MattCipolla926

Oh, A24 Films, why did you do this to us? You pamper us with amazing and unique movies like Locke, Spring Breakers, Enemy, and Under the Skin, and then you give us this? Not only is this movie unoriginal and lazy, being derivative of The Human Centipede (which if that’s your starting off point, then you’re already kind of screwed), but it’s also tonally inconsistent and boring. It starts out okay and has some kind of funny jabs at the Internet, and Justin Long is good (until he’s mutilated to no end) and the other members of the cast are okay. However, it’s so all over the place that it seems like Kevin Smith only did this movie because people on the Internet told him to. There’s nothing interesting happening, you don’t care what happens, and once you get past the 40-minute mark, it has such a jarring drop-off from being just okay to being awful, and from that point its only purpose is to be progressively more obnoxious, unfunny, disgusting, mean-spirited, and incoherent. Ironically, the wacky “let’s do crazy stuff and then almost say how dumb it is” aspect is counterintuitive and makes the humor come off as cold and further adds to the tonal inconsistencies. The characters are archetypes and don’t really do anything interesting. The script is all over the place and only has enough material to fill 22 minutes, but the final results drags on for 102 minutes. The direction is lazy and annoying; there’s a scene that should honestly last for literally 30 seconds, but it instead goes on for five whole minutes just so they can fill time and say that they have Johnny Depp in their movie, who also does nothing and is totally wasted. There’s even a part where they cut back to a scene from earlier in the film and it isn’t even the exact same scene. It’s edited differently and has different sound mixing, and the result is slightly anachronistic. The jokes about Canada work once and that’s within the first five minutes or so, and then they keep milking it over and over and over. This honestly began as a joke on Smith’s podcast, and you can totally tell because the filmmakers have no idea what the hell they’re doing or where they’re going. They have stopped caring, which is even further evident in the schlock (and shock) value, despite the fact that it’ll make you want to leave the theater. They show the big visual reveal (this isn’t a spoiler because it’s be basis of the movie) which is Justin Long mutilated into a crudely-stitched walrus, and that’s all that the movie is building up to, and then it won’t end. They’re running on empty fuel. #WalrusYes should be been #WalrusHellNo, and we can only hope that the potential spin-off of this hot-ass mess doesn’t happen, because this one wasn’t funny, nor was it scary. 3.8/10, really bad, two thumbs down, far below average, etc.

Oh my God. I was always excited for this film, but this is just above and beyond what I could have imagined. This film is not for everyone because it's so incredibly arthouse, but I honestly think that if people talked about the film, they'd see it in a new light. Virtually nothing here is meant to be taken literally; it's extremely symbolic. It's an allegorical trip that is haunting, intriguing, sublime, gorgeous, sad, different, strange, human, spellbinding, unforgettable, and masterful, utilizing all of these qualities that convey what it means to be a human. What is also is about, though, is reveling in the questions and finding answers. The cinematography is immaculate and the sound design is incredible. The score is mesmerizing and perfectly complements the visuals and tone of the film, with its strings and screechy sounds crossing into the realm of being sound effects at some points, and that's great because like the film, it brings together all senses and experiences into one odd package. Scarlett Johansson is intoxicating, doing so much with so little dialogue. She uses her eyes and facial expressions and callousness-turned-fake-charm so well, and you forget that you're watching an actress work because it's so immersive and shockingly realistic. I can see why some people would dislike this film because it is very alienating (no pun intended) and probably as far from mainstream as you can get, but it's also so engrossing. This is a film that gives no explanations and doesn't really have much of a setup that leads into a conflict that sets the movie into action in a traditional sense. It works wonderfully because the movie itself feeds off of our abilities - as humans - to interpret emotions and read other individuals. The movie even seems to be watching you back at times. Jonathan Glazer demonstrates that he has such a huge talent but also a great deal of discipline in order to make everything work. In the hands of another director, everything would have crumbled into pieces, but because it's so well-made, he makes connections between humanity and sexuality, objectification and death, and, to a certain extent, gender roles. The ending (without spoiling anything) both satisfies and leaves ample room for interpretation, and is very affecting. There is a good amount of emotion to this film, and it's just so commendable that a film like this could be so human and realistic. I can definitely see the comparisons to Kubrick (my favorite director ever) and I could compare this film to Eraserhead and 2001: A Space Odyssey, and partially to Eyes Wide Shut. This is a movie that I will never be able to forgot, and I know for a fact that I'll be thinking about it obsessively for a very long time. This may be one of my favorite films ever. 9.7/10, masterful, two thumbs up, miles above average, etc.

