurrect Lorenzo Music to play Garfuld's voice, despite the clear Egyptian mythology overtones. Either way, an instant classic!
The video game industry has recently felt like it's at a low point. Games are constantly being rushed out of development, requiring day-one patches and review embargoes to save dying developing and publishing teams from going belly-up, or resort to cutting half the content of the game and selling the rest as Downloadable Content. Fan entitlement is at an all-time high, creating unimaginable hype for games that would've otherwise been acceptably good games in the past, deemed bad because it didn't live up to its hype. Reviewer integrity is under threat, so much so that customers are beginning to only trust customer reviews rather than reviewer reviews. Even the customer review system is being abused by people who'd give a game a 10/10 "to offset the 0's" and 0/10's "to offset the 10's". So among all of this sludge, it's nice to see a game developing team that's transparent about delays and issues and sees that if you take care in your work and don't do it just for the money, you can make something to be proud of and still come home a bit richer (as of mid 2015, it nearly doubled its budget in profit). When people'll discuss whether video games could be considered an art form, this game will be front line and centre as an example. CD Projekt Red found a way to create the perfect storm of RPG elements, combat, and story and character development. Every character, no matter how insignificant, is given a backstory. Every side quest is given full dialogue. Every main quest delves not only into the backstory of our main characters, but even the people you didn't know about prior. The dialogue flows naturally, creating a level of immersion you get from watching an episode of Game of Thrones. In fact, if CD Projekt Red simply made Witcher 3 into a TV show and just used the cutscenes from the game, it'd be one of the most popular shows on now. And when you least expect it, they throw in an awesomely addicting card game that's simple to play, but a fair challenge to get a good deck. What else is there to say? If you haven't gotten it yet, go on GOG and pick it up, most likely on sale. $80 is well worth the price of this game. Hell, if it cost $150, it'd still be worth it.
Do you know what it looks like when someone's self-aware of how bad their game is? Say the game is great in the title! Honestly, this is an atrocity of the worst kind. Besides the hilariously awful Player Select (where every time you move your cursor over a save, the kid says, "I'll save here", so if you flail your remote wildly, all you hear is, I'll-I-I'll-I'll s-I'll sa-I'll-I-I'll save" etc.), there isn't anything that's noteworthy. Everything's so bland and uninteresting. Just another shovelware Wii game meant to cash in on the motion controls.
It's going to be the best game ever in five years. This game's poor reception is due to a promise of something more than just 'another sandbox'. It's a great sandbox for the first few hours, but once you've discovered the next sandbox is the same as the last sandbox you were just in except for a different colour of sand, you don't feel like going sand-mining again. What I and everyone else believed it to be was the next big thing. Halo and Half-Life 2 were the next big things, changing the way how we saw FPS's. GTA 3 revolutionized the idea of what a sandbox could be. I thought No Man's Sky would change what games could be. It has the space to do that, but it currently has nothing other than the foundation dug out. That's why I say in five years, this game will be one of the best ever. The developers have so much to work on, but if they follow through on their promise to provide free (or at least frequent) updates, it will turn out to be amazing.
With how the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game's been progressing in terms of complexity, sometimes you just want to get back to a simpler time. This is probably the best Yu-Gi-Oh! game for that purpose. This game is a massive time sink if you hope to 'beat' it, considering you have to beat every opponent of a tier five times to get to the next tier. Losses not included, that's at least 30 games. While this isn't an issue in terms of get more Duel Points and buying new cards, it can be if you find an opponent with a deck that's notably difficult to deal with. You don't want to waste your time dueling someone you've already beaten five times, but you might need to get more duel points to buy better cards. One minute gripe I have is that I've gotten sick of the imperial organ music by about the tier three opponents. It's not too obnoxious or anything, but I found the survival-duel music to be significantly more catchy and upbeat. It's really unfortunate that such nice music got moved to a challenge mode, one that, depending on how well you did, may start you with the 'low life' music. I guess there's no reason to complain about music from a nine year old Yu-Gi-Oh! game, but here we are. Overall though, every deck you face is uniquely different (give or take a few decks), and as long as you like to card game, you'll enjoy this game. If you're looking for a DS Yu-Gi-Oh! game and are a beginner, buy/download Sprit Caller. The decks are a lot easier to beat at the beginning, and there's an infinite DP cheat.
