Tales of the Hivemind: A Sweet Baby Inc Game Remember how they removed their made-up "hobbits of colour" from the second trailer? Well, they are all over the place in this slop **** where you can't even jump. Bad, borin, patronizing, and worst of all, insulting to JRRT's Legendarium. You know how Gollum was a crap game? Well, this is what Gollum would leave in the toilet after having Rings of Power for lunch
They banned my main account because of this review, that they kept deleting and I kept re-adding. They got bored of losing at cat and mouse, so they silently banned my account. Now they edited it in this new account to censor me talking about it, and the whole next paragraph with a list of complaints about the game that I'm ignoring in my scoring, or it would be lower. Editing someone's review to erase part of it is the lowest you can go, Metacritic. Yes, it's even lower than silently banning people over reviews your sponsors don't like. So once again, this is the review Metacritic doesn't want people to read: I don't know where to start, but let's try. Even if we tried to forget all the cringe non-binary BS that makes no sense in Thedas, even if we blinded ourselves to not see the Subsaharan African, Latino and East Asian elves, even if we were to ignore the mindnumbingly tedious constant quipping taken from a list considered to bad for Amy Schumer, even if we went on full denial of the impossibility of having a big ass or boobs bigger than cup A, even if we rejected the existence of the Qun or any other pre-established lore about the Qunari, even if we fully embraced the fact that decisions have no impact in the outcome, even with all that, why do I have to have everything repeated to me 17 times in a row as if I had the attention span of a tiktoker on meth? Why do I have to have identical conversations about the same topic one after the other? I didn't forget what happened 35 seconds ago! And even ignoring that, gameplay is around only a 5-6/10. Or it would be if this game was not called "Dragon Age". This does not play like a DA game, it's a watered down GoW/Souls. We're down two points, they failed at step 1: Making a Dragon Age game. The cringe dialogue is so jarring it's impossible to enjoy anything in the game, so scratch at least another point right there. Not to mention, I waited a damn decade for THIS?! Scratch 2 more points out of sheer disappointment. Add the clearly bought-and-paid-for Critics reviews to the scratching list (yes, I always scratch points for that), and that's how we reach a very earned ZERO out of ten. And again, read above (the paragraph that was edited out, but they left this line in, uselessness supreme) for a whole list of things I'm ignoring to give it the highest possible score. I played 2 hs and refunded the game. I wish I could get a refund of my two hours too.