This is by far the funniest and most fun movie of the year; everyone involved is as good as ever. Honestly, this is a movie made by fans, for fans, and the entire theater loved it. I got to see this at a Cornetto Trilogy marathon comprised of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz leading up to the 10:00 PM premiere of the film, and EVERYONE had an incredible time. Everyone. First thing’s first: is a comedy, so is it funny? FROM START TO FINISH! And, surprisingly, it’s actually very heartfelt. The characters are very likable (even if they’re rude and belligerent, they have a good side to them) and there is an argument between Simon Pegg and Nick Frost towards the end that was actually very moving. This film never sacrifices a character or plot point to make a joke, just like the other films in this trilogy, and that in itself shows the care here. A lot of movies are just mindless fun, but this is actually smart, and it in turn makes it so much more fun. Edgar Wright’s timing and ability to create terrific fight scenes are as good as ever, and of course Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and all others are just fantastic. And let me say something: these special effects are stellar throughout and it only cost $20 million? Truly well-spent. I just can’t wait to see this again. And note: I am *not* comparing this to Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz (which are my two favorite comedies of all time) because each entry in the Cornetto Trilogy is so different and all of them are truly exceptional. 9.6/10, amazing, two thumbs up, far above average, etc.

Judging this as a remake, it's a masterpiece. Judging this as a film on its own, it's still great. The cinematography and directing is terrific; both create a great sense of dread and there are several tropes that are subverted, mostly during the final act. Speaking of which, the last 25 minutes or so were scary as hell and usually excessive and overt gore annoys me and comes off as cheap, but here it balanced the cartoonishness and the graphic nature so it didn't come off as distracting and ending up being fun. Also, thank God for practical effects. The makeup and effects looked terrific and were all so convincing, infinitely better than CG crap. The main problem was what seems to be the issue with so many horror films: really weak characters. Only the main girl was worth routing for, and arguably the blonde guy that looked like Kurt Cobain. There was a blonde girl that was completely expendable. And PLEASE STAY AFTER THE CREDITS!!! There's a huge surprise for fans of the series! 8.7/10, great, two thumbs up (barely), above average, etc.

I laughed a good amount and the dialogue is witty and acerbic throughout and the story works, but only for the first 35-40 minutes. The two leads are very good with what they have and the two main characters are likable for who they are and how psychotic they are portrayed as, the main girl is specifically great. The thing is that after a while, it actually gets to be too much. If the audience is actually rooting for the two main characters past the two-thirds point, then the audience is essentially rooting for Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, James Holmes, Adam Lanza, Seung-Hui Cho and terrorists. The film succeeded in what it set out to do but it left me upside-down due to how incredibly amoral and dark it gets. Seriously, this movie is dark as hell, way darker than any drama or horror film I've ever seen. 6.3/10, one thumb down, meh, okay, etc.

It looks nice. That's about it. There's little character and no plot so none of the action sequences make one feel as if something is at stake, so the sequences themselves become dull, negating their purpose: excitement. Thanks to this, I fell asleep twice. I know that I didn't miss anything, however, because crap didn't happen. I guess my naps helped inadvertently redeem the film of its excessive running time; being unconscious was more exciting. 4.4/10, bad, two thumbs down, below average, etc.

When I first saw this back in March, I didn't like it. I never found it to be terrible, per se, but due to the trailers, buzz, and reviews, I was expecting something that was darkly funny and satirical and I left the theater saying, "Wow, that was a waste of potential." While it is both of those things some times (but very rarely), it's very bleak and kind of disturbing, with its great hypnotic and dreamlike filmmaking, dim tone, and welcome repetitiveness that showcases the hedonism of spring break activities and the youth of America. The social commentary is there with the ironic and contradictory voiceover work as well as the continual downward spiral of these four girls when their temptations are maximized and succumbed to and when their love for easy entertainment gets the best of them. The portrayal of the girls was realistic with the voiceovers talking about how "spiritual" their break is while showing the girls having sex and doing cocaine, and the shots intercut of Selena Gomez at her church spliced with her smoking pot. The casting was all very good; I loved how Harmony Korine decided to cast innocent-looking girls previously known for their adorable Disney work to show how innocence can be lost so easily. The acting was solid on everyone's parts, conveying the awfulness of these people. 8.4/10, great, one thumb up, above average, etc.

