For all its faults, the series is enthusiastically pulpy, moving with a propulsive energy that, to be frank, most streaming dramas lack.

The enticing logline and lovely, painterly opening credits of CBS All Access' new Kevin Williamson-created drama Tell Me a Story tease a show that, unfortunately, is much more clever, coherent and ultimately fun than what the first five episodes actually deliver.

It’s a stunningly boring character drama, intertwining characters in New York City, ostensibly with a fairy tale motif doing some of the storytelling. ... The pacing, the dialogue, the (complete lack of) visual language, the world building--it’s impossible to point to a single element that works.

The characters are lifeless composites with little or no reason to care about what they’re doing. The dialogue is blunt at best and painful at worst. The look of the series, with both episodes directed by Liz Friedlander, is so plain viewers will find themselves missing the animated credits sequence--that is, until it rolls around again at the start of Episode 2 and reminds you why it, too, is pretty gross.

The first two episodes are so convoluted, long-winded and expository that the dramatic payoffs, when they finally do arrive, seem anti-climactic.