Seriously, CD Projekt Red could take all the cutscenes from Witcher 3 and turn it into a top-rated TV show. Never have I ever been more immersed and interested in a story in a video game! My review comes from the perspective of someone who hasn't played the game, but has watched someone play through the whole main story of Blood and Wine. I have little knowledge of Geralt and his past, or of the Witcher universe. With that in mind, the script writing, character animation, and voice acting are spectacular, and encouraged me to buy the game! Every conversation feels like an actual conversation between people rather than robots. Each side quest, no matter how insignificant, has layers of depth to it. For example, one quest, called 'Big Game Hunter', has you escorting and protecting a count while he takes pictures of creatures in nature. You learn later that he's doing this because his daughter used to love seeing creatures in nature, but is unable because of an injury. In something as insignificant as escorting a rich guy around, you get to see the heart and soul of a person. You get to understand the count, his family, and even his bodyguards. In most RPG's, quest-giving NPC's could easily be replaced with notice boards. In conclusion, the hype is real: The Witcher 3 and all of its DLC is well worth their critical praise. CD Projekt Red has made a piece of video game art, and I am not sure how someone may be able to surpass them in their achievement.
The title says it all: iCarly! It's been 5 years since I picked this up, and I've gotta tell you, I love being Carly! Me and my best bud Sam started our own blog (and Freddie, can't forget that prankster!), and wow, the Internet sure is a funky place! My brother Spencer told me that if life gives you lemons, you sacrifice the lemons to the sugar demons to gain eternal life, but I chose a different, more effective path! I've found the blood of the guilty tastes much sweeter, especially if you saw them commit the crime. That way, the sugar demon's understand the lengths you've taken to remove your prior predispositions of mortality. Soon, I will become the chosen child. Overall, this game is a life changer! Pick it up (if you can find a copy!).
This game deceived me with the cover when I first got it, because this is NOT a game about the simple one-player card game. Solitaire Overload is a story about a fur trader during the colonial times who gets attacked by a bear and left for dead in the US wilderness during the winter. Bruised, bleeding, and broken, the trader now has to travel from the shallow grave he was left in (literally!) to the fort where his company is stationed and get revenge on the man who killed his son. This game should receive some kind of award for it's beautiful narrative, epic scenery, and attention to detail. Despite the NDS's graphical limitations, it feels like you're actually crawling through one of the US's beautiful forests. If this sounds like the plot to Alejandro González Iñárritu's movie, The Revenant, then you're just as insightful as I was when I watched it in theatres! DO NOT BE FOOLED! Solitaire Overload came out a solid 8 years before The Revenant appeared on cinema screens! I do appreciate that the movie is a great representation of what transpired in this game, so watching the struggles this game puts you through in movie-form is satisfying. If you liked The Revenant and want to play a game like it, this is for you!
A prequel to the Super Nintendo classic D-Force, G-Force is a wonderful adaptation of Shakespeare's "The Tempest". A beautiful mix of narrative, character development, and gameplay, G-Force makes you question not only your characters state of mind, but your own. I have never been blown away by such a beautiful game. I highly recommend picking this game up (if you can find a copy!)
My only complaint is that Cory did leave the house near the end. This game is almost perfect, but that scene broke the immersion for me. I hope they fix that in the sequel.
By far, the best Advance Wars game in the series. Dual Strike added a great array of interesting weapons, new Commanding Officers, improved and fixed older CO's, added the Dual Strike feature, a great campaign, the new modes Survival and Combat (real-time fighting), an improved (and not superfluously challenging) AI, and ranks so it felt like you were working towards something. Days of Ruin may be technically more sound and fair, but Dual Strike is significantly more fun.
Rare knew what they were doing between 1996 and 2001. Never have I played a more uniquely satisfying, acceptably challenging, "it's your fault you messed up" kind of game. This is one of few games I frequently go back to on the Nintendo 64 that doesn't feel outdated. I can't think of another destruction puzzle game as good as this. If you're a Nintendo 64 collector, get this game ASAP. You won't regret it.
In many ways, this game reminds me of the bane of my gaming existence, Goldeneye: Rogue Agent for DS. It's: - Based off a popular shooter - Control is mainly stylus-based - A massive disappointment The DS stylus is a good piece of hardware. But it's not for action games like this. If you're looking for an awesome sequel to the MechAssault series, this isn't it.
This is a game which does an excellent job in creating a Mad Max world. The characters are as perfectly selfish, twisted, and damaged as they were in Fury Road. I love that your main companion, Chumbucket, is not normal. He is a deformed maniacal religious zealot, and his only allegiance to you is your car. If he was someone just as sane as Max is (if you'd call him that), it'd feel out of place. Max's main goal is entirely selfish and your objectives are exactly what one would do in a post-apocalyptic world: scratching ones back as they scratch yours. Car combat is as excellent and enjoyable as one would think car combat should be. I wouldn't be surprised if Warner Bros. Interactive made a Twisted Metal variant using this same engine. Overall gameplay is enjoyable, but gets a bit tiring after a couple hours. This may sound like a complaint, but it's actually not a bad thing. It makes it so you don't binge and play for eight hours straight. So in short, this is a very good game, even at $60.