This has to be a joke. Can we just talk about how poorly made this is? The score, interviews, talking and narration is all incredibly choppy and the dramatizations are pretty bad. The people talking about their beliefs are essentially babbling; their arguments and discussions are embarrassingly incoherent, not only in what they're saying, but how they presented it. There are multiple times near the ending where these dumbasses negate and contradict their entire arguments, which are already inane to begin with. One argument says that a tray on a desk makes it looks like Ullman has an erection while shaking hands with Jack. Another says that Room 237 is a sex room and all of the carpet patterns look like ****. We don't know any of the people, their names or their jobs, so they have no credibility at all. One of the men confesses that he's unemployed and obsessed with The Shining, while a woman confesses that she got one of her conspiracy theories from her nine-year-old son. The documentary is such a terrific idea but its execution was shockingly, painfully bad and it actually made The Shining one of my favorite films of all time worse. The more they talked about it, the worse it got, and I got angrier. The people talking sound like they're mentally disabled or mentally ill; there are parts where the voiceovers stop and literally they say, "Wait, I have to help my son. He's crying, but I don't know. Ha ha." These people are so painfully stupid. I've been YouTube videos infinitely better than this pile of crap. A woman behind me was dying laughing at the film, and I started laughing as well. I guess I got some laughs out of it, but they ultimately bored me and made me angry with one of my favorite films of all time. 2.5/10, abysmal, two thumbs down, far below mediocre, etc.

I remember seeing this opening night, which I'm happy to say was actually my best theatrical experience I've ever had. Within the first seven minutes the film brings meta-humor and self-deprecation to a new level, pointing out all of the supposed flaws that anyone could complain about and opening addresses itself with, "It's been done to death... Stick a fork in 1996 already." The dialogue is witty and acerbic the entire time and all feels fresh and modern, which in itself is a huge accomplishment. Characters are completely believable as teens and the acting is actually great, specifically Hayden Panettiere who plays my favorite character: a dry, sardonic and sexy closeted film geek. The brilliantly orchestrated final act discusses modern society's obsession with technology and easy-found fame and the identity of the killer surprised me to no end; even being a die hard fan of the franchise and a cinephile, I didn't guess anything correctly. There are SO many red herrings that make you contemplate if something is too obvious, who was doing what when, and makes you double check yourself in regards to reverse psychology of believing who the killer is. The best part is that all but one of the cliches and tropes that are utilized for satire are subverted and/or openly acknowledged. The script justifies a character's seemingly stupid actions or flips it outright. Everything is shot well with good use of lighting as well as a good orchestral score and the directing is good (pay attention to the increasing corniness of the opening scene). It's actually the best of the series, better than the first with very clever kills and witty satire regarding torture porn, found footage genre films, modern horror, remakes and reboots. And yes, it scared the crap out of me. 9.5/10, incredible, two thumbs up, etc.

This is a horribly made, stupid, uneven and beyond a WTF-fest. Every joke is completely immature and inane, completely relying on "offensive" jokes. It's one of the stupidest movies I've ever seen but I giggled once (I'll get into that later) but I felt like my IQ dropped 100 points afterwards. It's not necessarily due to the raunchy humor, (though that was a factor) but mostly how the entire film was witless and relied on childish jokes involving feces, bodily fluids, language and mild bestiality and incest. Some sketches were just horrendous and some were just awful. (Which one is worse? Exactly.) These are all DISGUSTING, crude, and void of any wit at all. I can laugh at crude; 21 Jump Street, Ted, and This is the End made me cry with laughter, but these are the worst things I have ever had to endure. The one with Anna Faris and Chris Pratt was unbearably awful and made me want to shoot myself in the face; it's just one "joke" about how gross they can make dialogue about coprophilia, all while seemingly trying to harm the audience's intelligence. The iBabe sketch was really bad given how terminally stupid it was, as was the Beezel sketch given its terminal velocity of terribleness. I was disappointed by the Homeschooled sketch because the idea is actually very funny: two parents harassing their home schooled child in order to give him a true high school experience. However, that went past when it was funny and just became uncomfortable given the jokes about child abuse and mother-son and father-son incest. It truly could have been hilarious, but it just made me want to leave due to how mean-spirited and void of wit it was. Because this is a series of sketches, the characters aren't actual characters, just actors due to the non-existent plot and non-existent character development. The cast is good, so you're watching screen saying, "That's not a character, but it's just Emma Stone, who I really like." Right after that, you become overrun with an unspeakable amount of pity and depression in regards to how all of these amazing actors and actresses are in this: the worst movie of all time. (Keep in mind that I've seen Jack and Jill and Piranha 3DD.) Speaking of Emma Stone, her sketch was the only one that had me giggle. Her banter with Kieran Culkin and their love-hate relationship and jokes actually made me chortle once, and I'll admit that. (Their arguing, "chicken-egg" debate, the Golden Girls, etc.) The Batman and Robin sketch also had *some* potential elements of funniness, such as a joke about Superman's hair and comic book references, but it was wasted away. The timing is bad and the shots in the film feel like a first take, as if they didn't even try. All mentioned moments, also, add up to about 20 seconds total. That's 0.35% of the entire "film". Ultimately, the most depressing part of it all is that the cast is actually in this crap. They don't seem to be trying and it's documented by one of the directors/producers that no one actually wanted to be in this; it's evident due to the horrid delivery of "funny" lines. The entire cast is wasted and nowhere in the 94 minutes of trash did they ever take advantage of their incredible, funny and talented actors. This is the stupidest film of all time but I somehow giggled once. Is it a good movie? No. Never. Not at all in the slightest. In fact, it's the worst movie of all time. It has EVERYTHING wrong with Hollywood and the world in one atrocity. A-listers to cynically attract audiences (victims, really), a pile of trash that has absolutely no work put into it, no art whatsoever, a "comedy" with no laughs, and it somehow managed to make 94 minutes feel like four hours. After you cringe two or three times due to the humor (which is all driven by making people go "ew", nothing else), you really do get bored. It's so repetitive, and I can't believe that not a single sketch was good. This could have been really good, considering the talent involved, but once they decided to make it all obscene, they should have stopped. There's no way to win. You infuriate and insult 99.99% of the audience and once they become accustomed to the beyond lowbrow "humor" that it's going for, you become numbed to it and begin to cry inside. It's lose-lose-lose. It's expected for an anthology to not be 100% great, but the ratio of miss-to-hit here is simply astounding. Sitting through it made me a stronger person, and one of the worst parts of it was that it was so incredibly boring. This is the biggest disgrace to cinema ever, something that I love near and dear, something that is truly my passion. I used to like a ton of these actors, but I won't be able to forget their involvement in this catastrophe. At least Elizabeth Banks' sketch is halfway through the credits so most people won't see it. Also, they cut out the sketch where Anton Yelchin played a necrophiliac that would **** female bodies at the morgue at which he worked. If I were to ever commit suicide, r

I cannot express how into this I was. The fantastic acting, terrific cinematography and minimalist filmmaking helps exponentially. I can't really describe it, but suffice it to say that the callous and rigid character adds so much to immense freakiness of it all; lighting, quick cuts and scenes in one shot are so admirable. People need to understand that it isn't just about a mysterious and sociopathic uncle interrupting a girl and her mother's lives. The acting, atmosphere, tone, set pieces, metaphors, symbolism, writing, how the script ties together, directing, cinematography, score, editing, sound design, lighting and more explore the thematic elements of jealousy, maturity, coming of age, growing sexuality, family dynamics, and loss of innocence. Even if you based it off of its surface value and basic plot, it would still be solid due to its flourishes of difference in plot and filmmaking. This is easily the best film of 2013, and one of my favorite films of all time. It's up there with Kubrick and (the latter, of course, since it was based off of Shadow of a Doubt). 9.7/10, masterful, two thumbs up, etc.

Very subtle, smart, acerbic, and funny. Just be prepared for how realistic it is. The direction and acting is stellar, with both constantly poking fun at the privileged stupidity of the suspects, with their dialogue, intentional fake crying, and dumb white girl mentality. I saw some reviews saying that it didn't explore the motives of the robbers, but the film did: they just wanted fame and its lifestyle. It's pretty simplistic, because they themselves are simple minded. I wasn't bored because the real life events are sensationally entertaining so I was interested the whole time. I loved the social commentary on these people and their characterization; nothing is made much of because the people are stupid as hell. Marc's homosexuality is ditched because although it's part of who his is, it's irrelevant to the overall story. Emma Watson cracked me up with her performance, and the acting all around was very good and well suited to given situations, being annoying or "innocent" when it's warranted. She and Israel Broussard gave some good subtle statements which provoke thoughts regarding the severity and motives of their crimes. This is a film that has nearly no intention on being fun, but instead bleak, and I applaud the filmmakers for that. This is "mood filmmaking." Many critics and users complained that the characters were one-dimensional and shallow which is true, but it's completely justified. Sofia Coppola created very real people; the dialogue, actions, and lack of conscience provided insight to how vapid these people really were, and the almost identical characterization of each person shows how lazy and dumb the robbers actually were. I also saw people getting mad at the perceived repetitiveness of the film, but, again, it's to show how lazy the kids were. They robbed celebrities over and over and the repetition displayed here shows, furthermore, how lazy and hedonistic these teens were. It gives a sense of realism to the film. It helps furthermore that the dialogue is so accurate to today's overprivileged teens. As a 16-year-old going on 17, this is exactly how these despicable people act; I know some people like this. Sofia Coppola and the actors managed to make these people interesting. The fact that they filmed this in Paris Hilton's house is great, and added into the subtly there are some great jabs at celebrities. They call Paris Hilton's dog the wrong name and show no interest in a script right on Megan Fox's nightstand in lieu of sunglasses and lipstick. I saw that Sofia Coppola said that she wanted to tell the story from the kids' point of view, and it warranted the film to be shallow due to the tone's context. The whole film is very faithful to the real life events, so don't blame the writing for their easy entrances to the stupid celebrities' homes. 9.3/10, amazing, two thumbs up, far above average, etc.